


A Place Called Home

by MissMalm



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Awkward Romance, Bucky needs a hug, Eventual Sex, F/M, Friendship/Love, How to live a normal life after endgame, Living Arrangements, Ok we're at the sex now!, Romance, Slow Burn, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes, lots of making out, roommate with Bucky
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-13
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2020-12-14 16:36:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 62,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21018887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissMalm/pseuds/MissMalm
Summary: After the battle with Thanos, the world and the Avengers are left with some devastating losses. Bucky Barnes have lost a lot, and he didn’t have that much to begin with. When he decided to start a new life and get an apartment, he realised that the best solution was to move in with a roommate. Enter Maddie, a quirky girl who seems to be carrying a lot on her shoulders, but who might also be able to help him find a place he can call home.





	1. Moving forward

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is my first fan-fic, and English is not my first language, but I am doing my best! Feel free to leave some constructive criticism in the comments, and I will promise to read them and try to improve my writing during this adventure :D

He just wanted to lead a normal life. He had not yet had the chance to do that with all the assassinating, cryo sleep, disappearing, and saving the world. Looking back, it almost felt like some kind of over the top action story that a child came up with. Although, if you have lived for about a hundred years, it might not be that strange if a lot has happened.

He had been at so many places during his life, in Siberia, Russia, different parts of the US, Wakanda... but he had never had a place he could call home. 

He had lived at the avengers compound for a while, but it didn’t feel like home there either. Not that there was anything wrong with it, it just had kind of a hotel feeling to it. There was also a sad energy surrounding the compound after the death of Tony, Natasha and Vision. Bucky was of course also sad about their death, but he had not been very close to them. Instead he was mourning the passing of Steve who had not lived for very long after his return as an old man after going back in time with the infinity stones.

Steve had been his whole life when they were young, and he felt like he had just got him back when everything happened. He was of course happy for Steve, that he got to live his whole life with Peggy, but he missed him so much. 

Now that he was free from Hydras brainwashing and hijacking of his brain, he had decided that he needed to start living his own life without depending on others. He wasn’t entirely sure about HOW he would do that but he figured that it would be a good first step to get an apartment. The next step would be to find a job, but he wasn’t in a hurry since he had gotten enough money to get by from Stark who had included him and all the other avengers (well, he wouldn’t necessarily call himself an avenger, but still, it was the easiest way to think about them) in his will. He felt like Tony had forgiven him during the first fight against Thanos, and the following years where Bucky had been dusted away like so many others. He was thankful for Tonys and Peppers generosity, but it was time to stand on his own now.

First thing first, a home, then the rest.

After a while of searching for apartments he realised that it was really expensive to buy an apartment that was bigger than a shoe box, and it was almost impossible to find an apartment available for rent that wasn’t a filthy run down dump. 

He sat down in a small coffee shop with a latte, and sighed as he shrugged of his jacket, careful not to pull off the glove he was wearing on his left hand to cover the vibranium arm. He was rarely recognised, as he had only been in the spotlight for a little while when the newspapers had been reporting about the “winter soldier”. The rest of the war against Thanos had been out of the public eye for the most part. He wanted to keep it that way, and hid his arm carefully whenever he was somewhere he could be seen. 

He sipped his coffee and scrolled unenthusiastically on his phone when his gaze was pulled to an ad for a website where you could find people who wanted to find roommates or somewhere to live. He read through some of them while drinking his coffee, and found that there seemed to be some really shady people who wanted different living arrangements out there. 

He stopped on a post that read “Roommate wanted. Long term, a year at least. No smokers, drug users or weirdos. You need to pay three months of rent in advance and have a personal recommendation from someone else. The apartment is a three bedroom apartment and you will have your own room and bathroom. You will share kitchen and living room with me and I expect you to clean up after yourself and behave like a normal human being. Only serious applicants.” This sounded intriguing, although, that normal human being part would maybe be a bit difficult he thought to himself and snorted. He dialled the number in the post and waited. He was a bit startled when he heard the voice of a woman answering. 

“Hello” the voice said.

"Hi, my name is.. James, and I am calling about the ad about a room in an apartment. If it is still available?"

"Oh, hi! Yes it is, I haven’t found anyone I felt comfortable with yet."

"Great. Not that you haven’t felt comfortable with anyone, but that it is still available I mean."

"Haha, yeah I guess." 

"So, do you have time to meet me and talk about the apartment?"

"Um, yeah, sure. I guess I have some time this afternoon, so we could meet at the Starbucks by times square at 3?"

"Perfect, I’ll see you there, how will I find you?"

"Oh, just look for a short girl with pink hair and a yellow jacket and it should be me."

"Ok, great, I’ll see you then, bye"

"Bye."

He wondered why she needed a roommate and why she had such a large apartment to begin with. What was the catch? He went on to worry about his appearance. Would a woman see him as a reliable potential roommate or would they look at his large frame, dark hair and eyes and count him out just by looking at him? He often got comments about him looking menacing or dangerous. It was exhausting. 

He pondered who he could ask to write a recommendation and decided that he would ask Pepper. She was the head of Stark industries now, and a respectable woman. Maybe it would weigh heavier too to have a woman write it. He decided to go to her right away, and started walking towards her office.


	2. Roommates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Has he found a place to live? Probably.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again! The first chapter was a bit short, but here is the next one. It is a bit longer at least :)

At 2.55 pm he was stepping inside the Starbucks they had agreed on, and looked around. He spotted her immediately. Her jacket was really yellow, and it lit up the room, just like her hair that was a light pink colour and framed her pale face. She was looking at her phone and seemed like she was in her own world. He walked over to her table and cleared his throat to get her attention. When she looked up at him, he recognised the look in her eyes. Fear.

“Hi, I’m James." He said and extended his hand for her to shake. When she heard the name her face relaxed a little.

“Hi James! It is nice to meet you. I realised i forgot to tell you my name, I’m Maddie.” She said with a small smile. She took his hand and shook it with surprising firmness. She gestured for him to sit down before she started talking again.

“So, why did you find my ad interesting?” She asked. Straight forward, he thought.

“Well, I realised that it is almost impossible to find an apartment in the city that is not a dump or cost a fortune. And then I saw your ad and figured that I fit the description pretty well.” He said and smiled at her.   
“Yeah I know. I can’t afford to live there on my own, but I couldn’t find a smaller apartment that was worth living in. I want to keep feeling like I’m home and not have to move around.”

Bucky felt her words right down to his core. He also wanted to feel that, desperately. He searched his mind for the right words but she continued speaking before he could say anything.

“Where do you live now?”

“I live... with a few roommates in a house for now, outside the city, but I kinda want something smaller and a bit more... mine, you could say.”

“Oh, okay, I think I know what you mean.”

They were quiet for a bit and both sipped their coffee. The silence felt comfortable and he realised that he probably would like being her roommate. 

“Do you think it would be possible to see the apartment?” He asked and immediately saw the shift in her face. Suspicion rose and he quickly added “I mean, if you have any pictures, or if you have someone that can follow us there so you don’t have to feel unsafe.”

“Well... yeah, I guess you might want to see it before you can decide if you want to live there.” She answered with a sheepish smile. He was glad that the suspicion had decreased at least a little bit.

She made a call and asked someone to meet them a few blocks away and they left the coffee shop together. The woman they met at the corner was a large woman who looked quite dangerous. Big and strong. The perfect person to accompany her to a secluded place with a strange man. He almost laughed at the thought. If he had wanted to hurt them, not even that woman could stop him.

They arrived at the building which was quite small, but looked well kept and had a nice look. 

“Here we are!” She exclaimed as they climbed the stairs to the second floor and she unlocked a door with the name Johnson on it.

As they went inside, Bucky took in the sight. It was not that big, but it was light and airy, and colourful curtains, pillows, paintings and blankets covered the different areas. The living room had three large bookcases that were full of books except for a few shelves where he saw photos and some DVDs. The couch was large with enough space for at least four people. The kitchen was not the newest one he had seen, but it was enough. 

She showed him around the common areas before she directed them towards the door at the end of the hallway. 

“This is the room I’m renting out. It is not that big, but there is already a bed in it and it has place for some more furniture if you want to add anything.”

He stepped inside and looked at the small room. It had a quite large bed, a nightstand with a lamp on it and a closet. He didn’t need anything else. 

“This looks perfect.” He said and turned to her. 

“Really?” She asked and looked at the room as if she couldn’t understand how it could be seen as perfect.  
“Yes, I don’t need anything bigger than this, and I don’t really have any furniture either. Also, I like the apartment, it feels... like a home.”

“Great, I think we might be able to come to an agreement. You are by far the most normal person who has been interested so far.”

He smiled to himself at the statement. She could never have guessed how wrong she was.

“Yeah, I’m starting to get tired of acting as an anti-murder guard when she meets her potential roommates.” Her friend, who had introduced herself as Alice, said while rolling her eyes.

“Hey! You can’t be careful enough in this day and age!” Maddie said and shot her a glance.

“I know, I know. I’m only teasing you”, Alice said and flashed her a grin.

Bucky stood beside them and looked from one to the other. He liked their dynamic. While they bickered he made his way to the window and looked out. The view wasn’t amazing, but he could see a small street outside where a few people strolled by casually. 

“I want to give this a chance if you would have me.” He said and turned around. She seemed to think about it for a few seconds.

“Well, I think we could try. Do you have a recommendation letter?”

“Yes I have.” He said and pulled out an envelope from his pocket and handed it to her. He had also included money for three months rent in it. She opened it and gasped.

“Did you expect to be offered the lease?”

“Well, I hoped. And it doesn’t hurt to be prepared.” He smiled a crooked smile at her. 

“I guess not”, she mumbled. 

He stood silently watching her as she opened the letter and read it. A smile tugged at her lips and he wondered what Pepper had written. When he asked her she had accepted right away and wrote it on the spot, but he never looked at it. They had a good relationship now, and he would maybe go as far as calling them friends. He needed all the friends he could get now that he had lost so many. 

He was so lost in thought that he didn’t hear her at first when she asked him something.

“I’m sorry, what?” He asked.

“I asked if you could show your ID just so I know that you are you?” She said, amused.

“Oh, yeah sure.” He said, handing it to her, and hoped that she wouldn’t recognise his name, or notice his date of birth. She would surely think it was a fake ID if she saw the date almost a hundred years ago. 

“Thanks.” She said when she had looked at it and handed it back to him. “James Buchanan Barnes, it sounds familiar.” She continued.

“It is a common name.” He said vaguely and she seemed to accept it. 

“I’ll prepare the paperwork and we can meet up and sign everything in a few days?” She asked him.

“Yeah sure, you have my number, so call or send a text when it is ready and you have time.” 

They said their goodbyes and he walked outside with a light feeling inside. This felt like it was the beginning of something new and he hadn’t been so excited in a long time. 

——————————————

Maddie sat in her couch with a cup of tea and watched a bad gameshow on tv. A lot had happened today and she had so much to think about that she didn’t even look at the tv that much. The man she had met today, James Barnes, had seemed nice. When she first saw him she had been a bit spooked by his appearance. He kinda looked like a thug. But when he had spoken his face softened and he spoke in an almost old fashioned way. He was polite and she didn’t get any weird vibes from him as with the other people who had contacted her about the room. 

When they had walked through the apartment, he had had a look of awe on his face, but she couldn’t figure out why. Sure, the apartment was not too shabby, but it wasn’t that amazing either. The extra room was small, but he had seemed to like it. It was a bit strange that he didn’t have any furniture of his own, but if he lived in a house with other people it might have been furnished already too. 

She always tried not to judge people before she knew them and she wouldn’t judge him either. She did recognise his name, but guessed that she had come in contact with something similar at work at some point. She shrugged it off, not thinking that there was anything strange with it. The winter soldier thing had been so many years ago and was buried so deep in her memory as not to be coaxed out just by hearing the name. 

—————————————-

Bucky had been packing his things during the days after the meeting. Though, it didn’t take long since he really only had a bag of clothes, a small box of personal belongings, some weapons and his super soldier suit. He’d gone out to buy some sheets and towels and things like that too, and now he only waited for her call.

It came three days after their first meeting, and they decided to meet at the same Starbucks as before. He arrived before her and ordered a vanilla latte for her, as she drank that the last time they met. When she saw him she crossed the crowded room and sat down by the small table he had found. 

She looked a bit surprised when he pushed the cup towards her, but thanked him, and he thought he could see a slight blush on her neck. She reached into her bag and pulled out some papers. 

“These are the contracts you need to sign. They acknowledge you as a legal tenant in the building and that you have to give me three months notice if you want to move out. The contract is for a year, but can be prolonged if you want to stay longer. If you don’t pay your rent or misbehave in some other serious way, I have the right to cancel the contract.”

“Sounds reasonable. Do you have a pen?”

“O...ok, yes, of course.” She answered as she rummaged around in her purse to find the pen she always had with her. She had almost expected him to dispute her claims.

He signed all the papers, and she handed him the keys. 

“Well, welcome to my, or our, home then.” She said and raised her cup to toast his. He let out a chuckle and let his cup touch hers.

“Thank you, roomie. I will go and get my things and move in tonight if that is okay?”

“Sure, I’ll be home later tonight. I have to work first.”

It felt strange talking about their home, but strange in a good way. They finished their coffee while small talking and eventually they went in opposite directions with promises to see each other later.


	3. Moving in

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first night in the new place.

When Bucky arrived at the apartment later that day he was joined by Sam who helped him carry the few boxes his things fit into. It felt strange to unlock the door and step inside, like he was trespassing in someone else’s home. They carried in the things and then Sam needed to go so Bucky thanked him and gave him a quick hug before he left him alone in the quiet apartment. 

He stood there for a while, just listening to the cars and people outside, and looking at all the things that weren’t familiar at all. He walked to the bookcases and read a few titles. "Lord of the rings" and “Harry Potter” seemed to have special honorary spots on the shelves. There were also a lot of books written by an author called Rainbow Rowell, and a lot of books that seemed to be romantic novels. 

He looked at the photos on another shelf. There were photos of a young girl and what seemed to be her parents. He recognised Maddie, even if her hair was brown instead of pink then. There were more pictures of her, one with her mom and one with Alice and some other people. There was also one of just her dad. A small candle stood in front of the frame and he wondered if it held any significance. 

He felt tired, and decided to put his sheets in the bed and prepare it for the night so he didn’t have to do it later when he would be even more tired. He liked doing the bed himself rather than having someone else doing it like at the avengers compound. He had chosen a dark blue set of sheets that felt soft to the touch and he kinda wanted to go to bed right away. He put that thought away, otherwise he would wake up too early the next morning.

He wondered when Maddie would come home and if she would be hungry then. He had done some grocery shopping on the way there, and decided to make some tea and sandwiches. He could put one in the fridge for her to eat later. When he sat down with his cup of tea and took the first bite, he heard the front door open and close. She popped her head around the corner and greeted him with a tired smile. 

“I made you a sandwich, and the tea is just ready.” He told her.

“Really? Thank you! I’ll just go and change out of my work clothes first.”

She disappeared into the room next to his and he just saw a flash of orange before she closed the door. He hadn’t seen her room, and didn’t want to sneak a peek when she wasn’t home either. It felt like overstepping boundaries. A few minutes later she came back out in a big, really big, fluffy hoodie that almost reached down to her knees. On her feet she had slippers that were hot pink with small hearts on them. She looked adorable. That thought surprised him a bit, he usually didn’t even reflect on peoples looks. 

“Wow, this is great, thank you again.” She sighed happily when she took the first sip of her tea.

“It’s nothing. I should thank you for letting me live here.” He answered and watched her.

“Well, it’s not like it’s a selfless thing to let you live here, I need the money.”

“Yes, but you could have chosen anyone, and still I’m here.” He said and gestured towards himself.

She looked at him for a little bit, and tried to figure out what he meant by that. Then she noticed the glove he was still wearing on his left hand.

“Are you cold?” She asked.

“What?” He looked confused.

“Your glove” She laughed and gestured towards it.

He stiffened. How would he explain it? He didn’t want to scare her or make her think he was weird.

“Oh this? It’s just to protect a nasty cut I got a little while ago. I’m so clumsy that I probably would spill something on it otherwise.” He lied and hoped she wouldn’t see through him. 

“I did that once too, but I only had to get a few stitches and now I don’t even have a scar.” She kept on, not even paying attention to his rigid posture.

He relaxed a little and they kept on talking about small stuff. Like what her favourite sandwich was and where she worked. She had two jobs she told him. During the day she worked as a high school teacher and on some nights she cleaned offices. She needed both jobs to be able to keep the apartment. 

When she asked him what he worked with, he decided to tell her the truth, or part of it at least. 

“I don’t work at the moment. I have inherited some money and want to figure out what I want to do before I start searching.”

“So what are you leaning towards? Any ideas?” She asked him.

“No, not really. I don’t know if I want to work with people, animals, paper, or something else. But I don’t want to sit at a desk all day at least.”

“I get that. I’m not even sure I want to work with people some days, but other days it is great. I’m sure you can come up with something you like when you are ready.”

He hoped so too. They finished their food, and then he told her to go to bed and let him clean up. She accepted, thanking him profusely before disappearing into her room again. He heard her rummaging around in the bathroom and then he heard someone speaking quietly. He walked silently towards her door and listened. He realised that she was listening to some kind of audiobook or radio show or something like that. He went back into the kitchen and tried to be as quiet as possible when cleaning up. 

When he pulled of his clothes and slipped into his soft bed a while later he felt sleep creeping up on him always instantly. He vaguely remembers pulling off his glove and turning off the light before he was out cold.


	4. Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He has a nightmare, and she learns the truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again! If someone is reading this, i’m glad, and I hope you like the chapter :)

He was in a dark room. He couldn’t hear anything, only a slight rustling, like clothes getting dragged on the floor. When his eyes got used to the darkness, he saw bodies laying before him. Bloody bodies, dead eyes. His parents, his friends, random people he only had seen on the streets. He looked at his hands and saw the blood on them too. He let go of the knife and ran towards his mom. She was still breathing and he tried to talk to her and ask what had happened. She only answered with one word, “why?”. He started seeing flashing memories of his hands strangling, cutting, breaking. He was suddenly screaming, a desperate scream. Until he felt hands on his shoulder. 

He started awake and grabbed the hand that shook him. Maddie gave a small shriek as she was pulled down and pinned to the bed by a metal arm. It took a few seconds for him to realise what he was doing, but when he saw her eyes, that were as large as saucers and full of fear, he quickly released her and scrambled away from her. 

“I-I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. Are you ok?”

“You... I heard you... You looked like you had a nightmare, I just wanted to help you.” Her voice faded away as she sat up and finished the sentence. 

“I’m sorry, again. I did have a bad dream and acted without knowing.” He pleaded with her.

She let her gaze trail from his sweaty forehead and eyes full of regret, down to his shaking hand. She felt her fear dissipate and thought about taking his hand but wasn’t sure if that was too personal. 

She never knew when it was appropriate and when it was not. Someone had once told her that she couldn’t just touch people whenever she wanted. He had said that she would give guys the “wrong idea” if she were nice, hugged or touched them. She realised afterwards that he had been a controlling asshat, but it had already affected her and planted the doubt inside of her that she was being inappropriate or too much. She didn’t trust her instincts anymore. It was safer to keep the distance. 

“It’s ok, I was just ...unprepared. I’m fine.” She said with a trying smile.

“I have never lived so close to anyone before, so I never realised I made that much noise while dreaming, and no one has ever woken me up from a dream either.” He laughed humourlessly.

“Do you often have nightmares?” She asked him.  
“Well, not every night, but yes, pretty often”. He sighed and put his head in his hands.

“Hmm, next time I’ll be more prepared, and maybe wake you in some other way.” She said and looked like she was thinking about how she would do that. He lifted his head and looked her in the eyes.

“Next time? ...You’re letting me stay?”

“Of course! Why wouldn’t I?” She looked at him, confused.

“I thought you would feel unsafe and I don’t want you to feel that way, ever.”

“And that’s a pretty good reason to let you stay! So, whats up with that?” She asked and pointed to his metal arm.

He had no reason to lie anymore, now the only questions were what he would start with and how much he would tell her.

“It’s an arm made of vibranium, a metal found in the African country of Wakanda. I lost my arm in an accident...long ago... and got this one a few years ago.”

“It’s beautiful.” She said and reached out to touch it. Then, she realised what she was doing and pulled it back. She flushed a bright red. 

“It’s useful, but not exactly an inconspicuous look.” He shrugged. “That’s why I wear gloves in public.”

“Why don’t you want anyone to pay attention to you, are you hiding from something?”

“Not really, but I have done a lot of bad things in my life that I would like to be able to leave behind me now. Plus, I don’t want to scare anyone.”

Her brain searched for an answer she knew she had somewhere deep down. Then she realised it.

“You’re that super human assassin they warned everyone about once”. She stated matter-of-factly. 

“...Yes. That was me, but not anymore. I was brainwashed, but that is a thing of the past. My brain is all mine again.” He smiled weakly. 

“I won’t lie, that IS a bit freaky, but I still feel like you’re a trustworthy person. I think we’ll be fine. Though, we should get some more sleep now.” The smile she gave him now was bright and contagious.

“I guess that would be good.” He said as he felt his own smile spread.

“Sleep tight. I hope you don’t have any more nightmares tonight.” She said as she stood up and walked towards the door.

“Thanks, you too. See you tomorrow.” He answered and watched her close the door silently behind her.

He let out a large breath and slumped down onto his pillow again. It hade gone better than he could have imagined. She had accepted it so easily. He wondered if she was in shock, or if she had some ulterior motive to her acceptance. He stopped himself from going there. She had no reason to trick him, and if she tried to trust him, he would do the same. 

When she shut the door, she stood outside for a few seconds and tried to wrap her head around it all. She had basically let a dangerous super assassin into her home, and even decided to share it with him. Was she crazy?

She went into her room and shut the door. When she walked over to the bed she grabbed her laptop and brought it with her. She went online and googled his name. A few pictures of him looking young and happy appeared. When she clicked on one she was sent to a website for a museum featuring captain America and his best friend Bucky. She read through the text learning that he had fought in World War II, been captured, and rescued, and then died, or so they thought. 

She clicked on a link to a news website and read an article from some years ago with a picture of him, or more correctly, someone posing as him in an attack on the UN meeting. He had resurfaced as the winter soldier before that too, but there wasn’t very much recorded about that. 

She also saw a picture taken of him by someone on the street in the clash with some of the avengers in the middle of the city. His eyes looked empty, and she knew that he wasn’t the same person as the one in the room next to hers, because now his eyes were full of emotion. Regret, hope, sadness, humour, and fear.

This man wasn’t a threat to her, she decided, and shut the computer off before she laid down and pulled the covers up. When she closed her eyes, she could almost feel the cold metal hand pinning her down on the bed, but the thing that felt the scariest was that she couldn’t stop thinking about his muscled torso and how much she had wanted to touch him.


	5. Netflix and thrill

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Movie night, and a fight (sort of)

The week went by fast. Bucky spent his time indoors, reading, cleaning, making himself at home. Maddie worked every day and came home late almost every night. She looked tired and Bucky tried to help her as much as he could at home. He cooked and had food ready when she came home and she was so happy about that. They talked, watched tv and started to get more and more comfortable in each others company. 

On Friday she came home after her job as a teacher and sank down on the couch, kicking her shoes off and laying down.

“Rough day?” Bucky asked her.

“Yeah, pretty much, high school kids are a pain in the ass sometimes. But i kinda love them too.” She answered from the couch, smiling with an arm across her eyes.

Bucky stood in the door, watching her for a few seconds and seizing the moment to take her in without her watching. He had been thinking about her during his days alone. She was pretty. She was short, curvy, with pale skin and round cheeks. Her green eyes looked great together with the pink hair. She was so full of life that he couldn’t help but feel alive when he was with her, even if they were only hanging out at home doing nothing. 

“Wanna order pizza tonight and watch a movie?” She interrupted his thoughts.

“Sure, sounds good.”

He went into the kitchen to get the menu from the local pizza place and sat down next to her while they discussed what pizza they wanted and she made the call. While they waited she went to take a shower and Bucky looked through Netflix to find a movie he hadn’t seen. Which wasn’t very hard since he didn’t exactly have time to watch movies during war or when he was disintegrated for 5 years. He chose a movie that was some kind of space story with aliens and things like that. 

The pizza arrived while Maddie was in the shower and when she arrived in leggings and a t-shirt he had prepared the film, pizza, two glasses of soda and some blankets. 

“Wow, this is like a dream come true! Food, Star Wars, and a handsome fella!” She said, only realising that she had called him handsome after she had said it. 

He just chuckled and patted the couch next to him.

“Come on, i’m hungry!” He said grinning.

She sat down and pulled her feet up under her, and glanced at him while he started the film and reached out to take a slice of pizza. He seemed comfortable enough with her to not hide his arm anymore, it made her happy. 

They ended up watching the movie, and then the next one in the trilogy. Bucky fell asleep in the middle of the second one, but Maddie kept watching. She loved Star Wars and could never get tired of them. She also took the chance to really look at him now. He had dark hair that fell down to his shoulder, and it looked so soft. He had stubble on his face and long dark eyelashes. He was so handsome. 

Her (quite enjoyable) scrutinising of him was interrupted by a hard knock on the door. It almost sounded like someone was kicking it. She felt her heart beat faster. She had changed the locks, but she wasn’t sure if the door would hold up. She flew up, about to go and grab her phone to call the police when Bucky woke up and in a few seconds was in front of her with his face to the door and his back to her.

“What is going on?” He he asked quickly, looking around the room.

“It’s my ex. He shows up sometimes, drunk, and I usually call the police.” Her voice was trembling and the fact that someone made her feel that way made him furious. 

“I will take care of it”, he said and stepped towards the door. 

“Wait!” She called out, almost in panic. She stepped around him and pushed her hands to his chest.

“Don’t hurt him”, she begged him.

“What, do you care about this idiot? even though he obviously scares you so much.” He snapped, irritated. He didn’t like the thought of her caring for this obviously aggressive person. Especially since he seemed to be a douchebag. 

“Of course not! I care about YOU, and the fact that I don’t want you to get in trouble for hurting him, or even worse, get hurt by him. I don’t know if he has a weapon.” She snapped back.

He was dumbfounded for a bit, and then he smiled at her and let his hand brush against her arm.

“I understand. I won’t hurt him, and if he isn’t some kind of super human assassin, he will not be able to hurt me either. Go into the kitchen, and let med handle him.” He said and gently pushed her out of the way.

She hid behind the kitchen door and peeked through the crack at Bucky, he had told her to call him that, when he walked up to the door and opened it casually. The sight on the other side was gruesome. Jared was standing there with a bottle in his hand. He looked really drunk and steadied himself on the wall. 

“Who’re you??” He slurred and tried to focus on Bucky.

“I live here. I would appreciate if you could stop banging on my door.” Bucky answered calmly.

“Live here? Where’s Maddie?” Jared kept asking.

“I don’t think that is any of your business.” Bucky said and folded his arms. Maddie noticed that he had his glove on again, he must have put it on super fast.

“My business?! It’s my business what my woman does! Where is that fucking whore!?”

She cringed at the words she didn’t deserve, but it wasn’t the first time she heard them. She had spent many hours listening to his screaming outside her door while she waited for the police to arrive and escort him away. It still hurt though. She noticed the muscles in Bucky's back and shoulders tensing at the words.

“I would advise you to not talk about her like that.” He said with a hard voice.

“What, you fucking her? That’s all she’s good for. No one wants to keep a fat boring girl around. YOU HEAR THAT MADDIE? YOU TREACHEROUS BITCH! YOU THINK THIS GUY WILL STICK AROUND LONG ENOUGH TO KEEP ME OUT FOREVER? YOU BELONG WITH ME, YOU’LL NEVER MEET ANYONE THAT WILL WANT TO STAY WITH YOU!” He screamed into the apartment. 

“That is no way of talking to anyone. You should leave now, before you get into serious trouble.” Bucky said, his voice starting to sound strained. 

“Let me talk to her!”

“No.”

“You fucking idiot!”

Suddenly there was a high crashing sound and she saw Jared swing his bottle at Bucky, hitting him in the head and smashing the bottle in the process. Bucky didn’t even move an inch, he just stood still and watched Jared calmly.

“You will not get in, and you will not see Maddie. Leave and don’t come back.” Bucky said.

Jared lunged at him, and his fist was aimed at Bucky’s face. Before it hit, a glove clad metal hand stopped it, like a brick wall. Jared pulled his hand back again and shrieked in pain. 

“What the hell are you made of?” He cried out, and watched the large man standing in front of him incredulously. 

“Well, if you don’t get out of here now, I will certainly show you.” Bucky answered.

Jared scrambled away from him and staggered towards the stairs, clutching his hand. He was muttering something but they couldn’t hear what he said.

Bucky got the broom and swept the glass up, then he shut the door and locked it behind him before he walked into the kitchen to find Maddie. He didn’t see her at first where she sat on the floor. He could see that she was shaking and heard her sobs. He crouched down in front of her and stroked her hair.

“Are you alright? He’s gone now. He can’t hurt you.”

“N-n-no, I’m not” she stuttered. “I hate him, and I hate what he still does to me, how his words still affect me.” She continued.

“Nothing he said was true, you are amazing in a lot of ways, and he is a drunken fool.” He tried to convince her. 

“Thanks, it’s nice of you to say that. She said and wiped her tears with the back of her hand.”

“I mean every word. Come on now, let’s get you up from here.” He said and held out his hand to help her. He didn’t let go until she sat down on the couch again.

When she met his eyes for the first time, she saw the red cut on his temple and a drop of blood that slowly made its way down his cheek.

“You’re bleeding!” She said looking distraught.

“It’s fine, I heal quickly. I have had so much worse.” He chuckled.

She jumped up and went to her room. He heard her moving stuff around on the shelves and then she came back with cotton pads and a bottle of something, and band aids. She put everything down on the table and told him to hold still. He let her clean the wound and stick a band aid on it. He kinda liked being taken care of, it was so rare. 

They sat on the couch until she fell asleep with her head on his shoulder. He sat still for a little while until he carefully laid her down and put a blanket over her. He cleaned up a bit, and then moved the table away from the couch so he could lay down in front of it. He got a pillow and a blanket and settled in to sleep. He didn’t want to leave her, and he had slept in worse conditions. He listened to her breathing and soon he was also deep in sleep.


	6. The morning after

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spilling some secrets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, this is a short one, but I wanted to get it out before work starts again tomorrow :)

When Maddie woke up, she realised she was in the living room, on the couch. This was rare, and at first she didn’t remember what had happened last night. When it hit her, she sat up and swung her legs over the edge and was just going to stand up when she noticed that her feet didn’t touch the floor, but something large and warm.

Bucky woke up with a huff when something stepped on his stomach. He looked up and saw Maddie pull her feet up again.

“Sorry! I didn’t see you.” She said. Sounding embarrassed.

“It’s ok, I was just surprised.” He said with a yawn.

He sat up and scratched his head through his dark tangled hair, then he also remembered what had happened last night. 

“How are you today? Are you ok?” He asked her with concern on his face.

“I’m fine, he isn’t as scary when you are here.”

“I’m glad to hear that. So, will you tell me the whole story?”

She sighed and pulled her fingers through her hair before she answered.

“Yes, I guess you deserve to know what’s going on now that you live here too. But can we do it over breakfast? I’m starving.”

“Of course, I will make some coffee. He said and stood up”.

She watched him as he went into the kitchen to start breakfast. He had sweatpants on, and a tank top, and she couldn’t take her eyes of him. She was always astonished that he was so flexible and quick considering his bulky large body. 

He used his metal arm with great finesse, as if it was a real one. It must be some really advanced engineering she though. The only thing that made it clear that it wasn’t a real arm was the shiny dark grey surface of it, and the slight clinking noise made when he touched something hard. 

She thought about what she would tell him. He had told her his secret, and trusted her with it. So maybe she could trust him with hers. 

“Let’s eat!” He called to her.

She jumped up and went to sit in her place by the kitchen table. He poured her coffee and she put some milk in it before she took the first sip. She sighed, it was so good. They ate for a little while before he broke the silence.

“So, will you tell me?” He asked, watching her. 

“Yes.” She took a deep breath before she continued. 

“The guy outside the door last night was Jared, my ex. We were together for almost three years and lived together in this apartment. We broke up about six months ago and he has been showing up drunk some weekends after that. I have always called the police to come and get him, but he always comes back. Sometimes he shows up when his sober too, and tries to convince me that I should take him back.”

“Do you want to get back together with him?” He asked.

“No, never. He was the one who broke up with me, but when I was free from him, I realised how crappy he had been treating me and how manipulative he was. I think he has some difficulties accepting that he can’t control me anymore. At the beginning of our relationship, it was good. We had a lot of fun and he was nice. But after a while, he started to make comments about my appearance. Like ‘If you lost some weight you would look so good’ or ‘A regular hair colour would look good on you’ or ‘If you lose weight your boobs will get saggy’ and so on. It’s easy to get affected by that. I’m still fighting negative thoughts about my self image. It’s weird, because before him, I actually liked myself as I was, but now it’s like his words has etched themselves into my brain and won’t be erased. Anyway, after a while he started pressuring me about sex and things, telling me that if we didn’t have sex, he would be forced to get it elsewhere, because that just sparks up the old lust, right?!” She said, getting fired up.

“That’s the stupidest thing i’ve ever heard. You are great no matter what you weigh or what colour your hair, or your sex drive. He is a real idiot.”

“Thanks. I know that now. He dumped me after I found out that he had an affair with another woman. He blamed it on me... He never hurt me physically, only with his words, but sometimes I feel that there might be some truth to them. Or rather, I’m scared that they might be true.” She sighed.

“No, they’re not, and you will know that one day. Just keep being you.” He said and smiled at her while he reached out and squeezed her hand.

She squeezed his hand back, and returned his smile.. 

“Thank you. It felt kinda good to talk to someone about it.”

“Anytime.”

“It also feels good to know that you can keep him out of the apartment without too much trouble.” She laughed.

“It was pretty easy actually. I’m used to worse enemies.” He chuckled.

“I figured that much, you didn’t even flinch. I wonder how much he is hurting today.” Her laughter bubbling out without her being able to contain it.

“He probably broke his knuckles, that’s what happens when you hit vibranium.” He said knocking his metal hand on the table.

“Can I see it?” She asked and held out her hand.

“Sure.” He put his metal hand in hers.

She weighed it in her hand, it felt lighter than she expected. She stroked the palm of the hand, it was smooth and cold. She let her fingers wander up on the inside of the wrist. His fingers twitched and he let out a breath.

“Wait, do you actually feel this?” She eyed him incredulously.

“Well, yes, a little, don’t ask me how, the technology is too advanced for me to grasp.” He said sheepishly.

“I won’t ask, but it’s amazing.”

“It sure is.” He said, and she wasn’t sure they were talking about the same thing.

They had a slow morning. She sat on the couch watching tv, while he read a book. He didn’t take the words in though, because his thoughts were elsewhere. He looked at his metal arm and remembered the feeling of her touch. She hadn’t looked scared, or disgusted... she had looked fascinated and excited. It was the first time in almost 80 years that he had been touched like that, and been looked at like that. Like he was worth something. 

He had been angry at Jared, at the way he spoke to her when he was outside the door. But he had been furious at the things she told him about their past. How could someone do so much damage to a person they were supposed to love? And to a sweet person like her? He thought she was beautiful, but she was also interesting and funny, and he genuinely wanted to get to know her better. He wanted to be her friend, and he felt that they were good on their way on that part. 

“Hey, do you want to go for a walk?” He suddenly asked her.

“Sure, that sounds great!” She said as she looked up at him and the she got up and went to her room. 

“Just let me get changed first!” She called from the other side of the door.

He stood there for a few seconds, before going into his own room to pull on some jeans and a warm hoodie. This would be a good day.


	7. A walk in the park

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They have a nice day out, and meet an unlikely friend

It was a cold day, which suited them just fine. She could have a warm cozy sweater on without being too hot and he could cover his arm and hand without it being suspicious. He could just take off the prosthetic arm, but figured that it wouldn’t be any less conspicuous.

The colours in the city had started to change, and everything now bathed in a warm glow of red, orange and yellow. 

Maddie loved fall, even if the days grew shorter. It left room for more time curling up under a blanket with lit candles, hot chocolate or tea, and a good book. She sure knew how to live an exciting life. 

She had often been regarded as weird for liking fall better than summer and sunshine, quiet nights at home instead of partying in night clubs, a few deep connections instead of many superficial ones. 

She had always felt confident in her choices though, and didn’t want to be defined by others. If someone didn’t like her, they wouldn’t have to be around her. 

Of course she could enjoy going out from time to time, but her life and weekends didn’t revolve around it as for many others her age. One of her exes went out every weekend and actually said to her that he wanted to prioritise his friends and partying, and that because of that, he didn’t have time for her. Ouch. 

When she went out, she liked going to quieter pubs instead of dance clubs. She wasn’t much of a dancer. Though, a slow dance with someone she liked could be kinda nice actually.

While she was lost in thoughts, Bucky had walked silently beside her admiring the beautiful city and reflected on this past week. 

They had gotten to know each other better during their time together, but he sensed that there was a lot he had yet to discover. He looked forward to that. 

He was a relatively quiet person. He had been out and about in his youth, before the war, and some people would probably see him as sort of a “happy-go-lucky” person during that time. Maybe he was. He had been out dancing with a lot of girls before everything, but he had never had time to find something more meaningful before he left for the war.

He was now a man of few words, but maybe that was inevitable when you had seen what he saw and done what he did. These days he only said what was necessary and what he really meant. He had lost so much time that he didn’t want to waste any more by playing games. He didn’t have many friends left, since all his old ones had died long ago, and some of the newer ones not that long ago. He had the avengers and everyone around them, but they all have their own lives to live, with family, work and things like that. 

He was glad that he had found Maddie. A friend made his days feel more meaningful. 

She interrupted his thoughts. “What are you thinking about?” She asked him, looking at him from the corner of her eye. 

“A lot. About this past week, about this past life.” He said.

“What about this past week?” She questioned him further. It felt so natural that she didn’t even have any thoughts about being too pushy. 

“Well, it’s been a good week” he answered, smiling to himself.

She noticed the content look on his face and felt her heart skip a beat. She didn’t ask anything else, they just kept walking together. 

They arrived at a small park and decided to get a cup of coffee at a nearby stand.

A bench a little bit away from the people strolling around in the park became their perfect spot for enjoying the beautiful day.

They sat watching people for a while in silence before he broke it by saying “so, how do you think this week has gone?”. He really wanted to know what she thought. She had only said that thing about it being good that he could keep that ex out, but he hoped that she might want to be friends with him too.

“It’s been great coming home to cooked food and a clean apartment” she said and winked at him.

His heart dropped a little. Ok, so she might just want to keep him around because he was useful. He would have to accept that. 

“But really, it has been great for other reasons too. I like hanging with you. It feels comfortable to talk, but also to sit in silence doing nothing. It’s nice to have a friend close by so much of the time” she continued.

Relief washed over him and he felt the smile spread across his face. She had even called him a friend.

“I agree” he said.

She saw the changes in his face while she spoke. He was easy to read. She could see the disappointment changing to relief and then to happiness. And she thought it was as beautiful as seeing the explosion of colour in the change of seasons. She wondered if he knew how his face exposed all the shifts in his feelings. 

“Do I have something on my face?” He asked, meeting her eyes with a look of surprise in his own.

She felt her face growing hot and quickly moved her eyes away from his face “No, just an eyelash, but it blew away”

“Huh, ok, good. I thought for sure I had at least one booger on my nose” he joked.

She laughed out loud, and he loved hearing it.

Suddenly they heard a voice call out from farther down the road. “Hey Miss Johnson!”. They both turned towards the voice.

A young man, almost a boy, came running towards them, smiling. 

“Hi Peter!” Maddie said when he arrived at their bench.

“What’s up?” He asked, and that’s when he saw Bucky’s face. “Hey man! It’s good to see you!” He continued.

“Hi Peter, long time no see” Bucky said as he stood and gave him a hug. 

While this scene played out, Maddie sat watching them, bewildered. Why did her student know the winter soldier? 

“Do you know each other?” She interrupted their friendly greeting. “Or, it’s obvious that you do, but how?”.

“It’s a long story” Bucky said at the same time Peter said “We’re sort of… colleagues”

She looked from one to the other, trying to connect the dots. She laughed and said “Ok, I think someone might have to explain this to me a bit slower at some point”. 

“But… how do YOU know each other then?” Peter asked curiously, gesturing between her and Bucky. 

“We are roommates” she told him, and he made big eyes at her. 

“Roommates? Whoa, nice!” He exclaimed with a knowing smile.

“Oh, no…” Maddie started. “Just roommates” Bucky said at the same time.

“Ok, ok, I get it” he told them, without dropping the knowing smile. He started walking off backwards and said “see you later!” To them before he disappeared. 

“You are telling me everything later” she said and poked her finger to Bucky’s chest.

“I promise” he chuckled.

“So, do you wanna head back?” She asked.

“Yes, let’s go home”

She nodded, “home”.


	8. Breakfast in bed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For once, she is the one making breakfast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Sorry for the slow update. I've been super busy, but now it's here! :)

On Sunday, Maddie woke up early. Usually she would sleep in and Bucky would already be awake and have breakfast ready when she finally stumbled out of her room like a zombie. However, today was a chance for her to repay him and make him breakfast instead. 

She went quietly to the kitchen and started the coffee maker before she put a few slices of bread in the toaster. She opened the fridge and stood there for a while, thinking about what she would prepare for him.

She finally decided that toast with marmalade and cheese, coffee, orange juice, some watermelon and pineapple would do fine. She took everything out and tried to cut and place the fruit on the plates in an artistic way.

Would this be enough? Maybe she should have made pancakes instead. The thoughts whirled around in her head until she remembered that he actually seemed to eat just about everything you put in front of him. It should be fine. 

After a little while, she started to wonder if he would wake up soon. The coffee would start to get cold if it was left any longer. The same went for the stack of toasted bread laying on the table.

An idea struck her, and she went over to the kitchen counter and started to dig around in the cupboards under it. She pulled out a wooden tray that looked old and well worn, with handles and a flower pattern around the edges. She started to put the plates and cups of food and beverages on it and when it was full of everything she had prepared for breakfast, it was heavy.

She lifted it a bit shakily, afraid of spilling anything or dropping it, and walked over to his closed bedroom door. Balancing the tray on one hand, she used the other to knock on the door but there was no response.

Carefully, she pushed the door open and peeked inside. He was fast asleep, and she heard a soft snore coming from him where he was sprawled out on the bed, making it look smaller than it was. His face was pressed down into the pillows and his hair was tousled. Thank god his covers were pulled up to his waist, she didn’t know if she would be able to handle seeing more of him than the back she was now faced with. 

She tip-toed towards the bed and put the tray down on the dresser next to the nightstand. 

She hadn’t forgotten the last time she woke him up and pondered her options for a minute before she decided that she needed to keep away from his arm. She went a few steps down towards the foot of the bed and carefully patted his (ridiculously athletic) calf and saying “Bucky?” without any sign of life from him. She did it again, a bit harder this time and said “Hey, wake up”. When he stirred, she quickly took a step back and watched him raise his head and groan. 

When their eyes met, he sat up quicker than anything she had ever seen and looked flustered. It was adorable. “Um, h-hi, good morning” he said with a confused look on his face and then continued, “What time is it?”. He yawned and rubbed his eyes. 

“It’s only 8 am. I figured I would take the chance to make you breakfast for once. Sorry if I scared you” she said, feeling a bit awkward where she stood a few feet away from him.

“You would think that nothing could surprise me or sneak up on me at my age and with my background, but apparently that’s not the case” he smiled a weak smile.

“Well, at least I wasn’t as surprised this time around” she chuckled and gestured towards the bed.

He sighed, “I’m still sorry about that you know, you shouldn’t have to worry about being attacked in your own home while trying to be nice” he said, not looking at her.

She stepped forward and put a hand on his shoulder. “Hey, we’re friends, we figure these things out together. I’m fine, and not worried at all” she said and tried to catch his gaze. It was then she realised where her hand was and pulled it away, turning to the tray of food to hide her blush. 

“You should eat this before it gets cold” she said as she lifted it and put it down on his lap. 

He looked down at it, “Wow, this looks great, thank you Maddie” he said as he finally lifted his gaze and looked at her. When he did, he noticed that she was already on her way out of the room.

“Wait!” he called to her. “Are you going to leave me here to eat all by myself?” he asked her when she turned around. She thought she could hear a slight tinge of disappointment in his voice. 

She met his eyes and said, “Um, I could stay, I guess, if you want company”.

“I do” he said, his gaze not wavering and a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.  
“Let me just go and get my coffee” she said and went out to the kitchen again. When she came back with her favourite cup in her hand, she stood at the foot of the bed again, contemplating her next move. Where would she sit? On the chair in the corner? On the floor? Or maybe she should just stand up?

He interrupted her frantic thoughts by saying “There’s space over here” and patting the bed next to him. 

She nodded nervously and went around the bed to sit at his other side. He scooted over a bit and made room for her. She climbed into the bed and rested her back against the headboard. She swallowed, her throat feeling dry as a desert with the nervousness. She thought that he had to be able to hear her heart beating wildly.

When she glanced over at him, she calmed down a bit. He was chewing on a piece of toast and didn’t seem to notice anything else. He didn’t even look bothered at all by their close proximity. She could feel the warmth radiating off his bare skin next to her, even if they weren’t even touching. She drank her coffee and they fell into a comfortable silence.

He was so hyperaware of her that he had to focus on chewing like a normal human being. He had been so blindsided by her waking him up that he was embarrassed. He also felt exposed, being covered only from the waist down, with his whole metal arm and shoulder exposed for her to see. Would she find it repulsing now that she saw it all? She didn’t look like it though. When he snuck a glance at her, she looked fine, but with that pinkness to her cheeks that he had started to notice quite often. 

He was happy that she had brought him breakfast, and that she had stayed with him after all. 

“What are you doing today?” he asked her between two bites.

“I have practice later today, but other than that, nothing. What about you?” she answered him.

“I don’t know, I figured I might go see my old roommates and say hi. It’s been some time since I last saw them” he said. Then he added, “What kind of practice do you have?”.

She lit up when she told him, “Oh right! I haven’t told you about that? I take self-defence twice a week, on Sundays and Wednesdays. It’s great!” She exclaimed.

“Really? That sounds like fun” He said, and meant it. He had always enjoyed that kind of training.

“It’s kind of a mix of different martial arts. Like they have picked the parts that are useful when protecting yourself from an assailant” She explained. 

He nodded and took another sip of his coffee while he listened to her with interest.

“That’s good to know, and to be prepared if something would happen” He said. She thought she could see something hard in his eyes when he said it, but it disappeared so quickly that she wasn’t sure.

“Yeah, it’s not always easy to feel safe as a woman, especially if you are outside at night or somewhere secluded. At least I can say that I did absolutely everything I could now if something were to happen” she said.

His insides twisted at the thought of her being in any kind of situation where she would have to use those skills. He admired the determination in her voice though.

“Well, I could never understand what that feels like, being a man, and an enhanced one at that. But I do understand the feeling of being forced to protect yourself from things you shouldn’t have to protect yourself from” He stated quietly.

She just looked at him for a moment before she spoke, cautiously, not wanting to overstep any boundaries, “You have been through a lot, huh?”.

“Heh, that might be understating it a bit, but yes” he chuckled.

“Will you tell me about it?” she asked. 

He lifted his eyes to meet hers, “Do you want to hear about it?”.

She kept his gaze and said, “Yes, because that means getting to know you better”.

“Then I’ll tell you, but not today. Today is too good of a day to talk about that and we should eat up and get this one started” he said and smiled brightly at her and she couldn’t help smiling back at him.


	9. Separate adventures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They split up for the day to meet some friends and do some stuff.

Maddie arrived at practice a few hours later and greeted her friends with hugs. She was looking forward to the training. It was always so much fun and she felt so good afterwards. Today they were practicing defence towards an assault where you are pushed down to the ground on your back, either being strangled or gripped in some other way. 

She paired up with a girl named Farrah who was long, slim, strong and fast. Maddie used to think that she was basically her opposite. They took turns to attack each other and defend against the assault. Maddie had some trouble with getting it right while Farrah seemed to get the hang of it ridiculously easy.

At the end of the lesson she still hadn’t figured it out, and she was frustrated to the point of tears. She knew that she was just starting to learn it and that it would just take some practice, but she hated feeling weak or like she couldn’t do something.

She went into the locker room and pulled off her sweaty clothes, sitting down on a bench. The other women came in after her and chatted excitedly to each other. 

“Hey, did you find a roommate yet?” Farrah asked her from the other side of the room.

She looked up and met Farrah’s eyes “I did actually!” she said and thought about Bucky.

“What’s up with that smile?” Farrah asked curiously and came over to sit down beside her on the bench. 

“I’m just glad I finally found someone to help me pay my bills” she lied. 

“Riiight. So, who is it?” she pushed on.

“It’s just a guy named Bu-eh-James” She said, quickly changing what she almost said, not wanting to risk exposing his identity. 

“Oooh, a guy? Is he cute?” another girl asked as they now swarmed around her giggling and whooping. 

“Well, he’s ok, I guess. He’s nice.” She said, trying to look casual, unaffected. 

“Just nice? Not a potential more-than-roommates-type?” Farrah said and nudged her in the ribs.

“No! Not at all! He’s just a nice guy and a good roommate”. She tried to sound convincing but could hear that her voice was squeakier than normal. 

“Ok Fine. That’s too bad though, you could use some excitement” Farrah said and winked at her.

“Like you’re one to talk, huh?” Maddie laughed and shoved her shoulder before they got up to hit the shower. She lingered a few seconds behind Farrah, rubbing her hands up and down her face. She was so glad that they had left the subject.

When she arrived back home, the apartment was empty. So, Bucky wasn’t back yet then? She went into her room to hang her damp clothes to dry and then flopped down onto the bed. She took in the sight of her room. The walls were bright orange and filled with photos, pictures, shelves with small memorabilia, and posters. She had more bookshelves in here, and they had more books, some art material, figurines, games and much more. 

Other than that, she had a desk, an armchair and a lot of pillows and blankets. There were also a few piles of clothes on the floor, but those weren’t a part of the décor. Some would probably say that her room was messy with all the little things and the many bright colours, but she loved it. It was warm, cosy, colourful, and made her feel at home and happy. Could you wish for anything more than that?

She closed her eyes and let the thoughts fly free around her, she felt the tiredness creep up on her, so she pulled one of the blankets up over herself and fell asleep.

\-----------------------------------

Bucky stepped up to the gate and pressed the button beside the intercom. He waved at the small camera on top of the fence and heard a click and a buzz as the door opened. 

He walked inside and saw the grounds, brown soil with no grass, a bit depressing. The place was utterly destroyed in the fight against Thanos and the ground had been smoothed out and fixed before the new building was started. It still had some work left before it was restored to its former glory though. 

When he walked into the building, he heard voices coming from the kitchen. 

There was laughing, and what sounded like fighting. He walked over and leaned on the door frame, watching as Bruce, in his large green form, held what looked like a half-eaten sandwich over his head. Jumping around him was Sam, trying to reach it while cursing and swearing. 

“Give it back you big green ass!”

“No, you stole my bread. I just took it back” Bruce answered calmly, with a hint of glee in his voice.

“Oh come on! You’re making a bigger deal out of this than necessary. It’s just bread!” Sam howled.

“Right should be right” Bruce said before he turned and stopped as he saw Bucky standing there. 

“Hey buddy! Good to see you! He said as he put down the sandwich on the counter again and came over to give him a rib crushing hug.

“Hey, it’s good to see you too” Bucky said breathlessly as his feet left the ground.

Bruce put him down as Sam came over, chewing on the sandwich in question, and greeted him between bites.

“Hey man, what’s up?” he said as he reached out and patted his back. 

“I just thought I would come by and see if you survive out here without me. Apparently, it’s not that certain” he chuckled. 

“Well, we try at least” Bruce answered him and went over to the counter again.

“Want a sandwich?” he asked. 

“HEY! Why does he get to eat your bread and I don’t??!” Sam said incredulously.

“Because he’s a guest, and he’s nice” Bruce countered. 

Sam grumbled and Bucky couldn’t help the laugh that escaped him. “Sure, I could eat” he said.

“Of course you could, you always can” Sam said, sulking.

Bruce handed Bucky a large sandwich and they sat down at the table.

“So, how’s the living arrangement working out for you?” Bruce asked.

“It’s good actually. I like living there” Bucky answered between bites.

“And that woman you live with, how’s she?” Sam added.

“She’s nice” he said looking at his sandwich.

Sam laughed, “Nice? What is she, an old lady?”.

“Not really, but she might be a little bit like an old lady though” he said as he thought about her love for tea and books, hanging out at home and hand crafting. 

Sam and Bruce exchanged looks and shrugged at each other, not really understanding the happy look on Bucky’s face and how it connected to this supposedly young old lady. They were curious but knew that they wouldn’t get any more information out of him.

“How’s the status around here nowadays?” Bucky changed the subject.

“It’s pretty slow. Just a few minor crimes to take care of. No alien invasion or saving the world lately.” Sam said. 

“We are focusing on researching the alien technology we were left with after everything. To see if we can use it for something.” Bruce added. 

“That sounds good. I’m glad to hear everything’s fine. You can always call if you need help with anything” Bucky said.

“We know” they nodded.

“So, where’s everyone else?” he asked.

“Well, some are on different assignments for SHIELD. Thor is somewhere in space with those alien weirdos. Clint is with his family. Peter is a regular teenager most of the time and Pepper stops by from time to time, but she is always busy with being a mom and running the company. So, in short, everyone is trying to keep living normal lives despite everything they’ve lost.” Bruce said with sadness in his voice and with his thoughts wandering off somewhere else entirely. 

“I get that” Bucky said and put his hand on the large shoulder. “We all are”.

A few hours later Bucky went home with promises to keep in touch and a few comments about him and Maddie that he ignored. 

When he stepped inside the apartment it was quiet. The door had been locked but Maddie’s shoes were there so she should be home. He walked over to her door and saw that it was open a little bit. He gently pushed it open and glanced inside. She was sleeping curled up under a fluffy blanket with her hair flowing over the pillows. 

He had a sudden urge to stroke her hair and touch her but stepped away and silently shut the door before he would act on it, or before she woke up and found him there staring at her.

He sat down on the sofa. It wasn’t time to start making dinner yet and he didn’t have anything else he needed to do, so he picked up a book he was reading, called Uprooted, and started reading as he lay down. 

He didn’t get through many pages before he fell asleep with the book on his chest. 

\-----------------------------------

When Maddie woke up, she didn’t know where she was at first. Then she realised that she had fallen asleep and sat up. What time was it?

She flung the blanket off and stood up. When she went out to the living room, she found Bucky on the couch, sleeping with one of her favourite books on his chest. 

She carefully picked up the book and put it on the table instead. There was a blanket at the back of the couch that she pulled out and laid across him trying not to wake him. 

When she had succeeded, she went into the kitchen to start dinner. She wasn’t in the mood for anything advanced, so she decided on a stew with mushrooms and vegetables with rice on the side. 

She listened to an audio book while she worked, and when everything was boiling in a pot, and the rice was in the rice cooker, she made a small green salad that she put in the fridge while she waited for the rest to get done. 

\------------------------------------

Bucky woke up to the smell of food. The book lay on the table and he had a blanket on. Maddie must have put it on him. He just laid there enjoying the warmth, feeling happy that she had cared. 

When he got up and went over to the kitchen, she was standing with her back to him, listening to something on her phone. Something about someone working in a café, but it was so out of context that he didn’t get what it was about. 

She turned around and yelped when she saw him. She jumped and dropped the cup she was holding. Before it smashed on the floor, he reached out and caught it. 

“Oh my god, you scared me!” she gasped.

“I’m sorry, really” he said without being able to keep the smug smile from his face.

“Yeah, you really look sooo sorry” She said, making a face.

“Well, a little maybe” he said, now with a full-blown grin. 

She had started to see a new side of him now that they had gotten to know each other better. He had a dry sense of humour, but with a playful glint sometimes, like a little kid. They had even gotten into a sort of teasing jargon at times. 

“Instead of trying to scare me to death, maybe you could set the table?” she said, trying to look at him with a piercing glare but failing. Instead she responded to him with a smile of her own. 

He nodded cheerfully and started taking out plates and glasses from the cupboards and putting them on the table. 

They sat down and ate while talking about this and that, the book he was reading and the trip to see his friends. 

“I don’t know if I should feel starstruck or intimidated by you being friends with so many superheroes” She said, stabbing a piece of mushroom with her fork.

“They’re really just people like you and me. I can introduce you to them sometime if you want to.” he said. 

“That reminds me! How do you know Peter, my student? You promised you’d tell me” she said, changing the subject again.

“We… fought together in the war against Thanos, the mad monster who caused all those disappearances” he started to explain.

“I have only heard rumours about that, and what the newspapers wrote, but I have no idea what’s actually true. So, he was the one wiping out all those people?” She asked him quietly. 

“Yes, including me, and 50 percent of all living things.” He said looking solemn.

Maddie couldn’t quite wrap her head around the whole thing. She had been lucky when it all happened, and none of the people close to her had vanished, only acquaintances and people she barely knew. 

“But how? And why?” she asked.

“He used something called the infinity stones that gave him control over basically everything. Why he did it? He had some crazy conviction that it would make the universe better. In the end we managed to reverse it again though and the stones were taken care of, so it won’t happen again” he continued.

She thought for a while, before she spoke. “That’s reassuring. It’s scary to think about everything that I don’t know could happen.”

“I understand. But there are many people who DO know, who does everything in their power to keep you safe” he said, and she didn’t know who he was talking about, but she got the feeling that there was some meaning behind the words.

“So, why exactly was Peter involved in all this?” she asked.

He seemed to hesitate before he evidently decided to talk. “If I tell you, you have to promise not to tell anyone else, ever, or he will be in danger”.

He looked very serious, and she would never tell anyone a secret anyways. “Of course” she said, and he trusted her. 

“Do you know about Spider man?” He asked.

“Who doesn’t? He’s the friendly neighbourhood spider!” she said.

“Mhm, and guess who’s behind the mask?” 

There were a few seconds of silence before it clicked into place. She spit out the sip of water she had just taken, all over the table. “W-WHAT!? No way! But he’s just a kid!” she coughed out.

“Yeah, a good kid, and he’s great in a fight. We couldn’t have won without him on our team”. He said sincerely.

“Wow, this is weird.” she stated.

“Sure is.” he agreed.

They sat in silence for a while until he broke it again. “How was your practice?”.

“It was… fine. It’s been better… I couldn’t quite get the hang of the technique today”. She said.

“Oh, ok. I’m sure you’ll get it with some more practice, right?” he sounded so sure of it.

“Probably, but it’s frustrating when everyone else made it” she sighed.

“I can help you practice at home.” he said as if he just got this brilliant idea.

The thought of being so close to him in that position made her so nervous she wanted to run away. “Um, thank you, but you really don’t have to do that for me, it’s ok” she stuttered.

“It’s no trouble, really, let me help you.” he pushed on. 

She didn’t know what to say, he was so excited to help her. “Ok, fine, I guess we could try”. She finally managed to say and forced herself to smile even if she was scared to death.

“Great! Let’s clean this up and get started” he exclaimed enthusiastically.

“Now?” she said, even more nervous now.

“Yeah, or do you have anything else you need to do?” he stopped to look at her.

“No… not really” she mumbled.

“Good!” he said as he started to put the leftovers away and the dishes in the sink.


	10. Flashbacks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Training, flashback, hug and realisation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a shorter one, because I wanted to post it before the work week starts. Hope you like it!

The spare bedroom was behind the only door he had never opened before. Now Maddie opened the door and stepped in before him. He looked around, taking it in. It was pretty empty except for a guest bed, a nightstand and a few boxes put in neat stacks towards the wall. 

“So this is what was in here” he said looking around.

“Yup. I don’t use it that often. No one really comes to visit, and most of my friends and family lives close by. I had an idea that I would make it an arts and crafts room, but I haven’t gotten to it yet”.

He nodded, "That's a good Idea"

“Let’s do this then, what are we working on?” he added and clapped his hands together.

She swallowed audibly. “It’s a technique to get away from an attacker being on top of you trying to pin you to the ground or strangling you while you are on your back” she tried to explain it to him. 

Realisation dawned on his face. “Oh, I see”. He averted his gaze and wondered if this was a mistake. 

“Let’s just try” she said, determined to push through the awkwardness. “I’ll lay down, you sit between my legs and try to reach my neck. Then I try to use my legs to roll you around, so I get on top instead” she continued. Mentally chanting “I do this every week, it’s not any different than that”.

He nodded, a look of resolution in his eyes. 

She laid down on the carpet and he positioned himself between her knees. It felt too close, too intimate, but they both tried to think about it being training, nothing else. 

“Ok, try to get closer to me and reach my neck. Remember that you need to pretend to be a human with normal strength” she said jokingly.

“I’ll try. Give it your best”. He answered, his face serious.

She twisted her body and put her foot on his knee, pushing it away from her. This resulted in him landing flat on top of her and she huffed as the air left her lungs.

“Sorry!” he pushed himself up, making sure she could breathe again.

“That’s not exactly how it’s supposed to be, so it’s my fault. I need to get you rolling so you don’t land on me” she said.

“If I need to roll, maybe you need to push me to the side in some way?” he suggested. 

“Yeah, I think that’s the idea, let’s try again” she said as she positioned herself again. 

They did it again, and after a few tries she managed to get her knee up between them, hooking the foot around his waist. When she pushed his knee with the other foot and used the leg between them to shift his body to the side, he rolled off her. 

“Yes!” she exclaimed happily. “That’s more like it!”.

“I noticed, I felt the force behind it and couldn’t really counter it”

She was speculating now “I need to figure out how I’m supposed to end up on top of you. I have to roll with you… hmm”.

They tried again, but she didn’t roll all the way with him, instead she ended up an arm’s length away from him. Not the best position to be in if it was a real fight. The next try she held on tighter to his arms and kept her foot hooked around him as she pushed. Suddenly, without having time to realise it, she was straddling him, pinning his arms to the floor.

“I did it!!” she beamed at him, but he didn’t beam back. She recognised the look on his face. He looked scared and was so tense she could see his muscles vibrate. “Hey, are you ok?” she said softly and loosened the grip on his arms. When the hold disappeared, the distant look in his eyes disappeared and he met her worried gaze. “I-I…” he tried to form words, but his brain didn’t want to comply. “It’s ok, don’t rush it” she said, patting his shoulder. He twitched at the touch and she pulled her hand away immediately. “I think I got some kind of flashback from the restraint, but I’m fine, I was just startled by it…” his voice trailed off.

She realised that she was still sitting on top of him and scrambled off as fast as she could without hurting him. “S-Sorry” she mumbled. She felt stupid. He had recoiled at her touch and she was mortified. She didn’t mean to hurt him, physically or mentally, but she had done just that. 

He sat up and rested his head on his knees. She saw his back moving with every breath he took. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you” she said again, a bit clearer. When he didn’t answer, she just sat there, giving him as much time as he needed. 

“I’ve been restrained so many times. Tortured, hurt, manipulated. Pretty much everything you can think of to break someone down. This is another thing I’ve never experienced before because no one has been so close to me since everything happened. I could almost feel the pain again…” his voice trembled and trailed off into a whisper. 

She slid closer to him, careful not to touch him again. “Bucky… you’re ok, I won’t hurt you, I promise”.

He let out a shaky breath and lifted his head to look at her. “I know, it’s not your fault”.

She saw that he meant it, but she also noticed the fear still present. If he wasn’t scared of her, then what was he scared of? She didn’t want to push him, so she didn’t ask. Instead she said “It’s really not strange that you react to things like that. You’ve been through a lot. You don’t have to tell me, but I want you to know that you can always talk to me. I’ll always be here”. When she said it, she knew it was true. He had become someone important to her in such a short time, and she wanted him to stay that way. 

“Thank you, Maddie, thank you” he said as he reached out for her hand. He took it, but instead of holding it, like she thought he would, he placed it carefully on his shoulder, where she had touched him just a few moments ago. She let it stay there, and she felt a strong urge to give him a hug but didn’t know if she should. 

“Bucky?” she said. 

“Yeah?” he answered.

“Can I… give you a hug?” she asked.

He just nodded. She inched closer to him, until she sat right beside him, her knees touching the side of his leg. She carefully slid her hand across his back and pulled him gently towards her. He followed her lead, and she wrapped her other arm around him too. She didn’t dare squeezing him too hard, but she held him firmly. His arms found their way to her waist, wrapping around her too and she could feel the tension leaving his body. He relaxed and leaned his head on her shoulder. Under the palm of her hand the beat of his heart started to slow down.

They sat like that for what felt like an eternity. Maddie didn’t want to let him go now that she finally got to touch him. Bucky didn’t want to let go either, it felt so good to be held like this. Somehow, it felt like their friendship had grown a lot in the last hour, but none of them were so naïve to believe that it would be easier from now on. They would figure it out together though, because that’s what friends do.

Maddie was the one to break the hug, and the silence. “Hrm, so, eh, wanna watch a movie?” she said, her voice rising an octave. 

“Yes, I do” he said, looking at her with a new calm in his eyes and what looked like a small smile on his lips.

“Great, I’ll just go and get changed", she said and disappeared to her room.

Bucky looked at the doorway where she had left and thought to himself that he was surely in trouble, feeling a strange new warmth inside.

Maddie stood with her back against the door in her room. Damn, she was in trouble, she thought as she rubbed her hands across her face, trying to wipe the stupid grin off.


	11. Leaving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He has a lot to figure out, and he gets some help to do it.

Days went by and they didn’t speak of the events of Sunday evening. They had watched a movie and gone to bed. She had been working during the days and on some of the nights, so they had barely seen each other. The conversations during dinners and downtime were barely grazing the personal sphere, and neither of them dared to go away from that safe zone. Bucky was embarrassed that he had broken down so bad and feared his own mind. He had carefully assembled himself and his feelings into a calm controlled exterior and now he didn’t have that control anymore. He didn’t know what would happen or what he was capable of. What if his brain wasn’t as ok as they had thought? What if he was still dangerous?

Shuri had told him that they had been able to remove the harmful connections made in his brain, but what if they missed anything? He didn’t trust himself and couldn’t risk putting Maddie in danger. 

The hug had been comforting and welcome, but it also brought feelings up to the surface that scared him. If a thing like hands on his wrists could trigger that kind of reaction, could he really be sure that other feelings, good feelings, wouldn’t do the same? He had decided after that hug that he needed to keep his distance. 

He still wanted to be her friend, but couldn’t loosen the control any more than he already had, not even a little bit. 

\------------------------

Maddie had been working hard every day, trying to focus on other things than that hug and the massive confusion after it. 

It was clear that Bucky distanced himself from her, and she didn’t understand why. She had thought that they had become closer but now it seemed like the complete opposite. The short moments they met and talked, he had steered clear of subjects even remotely close to anything important or related to the “incident” on Sunday.

She felt rejected. She knew that it was a bit unreasonable to expect more from him as they were just friends, and new ones at that, but it had almost felt as if they were moving closer to being something more like best friends. She felt sad when thinking about what she might have lost and took on extra shifts at her night job to get away from the uneasy tension at home. 

On Wednesday when she went to practice, she managed the technique very well, but she couldn’t be happy about it since it only reminded her of Bucky. Afterwards she hurried home, not even bothering to shower since she didn’t want to answer any questions from her curious friends. 

When she came home, there was dinner on the table, but no Bucky to be seen. She ate alone and went to take a shower. With the water running down her face and body, it mixed with her tears and drowned out the sound of her sobs. What had she done? 

She blamed herself, because that’s what she had learned to do. She shouldn’t have let him help her, she shouldn’t have touched him, and she shouldn’t have hugged him. She had ruined everything. 

\--------------------------

Bucky sat on a bench a few blocks away, looking at cars passing by. He’d gone for a walk, trying to clear his head but it wasn’t helping.

“Psst!” he suddenly heard from behind. He turned around to face the alley but didn’t see anything. 

“Up here!” the voice said, and he followed it with his gaze until he saw a red and blue figure up on the wall.   
“Oh, hi Peter,” He said, relieved that it wasn’t anyone else. He stood up and walked over. As the darkness swallowed him and he was away from sight, Peter dropped down beside him. 

“What’s up?” Peter asked through the fabric of his mask.

“Not much” Bucky answered vaguely, “Just went for a walk to clear my head.”

The concern in the boy’s voice was clear, “You don’t look that well actually.”

Bucky sighed, tired of keeping everything bottled up but Peter just kept talking, “Miss Johnson didn’t look very well at school either, what’s up with that?” He asked.

“What do you mean she didn’t look good?” Bucky asked instead of answering the question.

“She kinda looked like she hadn’t slept for a while, and she was really grumpy.” He said.

Bucky felt a stab of guilt at this. He was angry at himself for putting her through this. It might have been better if he had never met her at all, even if the time spent with her had been good, really good. 

Peter watched the older man’s face. He really looked like crap and was clearly not ok. He was just going to ask him to tell him what was wrong when he heard loud voices coming towards them. Without thinking, he grabbed Bucky and aimed a web at a fire escape, pulling them up and swinging towards a rooftop where he finally put the shocked man down.

“What the hell!” Bucky gasped.

“Sorry! I just thought that we shouldn’t be seen together, or end up in a bad situation.” Peter said sheepishly. 

“I’m not made to fly.” Bucky said as he stood doubled over, fighting the tumbling his stomach did. 

“Sorry.” Peter said, then added, “So, wanna tell me what’s going on?”

Bucky slumped down with his back against the wall and leaned his head back, “I don’t even know.” He said sounding defeated.

“Ok, then start from the beginning and maybe I can understand something,” Peter said as he sat down beside Bucky.

Bucky hesitated, but really wanted to ease his mind, so he told Peter everything. Peter listened, with an attention span not common for a teenager, and interjected with a question here and there. Bucky felt easier than he had done in days when he was done with the story, and waited for Peter to speak.

“I get that you’re scared of hurting someone you care about, that’s inevitable when you’re like us. Even if you have a lot more power, or means to protect people, it also comes with more risks.” Peter said sounding a lot older than he was.

Bucky glanced at him, “Yeah, I guess. Are you really only 17 years old?” he asked.

“Yup, but I guess I’ve been through more than the average person my age though.” Peter said, looking up in the sky, avoiding eye contact.

“You probably have,” Bucky agreed.

After a while in silence, Peter met his gaze, “About your mind. If you’re worried, maybe you should talk to Shuri. I mean, she helped you with the whole brain issues before, right?”.

Bucky had thought about that but didn’t want to be of any trouble. They had already helped him so much and treated him with such hospitality while he was staying there. 

“I don’t know if I should,” he said.

Peter looked at him, “But you’re scared and don’t know what to do. You can’t keep on like this, especially since you think that you’re a threat to people. If you don’t do it for your sake, then at least do it for hers. I mean, you could at least ask, the worst thing that can happen is that they say no.” 

He was right, of course. This kid was more perceptive than you’d think. Bucky knew that something needed to be done, but he knew that in order to help him, Shuri would need to see him. In that case, he needed to go to Wakanda. 

However much he needed to keep his distance from Maddie, that distance felt too far. What if something happened? Or if that crazy ex showed up again while he was gone? 

“I could keep an eye on her if you need to go away.” Peter said, seeing the conflict in Bucky’s face. 

Bucky pulled out his phone and looked at the time, “Thanks, but first of all, I need to call Shuri.” He said. 

Peter stood and wandered off a bit to the side as Bucky pulled out a small glass square that he used to contact people involved with the Avengers. It took a few seconds before a small projection of the King’s sister appeared above the device. 

“Hey Shuri, it’s me, Bucky.” He said.

“Hello Bucky, I can see that it is you. How are you?” Shuri asked him, looking curious.

He smiled, relieved that she seemed to welcome his call, “I’m… not great actually. I don’t know what’s happening, but I think it could be something still wrong with my head.” He explained.

“What is happening?” She asked, serious and straight to the point. 

He started from the beginning and told her everything that had happened until this moment. 

“We didn’t see anything wrong when we looked at you last time, but maybe it is best that we take another look, just to be sure.” She told him.

“I thought you’d say that.” He sighed.

“I can send someone to come get you, or can the Avengers get you here?” she asked.

He shook his head, “I don’t want to worry them with this.” He said, knowing that they would make a bigger fuss of it than it probably was. 

She nodded, “Someone will pick you up tomorrow at noon, be prepared to leave then. I’ll send you the address for the point of retrieving. It is near your home.” 

He wasn’t sure how she knew where he lived but wasn’t naïve enough to believe that they didn’t know more than he knew they did.

“Ok, thanks Shuri.” He said gratefully.

“You know we would do anything to help.” She said before they ended the connection. 

“That’s good right?” Peter said as he came strolling back. “Sorry, I kinda heard everything. It’s sort of difficult not to. You know, with the spider senses.” He shrugged.

Bucky smiled at this, “it’s fine, but yes, it probably is good,” he said, and then added, “Promise to keep an eye on her, please?”

“Of course! I got your back man!” Peter said enthusiastically. 

Bucky trusted him.

“Thanks. Now I need to get back home. Can you please put me down on the ground again?” he asked.

“Oh, right, sure thing!” Peter said grabbing Bucky.

“Please don’t swing me around this time though,” Bucky said.

“I won’t, I promise” Peter said and smiled at him.

\------------------------

When Bucky arrived home, it was already late. Maddie was sleeping, and he felt tired all the way into his soul. He went to bed and decided to set the alarm clock earlier than Maddie does, so he would get time to speak to her in the morning. 

He woke up the next day with a start. The room was lighter than it should have been so early in the morning. He looked at his alarm clock and cursed. It was too late. She was already on her way to work. He got up and looked out on the empty apartment. He was right, she was gone. 

He pulled out his phone and tried to call her but didn’t get an answer. He went back to his room and got his bag out, starting to pack some stuff. Mostly clothes, a book, his phone charger and his toilet bag. 

When he was done, it was almost time to leave. He still hadn’t been able to reach her phone, so when he sat down at the table with a cup of coffee, he pulled out a piece of paper and started writing. 

“Maddie, 

I’m sorry for the past few days. I’m headed away   
for a little while to make sure that my brain is ok   
and not a threat to anyone. 

I’ll be back, I promise.   
If you need anything, call me.

-B”

It had taken him a good part of an hour to write the note, erasing and rewriting it. He needed to get going to the pickup location. He put the note on the table and picked up his bag as he walked out, locking the door behind him. 

\---------------------------

When Maddie came home from work, the apartment was still. She walked straight into the kitchen and threw the stack of mail onto the table. She looked at her phone and saw that she had missed calls from Bucky. She called him back, but no signals went through. She sighed and put her phone away, wondering what he had wanted when he called. 

When she went to her room to get changed, she saw that his door was open. Looking inside, she saw that there were things missing. She stepped inside to get a better look and froze when she saw that all his clothes were gone, along with his toiletries and the few personal belongings he owned. 

Had he left? Without saying anything?

She leaned against the wall and slid down until she sat on the floor. She felt the tears prickle in her eyes and couldn’t hold it in any longer. Sitting on the floor in what had become his room, she cried until there were no more tears left. 

A little while later, she crawled over to the bed and dragged herself up into it. The sheets smelled like him, and she pulled the covers up and breathed it in. The familiar scent was comforting, but it also reminded her that he was gone. The tears made wet spots on his pillow as she cried herself to sleep.


	12. Broken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorryyyyyyy for the long wait! There has been a lot going on at work. But here it is, and another one is on the way! :)

She woke up the next morning only to call in sick from work before she fell asleep again. When she woke up later, her head was aching, and her body felt heavy. She hadn’t realised how much impact Bucky had had on her life during these few weeks, and how much emptiness he left behind. 

She dragged herself out of bed and went out to the kitchen to make some coffee. Her appetite was non-existent, and she didn’t even bother making breakfast. Today it was Friday, and she decided that she would give herself the weekend to mope around before she needed to get it together. 

She looted the freezer and came out with vanilla ice cream with bits of brownies, her favourite. She put on a sappy romantic movie and sat down on the couch with a blanket. 

She was restless and couldn’t focus on the movie no matter how hard she tried. Her thoughts kept going to Bucky and the reasons he had to leave. The leftover ice cream was slowly melting and, not wanting it to go to waste, she sighed heavily and went to put it back in the freezer. 

Outside her window sat a figure, watching over her. Peter had noticed that she wasn’t at school today, so he decided to go over to her house on his lunch break. He noticed that she was eating ice cream and watching TV. She had her pyjamas on and didn’t seem to be in any danger. Maybe she was sick? He couldn’t know without going any closer, but he didn’t want to risk being seen.

He figured that everything was under control and decided to go back to school. First, he recorded a voice message to Bucky though. “She seems ok, is home from work today and eats ice cream and watches TV, possibly sick.” He said and then sent it. 

He couldn’t know that she wasn’t ok at all. 

\------------------

Bucky arrived in Wakanda late on Thursday night, or early Thursday morning depending on which time zone he decided to go by, and was greeted by T’challa and Shuri as soon as he got off the plane. It was nice to see them again after all this time.

“Hello Bucky, it is good to see you again,” T’challa greeted him.

“You too, your majesty” Bucky said. 

“Oh, you know you can call me T’challa,” the king said and smiled warmly at him.

Shuri stepped forward and put her hand on his shoulder, “It is good that you could come”.

“Thanks for helping me,” Bucky said.

“let’s get you settled in; we’ll start working in the morning.” She said as she turned and started walking towards the large glass building, expecting the others to follow. 

They did, and Bucky was shown to a room with a large bed and an on-suite bathroom. It was stylish and clean, and he felt like being in a hotel again. 

There was a knock on the door soon after he had settled in, and when he opened, a man stood there with a tray. When he took off the cover and handed the tray to Bucky, he saw that it was food. He hadn’t realised that he was so hungry until now. He thanked the man and took the food to the small table in the corner and ate it like he had been starving for weeks. 

After a quick shower he laid down on the bed, missing his own. He had begun to think about the room in Maddie’s apartment as his room, and the bed as his bed, and the whole apartment as his home. He picked up his phone to see if Maddie had tried to get in touch, but there was nothing. He felt a pang of disappointment. Shouldn’t she have seen the message now, or seen his call? Or had she, and just ignored it? 

The last few days had been bad, and he had noticed that she distanced herself from him. That was his plan, but it still felt wrong. He hoped that he could go home soon, and that Shuri would be able to help in figuring out what was wrong with him. 

He decided that he would try to call Maddie again, but when he did, there was no dial tone. Damn it, did it have something to do with him being outside the US? He groaned and threw his phone down to the foot of the bed and rubbed his face with his hands. He really hoped that she had read the note, since she probably couldn’t reach him either. 

He couldn’t do much about it now, so he decided that it was best to get some sleep. Soon he would be on his way home again. 

\---------------

The next morning, he woke up from a knock on the door. As he sat up, he called “Come in!” and Shuri poked her head around the door to greet him. 

“Let’s get going! I want to take a look at that brain of yours!” she said, smiling. She was always so excited when faced with a new problem. 

“Yes, just let me get dressed, I’ll meet you outside in a minute.” He told her and watched as she nodded and closed the door behind her as she stepped out again. 

He jumped up and pulled on some clothes before he went into the bathroom to do his business. He pulled a brush quickly through his hair and brushed his teeth before he went out into the hallway to join Shuri. 

She greeted him again and told him to follow her. He did, and they walked together until they reached her lab. She showed him to a table familiar table and asked him to lay down. She connected him to all kinds of machines that he didn’t even try to understand and then went over to a large screen and started to poke at it, concentrated. 

Bucky lay there, quiet and still, and felt his thoughts drift off as if he was asleep. He thought about Maddie, about what would happen if something was wrong with him, or if something wasn’t wrong with him. His thoughts were interrupted by Shuri shaking his shoulder saying, “Hey, Bucky, wake up”. 

He opened his eyes and saw that the sun had shifted quite a bit since he had laid down and his stomach was growling. 

“How long was I out?” he asked Shuri.

“We have been here for almost 4 hours” she told him.

“Wow, did you find anything?” he asked.

“It is going to take some time to go through all the information collected, but I will tell you as soon as I know” she told him, then continued, “let us get you something to eat.”

She showed him to a dining room where someone had prepared different kinds of dishes that looked so appetizing that his stomach seemed to want to jump out through his mouth. 

The food was as good as it looked, and when he returned to his room later that evening, he was full and tired. He hadn’t gotten any messages from Maddie, as expected, but he had one from Peter on his Stark communication device. He listened to it and felt relieved that Peter was keeping an eye on her, but was she sick? That wasn’t good, but she would probably feel better in a few days. He recorded a quick answer saying thanks and asking that Peter keep him updated if something changed. Laying down on the bed, he picked up the book he had taken with him, desperate to try and pass the time.

The next day proceeded in a flash with Shuri and lots of talk about her discoveries about his brain. They went through everything she had found out, which was a lot to take in, and by night he had packed his things and was ready to go home.

\-------------

Maddie spent her Friday and Saturday holed up in her apartment and didn’t even keep in contact with her friends and family. Her phone was laying on the table and she only let it go to voicemail if someone called (Which, to be real, didn’t happen very often).

Maddie usually didn’t like staying home from work if she weren’t really sick, but she wouldn’t have been able to hold it together at work, so she wouldn’t be much help there anyways. The days went by in a blur and on Saturday night she tried calling Bucky again but she was sent to voicemail just like last time. She didn’t know why though. Was he out of the country? Was there a time difference? She sighed and decided to go to bed early.

When she reached the hallway with their doors at the end, she hesitated. Her bed was standing there, familiar and untouched since the day he left. She couldn’t convince herself to sleep there because it felt like she would be letting go of something she was not ready to lose if she did, so she decided she would give herself one more night of his smell and of his lingering presence. 

She climbed into bed and buried her face in the pillow. It still held his scent, but it was growing fainter and getting replaced by her own. 

She turned her gaze to the ceiling and sighed again, it felt like that was the only way she breathed nowadays. This sucked, really bad. Would she have to go on a new hunt for a roommate now? Would anyone ever be able to replace him? …Who was she kidding, she already knew that no one would.

She felt the pang in her chest again at the thought of him and quickly pushed the thought away. She pulled out her phone and played a podcast about true crime to try and take her mind off things, and soon fell asleep.


	13. Back again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so here's another one. I felt inspired tonight! It's not very long, but a bit sweet! They are still clueless.

Bucky stood in front of the small apartment building, remembering when he had seen it for the first time. It felt like ages ago, and now it had gone from new to familiar. When stepping inside he felt so much at ease that it took him by surprise. His stomach fluttered nervously as he thought about seeing Maddie again and having to tell her about everything he found out on his travel to Wakanda. 

He walked through the hallway towards the door with the names Johnson and Barnes on it, smiling when he read the sign. When he unlocked the door and stepped inside, he was flooded with the sights and scents of the surroundings. He took a deep breath and felt right at home again.

After the initial impression, he realised that something was missing. It was too quiet. He wandered further inside and looked around. Maddie should be home. Her shoes and purse was on the floor by the shoe rack. When he saw the living room, he put his bag down and walked over to the couch. Empty food containers and used tissues were strewn across the table and he guessed that it was signs of her cold. 

He walked over to the bedrooms and glanced into hers, but the bed was empty, and the room was dark and quiet. Perplexed, he opened the door to his own room instead and saw a small shape curled up under the covers in his bed. Only a few strands of pink hair were sticking out at the top. 

He smiled at the sight. She had slept in his bed? He wondered why, and almost allowed himself to hope for some meaningful reason other than just convenience or something like that. That thought was, however, pushed away quickly. He couldn’t do that. With everything he now knew, he couldn’t expose her to any more of his world and his troubles. He knew that he needed to tell her, so she could decide if she still wanted him to live there, but first he wanted to catch up with her. 

Maybe he shouldn’t wake her but he longed to talk to her again after these days of complete radio silence so he quietly went over to the bed and sat down on the edge. 

“Good morning Maddie, wake up.” He said quietly as he put his hand on her shoulder and shook her gently. She opened her eyes and looked at him groggily. When her eyes finally focused on him she sat up and stared at him, her mouth opening and closing without any sound coming out. Then she surprised him by throwing her arms around his neck, spluttering “Y-you’re back.”  
Why did she sound so surprised? “Of course, why wouldn’t I?” he asked incredulously.

He felt her freeze and then her arms left him, making him feel colder again. As she backed away from him to the other side of the bed, her eyes flashed with a new hard look, almost like anger. 

“How could I know?! You left without telling me, taking all your stuff with you and then being impossible to reach by phone!” She said, her voice higher now sounding hurt. 

“But… No, I left you the note! And the phone didn’t work where I was, I’m sorry” he tried to calm her. 

“What note?” she snapped back at him.

He stared into her green eyes for a moment, and then stood up. He turned and walked out of the room towards the kitchen with Maddie close on his heels. When reaching the kitchen table, he started to rummage around all the papers and mail on the table until he pulled out a note and held it out to her, not saying anything. There was something written on it in curved, flowing handwriting and she took it with shaking hands and read it in silence. 

“I-I… never saw it…” she said, barely a whisper, and shook her head. She felt mortified. He had left her a message. She hadn’t seen it. She was at fault, as usual. The tears started filling her eyes and she backed away from him before dropping the note and turning around to run into her room. He didn’t even have time to react before he heard the lock clicking from her door, marking the distance between them.

He stood dumbfounded for a second, not understanding what happened. Maddie had disappeared into her room and he could hear the sobs coming from the inside. He walked over to the door and carefully knocked on it, softly saying, “Maddie, come on, let me in so we can talk”.

“No!” she croaked, her voice sounding choked.

“Please, we need to talk” he said again.

“I can’t talk to you. You don’t deserve to have to deal with all this.” She said so quietly that he almost didn’t hear her. 

What? What was she talking about? He realised then that she was blaming herself for this. He understood the feeling, but not entirely how she could see this as her fault. “Maddie, don’t say that. This was not your fault, don’t blame yourself. Please let me in?” he said, hoping she would hear the sincerity of his voice.

A click sounded from the door, but nothing more happened. He pushed it open and stepped inside looking around. He spotted Maddie sitting on the floor at other side of the bed, her back leaning against it. He walked over and sat down beside her. 

They were quiet for a while before he spoke, “It’s not your fault Maddie, the note was just hidden, it was bad luck.”

She didn’t answer at first, but then he heard her voice coming from behind her arms, “I shouldn’t have blamed you; it was unfair. It wasn’t your fault either but I lay all the blame on you, not even knowing the facts.”

“It’s ok, I promise. I understand. Did you really think that I would just have left you without saying anything?” he asked, afraid of her answer. 

“I didn’t think you would, but you wouldn’t be the first to do that, so I didn’t know what to think.” She said, sounding troubled.

He met the green eyes that carefully met his, and said with all the sincerity he possessed, “I would never. I might not be the best person in the world, but I would never hurt you like that. You are so important to me. You are my friend.” He carefully slid his arm around her shoulders, and she didn’t pull away.

She felt her heart drop a bit at the word “Friend” but leaned into the warm embrace anyways. She would take what she could get. “Ok” was the only thing she could say, not trusting her voice yet. 

They sat like that for a while. She leaned her head on his shoulder, feeling the distress leaving her body for the first time since he had left. 

“Hey” she said and looked up at him.

He tilted his head down to meet her gaze, “Yeah?”.

“I’m glad you’re back,” she said and smiled at him, feeling her face getting warm. 

He met those eyes that he had grown to adore and felt his heart flip over inside. He couldn’t move, and couldn’t speak.

She looked into his grey eyes and saw the thoughts swirling around in there. He looked hesitant and thoughtful. The moment continued, and so did their eye contact. She thought that she could see a question in his eyes, and noticed that he had come closer. Her heart started beating erratically and she swallowed soundly, was he going to…?

“I saw the tissues on the table, have you been sick?” he asked, the question rushed and sudden, breaking the spell. 

“Umm, yes, a bit sniffly, that’s all. I’m better now,” she answered, her voice shaky. Her face was so hot that she must look like a tomato by now. As if he would ever try to kiss her. She scrambled to her feet, determined to clear the awkward moment, and started to ramble about making breakfast as she started making her way to the kitchen. 

He followed and watched as she started to pick things out of the fridge and cupboards, still talking, and he just looked at her, happy to be back. He had almost kissed her there in her bedroom. That would have been a bad idea… He couldn’t drag her into his problems like that. From now on, he would start making everything up to her, being her friend, making her feel happy and safe.


	14. The Talks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They finally talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again! Sorry for the long wait, there has been a lot going on here before the winter break, but now I have a few weeks off work and can finally WRITE! woo! I hope you don't find this chapter too boring though, there's a lot of talk :P

The coming days they went back to their normal life together, at least that’s what they tried to do, but the recent events were always present. Maddie was embarrassed that she had behaved so childishly when he had come home and shown her the note. She knew that they needed to talk about it, and she was curious about where he had been, but she would wait for him to take the first step in that conversation, it wasn’t her place to pry. 

When they ate breakfast a few days later before she left for work, she decided that she would try to talk about her reaction and explain it to him. She cleared her throat and started to speak.

“I’m sorry about how I reacted the other day, when you came home” she started, “but I was in a bad place at the time and was childish enough to assume things and not letting you explain. I’m usually calmer and more communicative”. Her voice trembled, as it always did when she was trying to convey feelings or thoughts that were hard for her. 

He frowned when he looked up at her. “It’s ok, I never intended for you to be left without any messages or means to contact me, I understand that must have been distressing”. He answered and waited for her to meet his eyes, “I might have reacted in a similar way”.

“You don’t have to say that”, she sighed but couldn’t keep a smile from tugging at her lips. 

“It’s true. I can get quite emotional at times”. He deadpanned.

She giggled when imagining the stoic man in front of her reacting like she had done. Not that there was anything wrong with emotional men, but it was so far from the picture she had of him. She put her hand over her mouth to stop the giggles from escaping. His lips started twitching and a smile broke out and he joined her laughter.

“Ok, it’s partly true though. I’m just not keen on showing that side amongst other people, hence the ‘scary’ face” he said, pointing at himself. 

“I see”, she nodded and felt like she had been let in on a secret that she wanted to know more about. “You don’t have to pretend for me though, just so you know”.

He just looked at her for a moment, to the extent that she felt like starting to squirm. Had she said something weird again?

“Right back at you” he finally said and grinned at her with that brilliant smile that made her a little weak in the knees.

After she had recovered a little she said, “I hope that we can move forward from everything that has happened and maybe stop this awkward… thing that has been going on for the past few days” and waved a hand between them. “And maybe start communicating a bit better?” she added with a sheepish smile. 

“Yeah, I think we can, and should.” He said, still smiling at her. 

“Good, I should get to work now before I’m late.” She said and stood up to put her dishes in the dishwasher before she went out into the hall and started putting her jacket on. 

“Maddie.” He said following her.

“Yes?” she asked as she turned around to face him.

He stepped forward and wrapped his arms around her without hesitation. After the initial surprise she answered the hug. She took the chance to lean her head on his chest and heard his heart beating steadily. The metal arm was cool to her back but not in an uncomfortable way, and the rest of him was warm and smelled good. He breathed in the scent of her hair, it smelled like strawberries, and squeezed her once before letting go again. 

The hug was short but when she said bye and walked out, he could see the pink on her cheeks again. Hugging had to be ok, friends hugged, right? He was glad that she had felt like she could talk to him, and he decided that he was going to tell her about his findings in Wakanda tonight.

Maddie was thinking about the hug all the way to work. The closeness to him had felt great, and she was glad that it came so naturally to him. She was happy the whole day at work, and when she saw Peter in the hallway, she smiled at him and waved. He was glad that she seemed to feel better now but wondered if Bucky had told her everything yet.

\------------------

When Maddie returned home after work, Bucky was waiting for her at the kitchen table with food ready. He looked serious and her stomach twisted with fear of what would come now. What had changed from the good morning they had had? She sat down on her chair and he handed her a bowl of salad.

“What’s wrong?” she asked him.

“Oh, nothing’s wrong” he said and put some food on his plate. 

The look on his face betrayed him. “Come on, what happened to honesty and communication?” she said, straight to the point.

“I know, it just… makes me nervous” he said and sighed as he put the dish down.

Watching him, she realised that he really looked very nervous. 

“Why? I mean, what are you nervous about?” she asked, curious now.

He hesitated but knew that he needed to be honest now. “I don’t want you to feel unsafe… or throw me out…” he finally said.

She huffed out a short laugh and said, “Well, that’s not going to happen so just spit it out.”

He nodded and then steeled himself, “Ok, so, you know that I was gone for a few days, obviously.” He said looking apologetic, then continued, “And I want to tell you about where I was and what I was doing.”

She didn’t say anything, giving him space and time to tell her in his own pace. She just nodded encouragingly. 

“I was in Wakanda, which you might have heard about. They were the ones who helped me with my brain washing problem, and I lived there while they worked on me. I went back because the episode with the flashback during your training scared the hell out of me and I feared that there was still something in my brain that could be triggered and that I would turn into a mindless killing machine again.” He said and almost sounded pained as the words rushed out of him.

Her mouth felt dry, but she only hummed, nodded and urged him to keep going. She didn’t know what to expect.

He saw that she was hesitant and quickly continued, “Don’t worry, that’s not happening. But there are some things they found out that you need to know before you can decide if you want me to stay here.” He stopped her again, holding up a hand, when he saw that she was going to protest. “Hold on, I’m not done, I need to get this over with. So, there is nothing wrong with my brain, at least not in that way. There are no connections left from the hijacking, and no triggers of the sort there was before. There is however something else that they realised.” He said and took a deep breath. “I am most likely suffering from PTSD, and that would explain the nightmares and flashbacks. I had no idea, but when Shuri couldn’t find anything else wrong, she consulted some of her colleagues who knows more about psychology and they basically diagnosed me on the spot. I have been in contact with a therapist connected to Stark Industries and we have our first appointment next week.” He said, almost rambling now, and then fell silent. He breathed like he had just been running, which usually didn’t leave him even a little winded.

Her brain was whirring, trying to process all this new information. He looked so scared. “Why would I throw you out just because of that?” was the first thing that came out. 

His eyes filled with hope, “Because I’m sick, and might continue to have these problems for who knows how long” he said.

“Well, you are not exactly the only one with these problems, and you are already doing so much to get better! You are still you, the only difference is that now you know why you reacted the way you did and can get some help. I would never ask you to leave because of that.” She answered, astonished.

He let out a shaky breath, “Thank god. I really don’t want to leave.” He said.

“And I don’t want you to leave.” She said and smiled at him, then added, “Thanks for telling me though, you can always talk to me if you need to.”

There was a vulnerable look in his eyes, and she thought she could see something sparkling in them. “Thank you, Maddie. Now, let’s eat before everything gets cold!” He said and poured her a glass of water, breaking the serious mood.


	15. Christmas is coming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Plans for christmas is forming, and some shopping is done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, the chapters are just rolling out now! Haha. I'm feeling inspired! Thanks for your Kudos and comments, they mean a lot to me <3 Hope you like this one, Im pretty happy with it :)

The weeks went by without anything out of the ordinary. Maddie worked her day job but had decided to quit the night one since she didn’t have to pay the bills on her own anymore. Bucky had been helping with some things at the Avengers during some of his days, and the rest of the time he spent doing chores at the apartment, going to his therapist, and filling his days with meaningful things.

They spent their evenings together watching movies, playing games and taking walks in the colder weather that crept up on them the closer they came to the end of the year. They grew more comfortable with each other, and both the honesty and communication were still holding up. 

The physical contact was sparse, and except for the occasional hug and pat on the back, they didn’t really touch. But they weren’t as hesitant as before when they did. 

About a week before Christmas, Maddie came home from work with an uncomfortable expression Bucky hadn’t seen in a while. She plopped down on the couch and he sat down beside her. 

“Did something happen?” he asked, patting her knee.

She looked at the hand on her leg and felt its warmth, “No, not really, or maybe, I don’t know.” She groaned.

He was puzzled but when she continued, he started to understand what it was about. 

“As you know, Christmas is coming soon. My mom called today and told me that I should come to her house and celebrate with her and her husband. My grandma and brother are also joining us, as well as my aunt and her family.” She said.

“Ok, and that’s… not good?” he asked, still not fully understanding the problem.

“Well, it’s not bad, but my family can be a bit much. I love them, but they drive me crazy sometimes. Especially when they are all in the same place at the same time.” She smiled fondly when she spoke of them, and he understood that she didn’t mean anything bad by it.

“I see” he started, “Do you want to go there?” he asked.

“I do, but she also said that I should take my roommate with me…” she left the unsaid question hanging between them and waited for his reaction.

He smiled at her, “I’d be glad to join you, if you want me to” he said.

A long time had passed since he had had a family. His own had died many years ago, and except for Steve and a few distant relatives that didn’t even know he existed, he had no one. Until now. The Christmases of his childhood were only a faint memory, and during his most recent years, there hadn’t been time to celebrate any holidays. 

“Really?” she turned her head to look at him, her mouth hanging open.

“Of course! I haven’t celebrated Christmas in so long and wouldn’t pass on an opportunity to meet your family either.” He told her.

She looked happy, “You don’t know what you’re getting yourself into,” she said and laughed. “They will attack you with weird questions and force you to eat everything in your way.”

“I’m ready, bring it on! I have been questioned and tortured, so I think I can handle a dinner with curious people.” He said with humour and held out his arms in a come-get-me pose. 

“Oh my god, don’t even joke about it! Fortunately, they are most likely not going to do any of that.” She said letting a laugh slip out. She had noticed that he was more open about what had happened to him, and even made jokes about it sometimes like he did now. He seemed happier since he had started going to therapy and she was so glad. 

He grinned at her comment and then became a bit more serious again. “So, should we bring anything?” he asked, and then continued, “I need to buy some new clothes, I can’t wear old t-shirts and jeans to a Christmas dinner!” sounding almost a bit frantic now.

“Nah, she said not to bring anything, so I think some flowers would be enough. About your clothes though, I agree, your wardrobe is pretty limited, but I’ll help you!” She tried to calm him.

They decided that they would go out and do some shopping on the coming Saturday and she looked forward to seeing him in some nice formal wear. Not that she didn’t like what he usually wore, but she had the feeling he would look really good in a button up shirt. 

\-----------------------------------

When Saturday came, they headed out immediately after breakfast and went to a men’s clothing store that had lots of different options, some more formal than others. Bucky decided to hand over some of the style choices to Maddie, since his sense of style was basically left in the past, except for his usual clothes that he picked out based on them being practical and comfortable (and close to what the other Avengers wore). 

Maddie came in the store like a whirlwind and quickly found a store clerk to help them with sizes and fitting. The man who worked there picked out some different shirts and pants and a few pullovers and vests. Some picks Maddie dismissed, and some Bucky turned down, before he was sent into the changing room. 

The man went away with a promise to come and help if they called him, and then left to go help some other customers. Maddie sat outside the curtain to the stall Bucky had disappeared into and waited.

When the curtain was pulled aside, she let out a quiet gasp. She couldn’t help herself. He had a dark burgundy shirt on, with a few buttons loose at the top, not showing too much chest that it looked tacky, but just enough for the base of his throat to show. He had a pair of dark grey dress pants on that looked like they were made for him, fitting perfectly around his hips and muscular legs without looking too tight. The shirt was tucked into the waistband of the pants and the contour of his flat abdomen was visible behind it. Her throat felt like she had swallowed sand and her heart tried to punch its way out through her chest.

“What? Do I look weird?” he said looking awkwardly at her staring face. He looked self-conscious and the unsure question snapped Maddie out of her ogling. 

“No!” she blurted out, “You look great, really. The clothes look like they were made for you.”

He relaxed a bit and looked at himself in the mirror. He smoothed the shirt down his chest, and Maddie caught herself wishing that she could do that too. Before her brain went totally down the gutter, the store clerk came back. 

“Wow, the clothes really suit your body shape. And the colour looks good. Try it with the vest that matches the pants.” He said and held the vest in question out to Bucky who took it and pulled it on. The clerk stepped forward and helped him with the buttons, which Maddie thought was a little bit unnecessary, Bucky was fully capable of buttoning his own clothes, but she couldn’t blame the man for not being able to keep his hands away. 

When Bucky scrutinized himself in the mirror with a small wrinkle between his eyebrows, Maddie understood exactly what he thought. This wasn’t him, it was too much. When he looked at her with a question in his eyes, she shook her head with a small smile, and he returned it, looking relieved. He then turned to the clerk and said, “I don’t think that the vest is for me, so I’ll just take the shirt and pants. Can you also show me some belts and shoes that would look good with the clothes?”

\-------------------------------

When they left the store, Bucky had a whole outfit that he felt comfortable in, but that he also thought he looked good in. Based on the look on Maddie’s face, she thought so too. This made him happy in a way he wasn’t used to. 

“Hey, do you want to come with me to look at a dress for me now that you are all set for judgement day?” she asked him as they walked down the street. 

“Sure.” he said and followed her into another store with a lot more clothes in flowing materials with colours and glitter. Seen as “women’s” clothing. Which Maddie had made clear that she thought was ridiculous and limiting. Bucky agreed with her that people were too hung up on what people could and couldn’t wear or do. Even if he came from a time when everything was even more limited, he had been through enough to see life in a different light. Clothes, sexual orientation or skin colour shouldn’t matter. 

He was lost in thought and didn’t realise that he had stopped and was staring out over the store, not moving. Maddie grabbed his arm and pulled him along, “Come on, don’t be afraid!” she joked.

“I’m not, I was just lost in thought!” he countered, not wanting her to think he was narrow minded. 

“I know, I’m kidding.” She said and smiled up at him.

They walked around the store and she picked out a few dresses, skirts and blouses before they headed to the changing rooms. She stepped inside and Bucky sat down outside, waiting. She almost felt shy, taking her clothes off so close to him, even if he couldn’t see her. 

The first dress she tried on was not flattering. It was tight in the wrong places and loose in others. She hated trying on clothes and always felt bad about herself when she did. It was difficult to find things that fit her shape well since her sizes were different on the top and bottom. She pulled the dress off and hung it on the hanger again, then tried the next one on. This one looked better and she pulled the curtain away and showed Bucky the result. 

“I don’t know about this one, what do you think?” she asked him before he could say anything.

“I think it looks good, but maybe the colour isn’t really… you?” he said, frowning.

“I agree, it’s boring!” she said and went back in.

She tried on a few other choices but wasn’t really feeling any of them. She sighed and poked her head out around the curtain, but Bucky had disappeared. She looked around but couldn’t see him, so she decided to change into her own clothes again. Before she could pull her own clothes on though, there was a knock on the booth wall.

“Maddie? I found a dress that I think you should try on.” Bucky said as he stood outside again.

She looked out at what he was holding, a red knee length dress with a flowy skirt and a v neckline. On the skirt there were small glittering silver details, and it was love at first sight. The shape of the dress was one that usually worked well for her, and she felt the hope build inside her. 

When she reached out to take the dress from him, he accidentally got a glance of her white lace bra and blushed furiously. She didn’t notice though, since her attention was on the dress. He sat down again, trying to recover, while she closed the curtain again and pulled the dress on slowly, not wanting to find out that it didn’t fit. 

A smile broke out across her face when she looked at herself in the mirror, the dress was so pretty. The zip was however on the back, and she couldn’t reach it. She tried for a while before giving up and looking out at Bucky again.

“Umm, Bucky?” she said.

He looked up from his phone, and surprise mixed with something else in his eyes when he saw her, “Yes?” he answered.

“Can you help me with something?”

“Of course! With what?” he said and stood up, putting his phone away in his pocket again. 

“I… uh… can’t reach the zipper…” she said awkwardly and pointed over her shoulder.

The blush crept up his neck again, and he was thankful for his long hair and short beard that hid it to some extent. “Oh, right.” He said, standing there nonplussed. 

She glanced at him before she opened the curtain a bit more and turned her back to him.

He took a deep breath and stepped forward into the changing room and looked at her back. It was pale and looked soft. She had some freckles on her neck and shoulders and he had the urge to touch them. He steeled himself and carefully reached out for the small zipper at the base of her spine. He pulled it up slowly, not wanting it to catch on anything, and when he reached her neck, he brushed her hair to the side so it wouldn’t get stuck before he finished his task. She was warm, and when he brushed his hand along her skin, he saw small goose bumps forming. 

“Sorry…” he murmured and took a step back.

“Oh, it’s fine” she said as she turned around to face him, feeling flushed from the delicate touch he mastered so well even with one hand made of metal and clad in a leather glove. She let out a breath to steady herself before she looked in the mirror.

The dress fit her perfectly. It was comfortable and she felt good in it. She let her hands slide along her sides (To Bucky’s great envy) and made him jump when she suddenly cried out, “It has pockets!” and almost bounced with excitement. “Pockets on skirts are the best!”

He laughed at her apparent joy over this fact, and she smiled a bright smile at him, warming him up to his core.


	16. Shopping and pampering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They do some self care!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on a roll! A lot of words have been written these past days. Please don't get tired of me! haha

Maddie noticed the employees’ glances in their direction when they went around in the store. They were throwing longing looks at Bucky, and less friendly looks at her. She saw them whispering behind the counter several times and couldn’t help but feeling like they were talking about them. 

When she came up to the counter to pay her dress, Bucky went over to a wall of accessories and studied some jewellery while she paid. The woman behind the desk looked from Maddie to Bucky, and then back to Maddie again. She smiled a fake smile and said, “are you sure this is your size? Maybe you should try a larger one?” then eying her from the top down, her eyes clearly showing the contempt that could be heard in her voice. “Or are you perhaps trying to get in shape and want to inspire yourself with this dress as a goal?” she smirked.

Maddie was shaken. What was this person insinuating? That she was fat? The words struck a spot deep within her and she felt the anger and humiliation flare up inside her.

“No, it’s perfect actually, thank you for asking.” She said shortly. 

The woman just looked at her and then told her the price. She paid and received the bag and receipt, then walked over to Bucky and said that she would just go to the bathroom and that she would be ready to leave soon. He nodded and looked concerned but continued to look around while she walked towards the customer toilets.   
She locked the door behind her and took a few deep breaths. Tears stung her eyes and she was so angry that this person, who didn’t even know her, could make her feel bad. She thought about all the people around her that loved her, and about how many good qualities she had. Then she took a few moments to collect herself before she decided that one mean woman wouldn’t get to define her. She was a good person, and she was not going to be pushed down. 

When she came back out to the store, she saw that the woman had gone over to Bucky and was talking to him, obviously trying to flirt. She laughed and whipped her hair over her shoulder and put her hand on his arm. Maddie had stopped behind a corner and was watching them. Bucky stepped back from the woman’s touch and her face turned sour. Maddie heard him say something to the woman before he turned around looking at her. 

“Ready to go?” he said when he met her eyes.

She stumbled out from her hiding place and went over to him. “Um, yes, sure” she answered.

He slid his arm around her and shot the saleswoman a smile saying, “Thank you for your help, goodbye.” And then tugging Maddie along, leaving the woman behind looking baffled.

“What was that all about?” she asked him, glancing around at the store.

“Well, I heard what she said to you, and she was rude, and wrong. Then she had the audacity to try and flirt with me, so I mentioned that she should work on her customer service if she wanted to keep her customers. Then I told her to stop touching people she doesn’t know and that I wasn’t interested in her. And now we’re here.” He said, shrugging. 

“Wow.” Was the only thing she could say. This was sort of funny, the woman’s facial expression was priceless. Maddie usually didn’t indulge in negative talk about other people, but she didn’t feel like being nice to that woman just now. Bucky had already pulled his arm away again, and they were walking side by side when she stopped at a hair salon with a flag outside that said “Drop in”.

“Hey, should we go inside and get hair cuts?” She suddenly asked him, putting her hand out to stop him, accidentally pushing his stomach instead of the forearm she had aimed at. “I know it’s been too long since the last time I did.” 

He looked down at the small hand on his stomach, and then up to her eyes before answering, “Sure, it was a long time ago for me too.”

She noticed where her hand was and quickly tucked it into her pocket instead, pretending like it hadn’t happened. They stepped inside the salon and the two women working were busy with clients but told them to sit down for a little while and wait. She looked at her phone for a bit, and he read a magazine about celebrities.

An hour later when they stepped out on the street again, they both had freshly cut hair, even if it was only a small trim off the ends. Bucky had also gotten his beard trimmed and he looked even better than before. Something Maddie didn’t think was even possible. They were ready to go home but decided to pick up some Chinese food on the way so they wouldn’t have to cook tonight.

\--------------------------------

When they had eaten their dinner and Maddie sat curled up on the couch while Bucky made them a cup of tea, she got an idea. 

“Hey, Bucky! Now that we have been pampering ourselves with haircuts and new clothes, we should do face masks and manicures tonight!” She called to him, hoping that he wouldn’t feel intimidated by it. Her ex-boyfriend/roommate always refused to do it since he said it was “gay” or “unnecessary”. 

She heard the cups clinking and water being poured, then he came into the living room again and handed her mug to her. “Sure, that sounds nice” he said. 

“Yay!” she exclaimed and put her tea on the table and jumped up only to disappear into her room. She came back with a lot of things, like nail files, hand creams, different tubes and bottles. 

After she had put it all down and taken a sip of tea, she thought for a bit about in which order they would go about it. “Hold on.” She said and disappeared again. Bucky heard running water in her bathroom and then she came back with her hair pulled up in a ponytail, and her face freshly washed. She took a small tube and a brush and quickly painted a thin layer of face mask onto her face, then she turned to Bucky.

“Ok, now I have my mask on, can I do yours too?” she asked.

“Of course, if you want to. I’m sure I can manage though if you don’t.” he answered her sounding hesitant. 

“No, I want to, you can just relax and enjoy!” she said and smiled a reassuring smile.

She got a bowl of warm water from the kitchen and told him to lay his head down on the back of the couch so she could stand behind it. He did as he was told, and she combed her fingers through his hair to collect it in a loose ponytail to keep it away from his face. He shut his eyes and enjoyed the feeling of being taken care of.

She took a sponge and dipped it into the warm water and wiped his face with it in smooth motions. Then she took some face wash and carefully massaged it into his face before she wiped it off with the sponge. He had almost flawless skin even when she looked at it this closely. He had small creases in the corners of his eyes, and they showed especially when he smiled. His lips were full, and his nose was straight. She took her chance to really look at him now that he had his eyes closed and she felt the flutter in her stomach that she knew she shouldn’t. 

She took the tube of face mask and put some on the brush. She then started to methodically coat his face in it with soft strokes. When she was done she whispered to him that she was done, and he opened his eyes and looked dazed. 

“That felt fantastic” he murmured before raising his head again to look at her, now sitting beside him on the couch again. 

“I’m glad you thought so!” she said happily, continuing with, “so, let’s do the hands, or hand in your case, I guess. Put it in this bowl please,” and put another bowl of warm water in front of him. 

He did as she said and sat with his hand in it for little while before she came to sit in front of him on the floor and put a towel in his lap. “Put your hand on the towel here, and just relax” she said and then took his hand.

She gently filed his nails and pushed his cuticles down, removing the excess skin, and then took out yet another tube with an exfoliant that she massaged onto his hand, and then his forearm. When she was done, she took another sponge and dipped it in the water and wiped his arm and hand with it. Then she took a hand cream and did the same thing with that as she had done before. She massaged his hand thoroughly and continued up his arm. She might have done some more massaging than necessary but touching him was so nice.

When she glanced up at him as she was done, she noticed that he was watching her. She could see a soft look in his eyes, almost like fondness. And her heart made a little flop. 

“So, what do you think? Does it feel ok?” she asked, her voice a bit shaky.

“It felt a lot more than ok, it was probably the best thing that has happened to me in a long time,” he chuckled. 

“Oh, that’s… good” she smiled back at him. 

He opened his mouth as if to say something but then shut it again.

“What?” Maddie asked.

“It’s stupid… nothing really…” he started to say but when he saw the no-bullshit look in her eyes, he continued. “Fine, ok, I was going to ask if you could do the massage on my other arm too. I know it’s stupid. I mean it’s metal. But sometimes I have a sensation that it is separate from the rest of my body, like an alien limb that shouldn’t be there, and sensing touch on it can make it feel more, like… me, I guess” he said looking down on the carpet.

“I get that, I sometimes feel disconnected from my whole body, and touch is really calming for me then too” she said and took his metal hand in hers and gave it the same treatment as the other.

When she was done, she stood up again and ordered him to put his head back again so she could remove the face mask. He willingly followed her directions as she removed it and massaged a facial cream into his clean skin afterwards. 

He sighed, “I feel so relaxed and tired right now, I could fall asleep on the spot” he said.

She let out a chuckle and said “Go to bed, I’ll clean this up in the morning. I’m quite tired too.”

He stood up and they both walked down the hall to their bedroom doors. “Well, good night then,” he said to her with a gentle smile.

“Sleep tight,” she said and before she could think, she stood on her tip toes and gave him a small kiss on the cheek. Then she slipped into her room and smiled at him as she shut the door.

He stood there for a second, a hand on his cheek, thinking that this might have been the best day ever.


	17. Christmas dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The christmas with family is here!

During the following week Maddie had been decorating the apartment with twinkling lights and a Christmas tree. She had skipped the mistletoe on purpose, they didn’t need that stress too. When she went on Christmas break a few days before Christmas she started making different sorts of candy and Christmas cookies while listening to Christmas songs. She was a huge lover of the holiday and Bucky was just pulled along into it, enjoying having her at home and watching her dancing around.

On Friday they were getting ready to go over to Maddie’s family. They were both preparing in their separate rooms and both were as nervous about the coming evening. Bucky was just pulling on his shirt when there was a knock on his door. He called for her to come in at the same time as he turned to the door. 

“Oh, S-sorry” she said and blushed as her gaze was drawn to his torso that wasn’t yet covered by his unbuttoned shirt. 

He liked seeing her blush and decided not to button his shirt just yet. He was usually a bit self-conscious about people seeing him without clothes, but she seemed to like looking at him, so he didn’t mind that much. 

“Can you help me with the zipper again?” she asked and tried not to stare at him, but he saw that her glance kept being drawn to him anyways. 

“Yes, of course.” He said and stepped closer to her. She watched him doing it, like a deer in headlights, and turned around quickly when she realized that she was staring. 

He pulled the zipper up, careful not to get it stuck. Maybe doing it a bit slower than necessary this time too. He thought he heard her take a shaky breath before he pulled her hair back onto her back and stepped away again.

“Done!” he said.

She turned around to face him again and watched as he started to button up his shirt. “Thank you,” she said and smiled.

“You’re welcome,” he said, then continued, “You look beautiful”.

The blush returned. “You too.” she said shyly.

\-----------------------------------

They drove to her mother’s house about an hour away, both silent for a long time. It had started to snow, and Maddie was focusing on driving safely.

She broke the silence after a while with a question. ”Are you nervous?” she asked.

“Yes,” he answered honestly.

She was too. For many reasons. She was nervous about Bucky meeting her family of course, but also about herself meeting her family. They loved her, she knew that, but sometimes they would come with unwanted advice or comments about her hair, her body, her life, and things like that, which only made her feel ugly or like a failure. She was also nervous about both things combined. Like if her family made comments that Bucky heard and realised he agreed with them.

“It’ll be ok. I think.” She said, not really feeling that confident. 

“Will you tell me a little bit about the people we are about to meet?” he asked her.

“Sure. There will be my mother Anna, and her husband Bernard. He is not my dad, but he is ok. Then there is my brother Fred who is a few years older than me and his wife Ava and their kids Charlie and Annie. My aunt Sarah will also be there with her husband Clark and their daughter Sandra who is about my age. That’s it basically.” She answered him.

He thought for a while before he answered, “Ok, that’s good to know. Just so I have a little background info. Have you told them anything about me?”

“I’ve only told them that you are James, my roommate that doesn’t have family close by and therefore no one to celebrate with. I haven’t said anything else about you though, I figured that you might be able to answer their questions better yourself.”

He laughed quietly, “well, that will be interesting!” he said.

“Sure will.” She laughed with him.

They pulled up on the driveway a bit later and Bucky checked that his thin black glove was covering his metal hand before getting out. Maddie smoothed her dress down and took the bag of gifts out from the back seat before they walked up to the door and rang the bell.

A short woman with brown hair and rosy cheeks opened the door and immediately pulled Maddie into a hug saying, “Honey! I’ve missed you!” and then pulling away to look at Bucky. She held her hand out to shake and when he took it, she said “Hi, James was it? I’m Anna. Welcome to our home!”. 

She stepped inside and gestured for them to come in. “Everyone is here already, they’re in the living room. They will be so happy to see you!”. Then she whirled off in the direction of the kitchen, leaving them to remove their outside clothes and get a second to breathe.

Maddie leaned closer to Bucky and whispered in his ear, “Ok, one down, eight to go.” 

He chuckled and followed her into the living room. Steeling himself to meet the eight pair of eyes that was going to stare curiously at him very soon. 

The family had been very well behaved towards Bucky. He had greeted all of them with a handshake and a smile, introducing himself as James. They had looked dazzled, and Maddie understood exactly what it felt like being exposed to that handsome smiling face. Then they had made small talk asking him about what he did for work and where he was from. He answered everything smoothly, and with as much truth he could without disclosing his identity. 

Maddie got questions about her work too, and some about her training and the apartment, and she told them as much as she felt comfortable with. They were a little apprehensive about her training. They thought it was “unnecessary violent”. She tried to explain that it was self-defence and something every woman should know but they dismissed it by saying that she had a strong man to rely on right beside her. She didn’t like that. Of course, he could protect her if he was there, but she didn’t want to rely on him, or anyone else, to save her like a helpless lady in need.

Before she could say anything though, Bucky spoke. “She doesn’t need me or anyone else to protect her. And if you always rely on someone else to save you, you can never feel safe when you are alone.”

Maddie felt the familiar warmth spread in her chest at the words, and she took his hand out of sight from the others and squeezed it. The rest of the group quickly changed the subject, a bit perplexed about the newcomer disagreeing with them, but not hostile.

\------------------------------------

They had been through subjects like politics, movies, music, food and a lot more when Anna called everyone to the table for the big dinner. They enjoyed the large amounts of food that she had worked on preparing and they were soon so full that they couldn’t eat anymore. Well, Bucky could have eaten more, but wanted to keep up the appearances of being a normal human. They had a good time, and both Maddie and Bucky were enjoying themselves, relieved that it wasn’t as awkward as they had feared.

“So, Maddie! Are you together with his one?” her aunt’s husband Clark suddenly asked. He had had a few glasses of wine and was clearly starting to get drunk. Some of the other adults around the table showed the same behaviour too but Maddie, and Bucky, were sober since they were going to drive back home later. 

“Umm, no? As I said, we are roommates.” She said, feeling the irritation bubble inside her. 

“Riiiight!” he slurred, then adding, “What happened to that guy from before? James was it? He was a fine man. You should have held on to him”.

Maddie didn’t even bother to correct Jared’s name. “He was a manipulative ass” she said and shot a hard glance at Clark.

“Whoa, easy there. Don’t go feminazi on us now honey!” he barked out while laughing. 

The others around the table started to squirm uncomfortable with the way this was going. Sarah elbowed her husband in the ribs and told him to stop talking, but he was now so drunk that he didn’t notice. 

Maddie was angry now, and just started to tell him off when her mother interrupted by saying, “Maddie sweetie, don’t be like that. He doesn’t mean to hurt you; he just wants you to be happy and with a good man”. 

“Right, and I need to excuse him because I’m a good woman” she muttered silently. Bucky heard her and let out a short laugh that he tried to mask with a cough. Maddie looked at him and when their eyes met, she rolled hers and he smiled at her. They communicated without words that the drunk on the other side of the table was a bit of an idiot.

When they had eaten dessert, had some coffee, and some of them more alcohol, Maddie and Bucky started to talk about getting home. It was already dark, and pretty late. The presents were forgotten, and Maddie had no plan to start something now, they would find them in the morning. When they looked out, however, they noticed the ongoing snowstorm that they had missed while preoccupied with dinner and arguments. 

“For fuck’s sake” Maddie said, surprising Bucky with the choice of words. Then asking, “do you think we can drive in this weather?”.

“We could, but we shouldn’t. Is there a motel or something nearby?” he said.

“I’m not sure, not close enough at least.” She sighed.

“You can stay here! We have room!” Her mother called out excitedly.

Maddie took a deep breath, and looked at Bucky, then at the rest of the people around them. Bucky could see the question in her eyes and nodded at her. “Fine.” She said.

“How wonderful!” her mother cried out and clasped her hands together. “You can sleep in the office, there’s a couch in there that can be turned into a bed. I’ll go and get blankets and pillows.” She said before she disappeared up the stairs.

Sighing, Maddie looked at the place where her mother had disappeared. She was tired and wondered if it was ok to go to bed now. She decided that no one would really notice if she disappeared, they were busy having drunken discussions. 

“I think I’ll go to bed now. Do you want to stay here, or do you want to escape with me?” she whispered to Bucky.

“Please take me with you” he whispered back.

She stood up and said good night to the group and got a few answering good night wishes before the conversations continued. She led the way up the stairs with Bucky close behind her and went into the office where her mother was preparing the sofa bed while humming a Christmas song. Maddie just then realised something and got a bad feeling about it.  
“Mom, don’t you have an air mattress or something else for one of us to sleep on?” she asked.

Her mom turned around to look at them, “no honey, sorry, but everything is already occupied by the others.” She said, not looking sorry at all. “You’ll be fine, you know each other!” she continued. She then said good night to them both and left them there, awkwardly looking at the bed.

“Uh, are you ok with this?” Maddie asked and gestured towards the bed.

“I can sleep on the floor if you want me to?” he said, not answering her question.

She shook her head violently, “No! you don’t have to sleep on the floor, you are more of a guest here than me. If anyone should sleep on the floor, it would be me.”

“How about this. We both sleep in the bed? As she said, we do know each other, and the bed isn’t that small.” He said, secretly hoping that she would agree to it.

“I guess that would work, if you’re ok with it.” she answered, secretly feeling excited about it.

They had each gotten a toothbrush and a towel and took turns in the bathroom to make themselves ready for bed. Maddie was done first and quickly undressed when Bucky was in the other room. She had borrowed a large t-shirt from Bernard to sleep in and felt relieved when she was out of the dress and bra and lay down on the bed pulling the blanket up to her chin. 

When Bucky came out from the bathroom and into their shared room, he saw that she was already in bed looking at her phone. “Is it ok if I turn the light off now?” he asked and when he got a nod from her, he flipped the switch and the room went dark. The light outside on the street was illuminating the room a little though, just enough for her to see the shape of him as he pulled his clothes off. He was quick, and she only got a short glance of him before he joined her in the bed. 

They lay silent in the dark, both feeling the closeness to each other. This wasn’t something they were used to, and it felt strange, but not bad. 

“Thank you for coming with me here. I’m sorry for the craziness.” She whispered.

“Thank you for letting me come with you. And what’s a family dinner without some conflict? You held your own very well out there.” He whispered back.

“Thanks, Good night Bucky.”

“Good night Maddie.”


	18. Sorrow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They eat breakfast and take a walk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter isn't that long, and maybe not my best work, so I might edit it a little (just a little, no difference in plot) later. I still wanted to post it though because I want to continue on with the story after it. It mentions death, just to warn anyone who might feel uncomfortable with that.
> 
> So, Maddie is written based on myself (because that makes it easier, not having to come up with a new personality, right?) and a lot of her is me. Her family isn't however. My own family is supporting and very nice to hang out with, not at all intrusive, drunk and idiotic! :P The only thing that is completely true, down to the last word, is the part about Maddie's dad. It was difficult to write, but everything she says and thinks is stuff that I have said and thought myself, so just bear with me in those ramblings. 
> 
> I will see you soon with another chapter!

Maddie woke up quite early that morning. She was curled up into a ball at the far end of the bed. Bucky was sprawled out on his back with one of his arms hanging out over the edge. She snickered quietly. If this had been a rom-com movie, they would be in each other’s arms when they woke up, but to her dismay, they had been keeping to their separate sides for the night. He looked serene and calm, and she liked seeing him like this. He looked younger than he was, and the hard life he had had wasn’t as apparent. 

She tried to sneak away to go to the bathroom but Bucky woke up when the rickety bed moved. He saw her crawling carefully towards the edge and couldn’t keep the humour out of his voice when he said good morning with a raspy voice. She froze at the sound and turned to look at him. 

“Oh. Sorry for waking you, I was trying to be as quiet as possible.” she said, feeling awkward. 

“It’s ok, it’s not the worst wake up I’ve had.” He said and smiled, clearly amused.

She made a face, and said, “Well, you better prepare, because the breakfast we will eat soon might be the worst.” Then crawled out of bed and disappeared, giving Bucky some time to wake up properly. 

He didn’t know what to expect from her family this morning, but he knew that he liked some of them more than others. Her mother seemed sweet but intense, and her brother was a bit snobby but at least he had something in that head of his, and his wife and kids seemed nice enough. Bernard was quiet most of the time, but he was always listening to everyone else speaking. Bucky liked Bernard, he reminded him of himself in some ways. The aunt was ok, but her husband was obviously a tool. Their daughter hadn’t said much either. She had looked intensely at Bucky a lot during the previous evening, and it made him uncomfortable. He had enjoyed himself during the evening though, if you didn’t count the arguments. 

\------------------------------

When they came downstairs for breakfast everyone except the kids were there already. Anna was making pancakes for everyone and Clark looked hungover. They sat down and were immediately provided with food. 

“What are you two up to today?” Anna asked them cheerily. 

Maddie chewed her bite thoughtfully. They weren’t in a hurry so they could do something fun before going home, she wasn’t sure what though. Then she remembered the presents that were forgotten the previous day.

“Oh! I forgot yesterday! We brought some Christmas presents over yesterday, but I forgot them.” She said and jumped up from her chair to go and get them. 

She handed the presents out to the people around the table and they opened the small boxes with homemade knitted socks and candy. They all thanked them and both Maddie and Bucky got presents too, gift cards to clothing stores, some books, and kitchen tools. When the gift exchanges and thanks were over, they ate their breakfast and then helped Anna clean up the kitchen. 

They decided to go for a walk in the nice weather outside before they left. The sun was shining, and the snow was still covering the ground. While they walked, Maddie pointed to places where she used to hang out when she was young and Bucky could picture her as a small girl, running around and playing. 

After a while of walking and talking, they walked past a church and fields full of tombstones surrounded by neatly trimmed hedges and trees. Maddie stopped. 

“I think it’s time you get to meet someone else important to me.” She said and walked through a gate leading them into the cemetery. Bucky followed quietly, he could guess where they were going.

They arrived at a grey stone with a rose carved into one side of it. The stone said “Eric Johnson. 1965-2005. We miss you.”

Maddie stood quiet for a while before she said, “Dad, this is Bucky. Bucky, this is dad.” She smiled at the absurdity of presenting someone to a stone, but the smile was full of grief. 

This was what Bucky had guessed, but he still wasn’t prepared for the pain he felt at the sight of Maddie’s sorrow. He didn’t know what to say, so he just took her hand and squeezed it gently.

Maddie kept talking instead. “He died when I was fifteen. So, it’s almost 15 years ago now, but I still miss him so much. Soon I will have lived half of my life without him, and in 10 years I will be older than him” She said.

“How did he die?” Bucky asked. He had gathered earlier that her father was dead but had no idea if it was to an illness or an accident or something else.

“He came home one day after work and just fell down on the floor. He took my hand and said my name while my mother called an ambulance, but he let go when the pain was too much, and that’s the last thing he said to me. It was such a massive heart attack that his heart stopped a few times. First on the floor at home, but it was restarted, and then it stopped one more time on the way to the hospital. Only this time it didn’t want to start again.” Her tears were flowing in streams down her face now, and her voice was thin and cracking, but she continued, “He was only 39 years old, and had never had any heart trouble before. It was so quick and unexpected, and we never got the chance to say goodbye.” 

A sob broke out of her, sounding pained and strangled. She covered her mouth with a shaking hand and tried to stop the violent crying. She missed her dad so much, and even if a long time had passed, she was still heartbroken when she thought of everything he had missed, and that she didn’t get to share with him. 

Arms wrapped around her, and she held on tight to the person that had become so dear to her. They stood like that for a long time until her sobs went silent and her tears dried. 

“I’m sorry.” She murmured into his chest.

“No, don’t apologize. Thank you for telling me. It means a lot.” He said, pushing her away just enough for him to look down on her face. “What was he like?” he asked, wanting her to tell him about some good memories too. 

She smiled up at him, “He was a genius when it came to building cars, or anything with an engine really. He was often in the garage tinkering with something. He had a dry sense of humour but was really funny. I’m a lot like him. He was creative, both in writing and in drawing, sewing, and building things. I remember thinking that he could do anything. He even built a small moped for me when I was about 5 years old, and loved riding around on it, but it looked ridiculous when a grown man did it!” she said and laughed. It was a small and shaking laugh, but it was still a genuine laugh. 

“He wasn’t perfect of course. He had a temper, but would never hurt anyone, he just swore a lot. I do that too sometimes. He also battled with anxiety and depression, so I guess that it goes in the family. He was… human.” She continued.

“He sounds like a good man, I’m sorry that I never got to meet him.” Bucky said quietly into her hair. 

Maddie didn’t say anything else for a while. She just stood there feeling the tension leave her, only leaving a faint trace of sorrow behind. It had felt good to talk with Bucky about her dad. Sometimes it was nice talking to someone who didn’t know him, to get the chance to share memories and have a reason to talk about him and remember things. Her family talked about him, but most in passing when something came up or reminded them of something he said or did, not really going through who he was or what he was like. Telling someone about him was a way to remember and to keep the memory alive. 

They broke the hug, and Maddie patted the stone one last time and whispered, “Bye dad, I love you.” Before she turned to Bucky again. “I want to go home now, how about you?”

He held out his hand to her and answered, “That sounds good. Let’s go home.”

She took it and they left the cemetery hand in hand.


	19. Girl's night out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maddie is going out with her friend Alice. Bucky is at home, worrying like a mother hen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter mentions assault, just so you are prepared!

After saying goodbye to her family, Maddie and Bucky left the house and started the drive home. They stopped for lunch at a small roadside restaurant along the way, and arrived home in the early afternoon. Maddie went to take a shower, happy to be in her own home again even if they had only been away for one night. 

When she came out into the living room afterwards, Bucky was nowhere to be seen, but she could hear running water from his bathroom. She sat down on the couch and enjoyed the silence for a few minutes before she picked up her phone. She had been texting with Alice during the holidays and they had decided to go out for drinks after Christmas since they hadn’t seen each other in so long. 

“Hey! So, when are we going out?” Maddie wrote.

Her phone pinged after only a minute with an answer. “Tonight? Or are you barely hanging on to life after the Christmas celebrations? :P”

She thought about it, trying to determine if she had the energy, and decided that she did. They didn’t have to be out that late or drink a lot. “Yes, sounds good! 😊 Around six? Dinner somewhere first?”

“Yes! I’ll swing by your place then! :D” Alice answered. 

Maddie smiled, she missed her friend and was happy to finally have some quality time with her. She went into her room again trying to come up with a nice outfit for the night. Even if she wasn’t interested in any attention from other people, she liked to dress up and put on some make up once in a while. 

She decided on a pair of black jeans and a dark green lacy top. She would have a pair of black boots and her leather jacket with it, it would look cool. She pulled out her hair dryer and a brush and started to fix her hair. she put on a light make up without anything special before she studied herself in the mirror. Happy with the result, she left her room and went out to the living room again. Bucky was there now, his hair still damp, on the couch reading a book.

“Wow. Are you going anywhere?” he said, stunned.

She blushed and said, “I’m going out with Alice tonight, we figured it would be the best day since it’s Saturday and all.”

“Oh, right! Where are you headed?” he said, putting his book away to give her full attention.

“We’re going to grab something to eat first, and then probably go around to some clubs or bars to see what’s happening.” She said, grabbing a purse and putting her keys, wallet and phone in it.

“That sounds nice.” He said and smiled at her. “You look good, edgy and cool.” He continued. “Please be careful. I know you can take care of yourself, but there’s a lot of lunatics out there. Call me if you need anything”

“I promise. I won’t be too late though.” She answered him, the smile bright on her face. She was happy that he cared enough to be worried even if he didn’t have to be.

She looked at the clock on the wall, and still had about 15 minutes before Alice would arrive. That’s when she realised that she hadn’t given Bucky his Christmas present yet. She went over to her bookshelf and dug around in a box full of cables and electronics, coming up with a small box wrapped in glittering paper. 

“This is for you.” She said cheerily and went over to sit next to him while he took the gift and opened it. 

His hand was shaking a little. He was so happy about this gift that he couldn’t put it into words. No one had gotten him a gift for so long, except the arm he got in Wakanda, but that was a present out of necessity, not for the sake of making him happy. When he opened the small box, he picked up a key chain with a little house on it with a sign saying, “Home sweet home”. He chuckled, it was so simple, but still made him so happy. This was her way of saying that he had a home here with her, and it was probably the most meaningful thing he owned. 

“Maddie, this is… this is… Thank you.” He said, stumbling on his own words.

“It wasn’t your only gift. I made these for you too.” She said and gave him a pair of knitted socks, like the ones she had given to her family. “It can get pretty cold here in the winter, and you don’t really have a lot of stuff, so I guessed that you don’t have any of these.” 

“True, I don’t.” he said and pulled them onto his feet. They fit perfectly. “How did you know my size? Have you been measuring my feet when I was sleeping?” he joked. However, her silence and apologetic smile told him that he was spot on.

“Sorry, but I wanted them to fit, so I just compared them to your feet while you were sleeping on the couch.”

“I should have known, you ARE weird!” he said, winking at her and laughing. Clearly signalling that he was teasing her. 

“Hey! Like you are so normal!” she said and shoved him while joining his laughter. 

“Ok, ok, sorry! But now it’s time for you to open your present.” He said, holding his hands up in surrender.

He stood up and went into his room only to appear moments later with a small box in his hand. It wasn’t wrapped, only had a bow on top. He gave it to her, and she untied the bow and let out a high-pitched squeal when she saw what was inside. 

“Oooh! I love it!” she practically screamed and hugged him. Then the doorbell interrupted them. 

\-------------------------------------

Alice and Maddie decided on a small Italian place for their dinner and were chatting over some nice food and a glass of wine. Alice had been curious about living with Bucky and about their relationship. Maddie tried to explain that they were just friends, but Alice didn’t believe her.

“Right, because that is something you give to a friend?” She said and pointed her fork to the necklace Maddie was now wearing.

Maddie touched the small silver pendant with her fingers and smiled. It was a small round plate with the word “Badass” on it. She loved it. Bucky said that he had thought of her when he saw it and it made her truly happy that he thought she was a badass. 

“Ok, I… don’t know what’s going on between us. I like him, but I don’t think he would be interested in someone like me. He’s not exactly in my league.” She said sighing. 

“But he looks interested!” Alice pushed on.

Maddie had thought that too, but he had said that he wanted to be friends with her. Nothing else. And he hadn’t tried anything either.

“I don’t think he is interested in that way. From what I’ve gathered, he has been very lonely for a very long time. Our friendship is important to him, and I don’t want to ruin it.” She said.

“I still don’t believe that friendship is the only thing that’s there.” Alice said. 

Maddie smiled, her friend was always so positive and stubborn. Suddenly, something caught her eye outside the window. She recognized the head that was disappearing down the sidewalk, away from the restaurant. Jared hadn’t seemed to notice her, thank god, she did not want to deal with a crazy ex tonight. She soon forgot about seeing him and focused on enjoying the evening with Alice. An ominous feeling was still there though, like a faint hum somewhere deep inside.

After dinner they went to a bar to catch a few drinks. Maddie wasn’t a big drinker, so she took it slow. Alice had a few more glasses than her though, and was starting to get into the high spirit that drunk people often found themselves in. She wanted to go dancing so they left the bar and went to a club instead. The music thundering from the speakers was mostly electronic, and Maddie didn’t like the high sounds and the sea of people. But she liked to dance with her friend, so she tried to not let it bother her. 

They danced for what felt like hours, until their feet hurt, and they were sweating. They went to sit by the bar and catch their breath while ordering something to drink. A guy came over and started to talk to Alice. She flirted with him and they were soon engulfed in their own conversation leaving Maddie to her own thoughts. 

She looked around at all the people around them. Some very drunk, and some sitting around talking. She felt a little bit like she was in another world than them, she didn’t fit in. sometimes she felt like she didn’t fit in anywhere. Her head felt light, and she knew she would feel drunk if she continued to drink. She didn’t want to be hungover tomorrow, so she asked the bartender for a glass of water instead of more alcohol. 

When Alice came up for air some time later, she dragged Maddie to the bathroom and into a stall with her. She was peeing at the same time as she giggled and told Maddie about how wonderful the guy, Chris, was. This wasn’t the first time Alice had found a guy she wanted to go home with when they were out, so Maddie went straight to the point.

“You want to go home with him, right?”

Alice looked apologetic, “Yees, I want to! Would you be sad if I did? You didn’t want to be out that late anyways, right?” she said.

“It’s fine, I am a bit tired actually. But I won’t let you go anywhere with a strange man just like that.” Maddie told her.

They made their way back to Chris, and Maddie took her phone and snapped a picture of him and Alice together, then asked to see his ID. He showed her hesitantly, looking like he had just met a crazy person. 

“I now have your picture, and have seen your ID. If you do anything to her, I’ll go to the police and they will make your life miserable. Ok?” she said, looking him straight in the eye.

“Y-yes, of course I wouldn’t hurt her!” he said quickly.

“Good. Text me later, so I know you’re ok Alice” Maddie said before they left her the club and waved down a cab.

Maddie drained her glass of water and left too. She decided to walk home since it was only a few blocks and the streets were quite lively. It should be fine. Despite that, she walked quickly, not entirely comfortable being alone in the dark. She thought she heard footsteps behind her but when she turned around there was no one there. 

There were a few people on the other side of the street, but they didn’t notice her being pulled into a dark side alley.


	20. Closer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We get to know what happened with Maddie on her night out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! So, this is a longer one, and the last chapter before work starts again tomorrow. Updates will be less frequent now, but I won't forget this little story, so just have patience! :) 
> 
> Also, this chapter mentions an assault too, just so you know.

Bucky was snoozing on the couch waiting for Maddie to get home when he was jolted awake by his phone ringing. He had told Maddie to call if she needed him, and now he almost dropped the phone in his hurry to pick it up. He had a bad feeling.

“Hello?” He answered quickly.

“Hello? Bucky? It’s Pe… eh, Spider-man!” He heard the familiar voice say.

“Peter? Why are you calling from Maddie’s phone?” Bucky said, now sure that something was wrong.

“She is in the hospital and told me to call you. You should get here, like now.” Peter said.

Bucky didn’t even say bye before he hung up and sprinted to the door, grabbing his wallet and keys on the way. Luckily, Maddie hadn’t taken the car keys with her, so he grabbed those too and went down to the garage to get her car. 

Driving to the hospital in the middle of the night was not how he had envisioned this night, and to be frank, it scared him to death. He didn’t know what had happened, or if Maddie was ok. He sped up and was driving a lot faster than he should. Luckily, the hospital wasn’t too far away, so he soon reached the parking lot where he pulled into a spot close to the entrance.

He ran inside and found a nurse to ask about Maddie. After some questioning about who he was, he was shown into a room where he found his roommate sitting on a bed, and spider-man sitting beside her. It sure was a sight to be seen, but he couldn’t focus on anything other than Maddie’s face. She had a compress taped to her eyebrow, and she looked tired. 

“Maddie! Oh my god, what happened to you?” He said and took a few long strides into the room, reaching her. He didn’t dare to hug her even if that was the only thing he wanted to do, in case she was hurt and he would make it worse. 

“I’m ok, it’s ok.” She said, her voice hoarse, as she reached for his hand and took it. “Hey, your hand.” She continued and nodded her head towards the other hand, that was not covered by his usual glove. 

He cursed. He had forgotten it in his haste. He shoved the metal hand into the pocket of his jacket and hoped that no one had noticed. 

Peter stood up now, and spoke to them both, “I need to go, but I wanted to make sure that she wouldn’t be alone first. I’ll talk to you guys later!” 

He left them alone in the room, and Bucky turned his attention to Maddie again.

“What happened Maddie?” He asked.

“I was-“ she started, but was interrupted by the doctor entering the room.

“How are you feeling miss Johnson?” She asked Maddie while she looked in her papers.

“My head hurts a bit, and I’m tired.” Maddie answered.

“That’s normal. All the tests came back and they look good. The cut on your forehead will be sore for a while but should be fine. Your throat will also probably be swollen and sore for a while, but if you have any difficulties breathing or swallowing, you need to come back immediately. You shouldn’t be alone for a few days, but that might not be a problem?” she said and looked at Bucky and Maddie holding hands. 

“No, no problem.” Bucky answered for them. 

“Good. Everything has been properly documented for the police report, so you are free to go home. Rest plenty.” The doctor told them before she left. 

Bucky helped Maddie up from the bed, and fortunately he was holding her arm while doing it because she swayed unsteadily. 

“Whoa, are you ok?” he asked her, holding her tighter against himself.

“Yeah, it’s just the adrenaline and shock that has left me a bit tired, that’s all. I’m fine.” She said, her voice strained from the effort.

Bucky hooked his arm around her shoulders, and the other one around her legs and hoisted her up into his arms like it was nothing. 

“No, Bucky, you don’t have to do this! I can walk!” she spluttered.

“I know, but you should use your energy to heal instead of exerting yourself on something unnecessary.” He said, not letting her go.

“But, it’s embarrassing.” She whispered to him. 

“Then hide your face and no one will know it’s you” he said quietly.

She did as he said and put her face to his neck, hiding her blushing face from the world. He put her down again when they reached the car and helped her inside. When they parked at home and got out of the car, he picked her up again before she could protest and carried her up to the apartment.

She went to take a quick shower and change out of her dirty clothes while Bucky prepared cups of tea and something for her to eat. She was starving, and the night had been so long. When she came out from her room again, Bucky was waiting for her on the couch. As she sat down, he looked up at her and inhaled sharply.

“What the hell has happened to you?” he said as he inspected the dark bruises around her neck that had been covered by her shirt before. His insides twisted at the thought of someone hurting her like this.

She sighed and let out a small cough. Taking a sip of tea, she felt the warm liquid ease her throat a bit and calm her. “Jared happened.”

The anger flared up in Bucky, that bastard. “What did he do?” he said, sounding menacing, and Maddie looked frightened. Bucky took a few deep breaths and continued, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. But will you tell me what happened?”

Maddie took a deep breath and started to talk, going through the night’s events, from the dinner to the hospital.

“On my way home from the club, I thought someone was following me, but I didn’t see anyone. Then someone suddenly pulled me into an alley. It was Jared. He kept telling me how I had ruined his life, and that I was now whoring around with strange men in my apartment, that’s you by the way, teasing men in bars and stuff like that. I tried to talk him out of it, but he wasn’t listening. He said…” her voice broke off and Bucky took her free hand again reminding her that she was safe.

“He said that if he couldn’t have me, no one should. Then he put his hands around my neck and pressed, hard. I couldn’t breathe, but before I passed out, I remembered some of my training and managed to get away.” She continued.

“Ok, that explains the neck, what about the head, and why was Peter there?” Bucky asked.

“Well. When I escaped his grip, I… broke his arm.” She said, smiling sheepishly. “He screamed and punched wildly around himself, hitting me in the face. Hence, the cut. Peter arrived in the middle of it because he was patrolling and heard people shouting and came to see what was up. Just when Jared was trying to get to me again, Peter shot his web at him, and secured him to a wall while the onlookers called the police and Peter took me to the hospital. Swinging through the city like spiderman isn’t fun at all I must admit.”

“Tell me about it.” Bucky muttered before continuing a little louder. “The fact that you broke his arm makes me feel a little bit better. I’m glad that Peter was there to help you, but I want to kill Jared for doing that to you.”

Maddie saw his jaw clench hard and put her hand on his bicep. “Bucky, I handled it. He is reported to the police, they have him in custody, all my injuries are documented and there were eyewitnesses to what happened. He will get the sentence he deserves. Please don’t do anything rash that will get you in trouble. I don’t want to lose you.” She said, trying to calm him down. 

He let out a heavy sigh. “I know, you did great. I have just never felt so helpless and scared as when I got that phone call telling me you were in the hospital. It would break me if something happened to you.” He said, looking her intensely in the eye. 

She swallowed hard. Her feelings swirling around all over the place. She understood what he meant. She would feel the same way if something happened to him. The gaze she met was so charged with emotion that she couldn’t speak. 

He came closer and put his palm to her cheek. She closed her eyes and leaned into it a little, feeling the comfort it gave her. When she felt his breath on her face, her eyes flew open and met his grey gaze only inches away. He was still, reading her reaction before he closed the distance and let his lips meet hers. 

The kiss was so gentle that it made her eyes water. No one had ever kissed her with that much feeling behind it, not heat or lust, but something stronger. When he pulled back again and watched her, she saw the shock and regret flicker across his face when he noticed her tears.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t-“ he started to say, but she silenced him with a finger to his lips. 

“Don’t! You don’t have to apologise. You kissing me wasn’t the reason for these tears, or it was, but not in the way you think.” She smiled at him before she continued. “I just… I’m happy, and you make me feel safe, appreciated and… at home.”

He didn’t answer her, instead he pressed another kiss to her lips, and then to her cheek before he spoke, “You should get to bed, it’s late and you have to rest properly.” 

“I guess you’re right.” she said and stood up. Her legs shaking from a whole different reason this time. 

He was by her side in seconds and helped her back to her room and waited on her bed while she brushed her teeth. When she came out again, she sank down onto the bed, her body feeling heavy from the exhaustion. He helped her down under the covers and stroked her hair before he said good night. 

Maddie watched him go, overwhelmed by everything that had happened today. She felt anxious as soon as she was alone. Memories of Jared flashed through her head when she closed her eyes and she decided that she would take a chance. When she called Bucky’s name, he appeared in her doorway, looking shaken. He had obviously just been about to go to bed, since he wasn’t in anything but his boxers. 

“Are you ok? Did anything happen?” he asked, his voice stressed.

“No, no, I’m fine, sorry for scaring you. I was just wondering… I mean… I don’t want to be alone. Do you think you could sleep in here, with me, tonight?” she said, glad that the darkness hid her violent blush.

“Oh, yeah, sure. Just let me go and turn off the lights. I’ll be right back.” He said and disappeared again. 

He went into his room and shut the lights off. Then he took a few deep breaths trying to collect his thoughts. He had kissed her, and she hadn’t been repulsed or offended. He was so relieved, and happy. Now she wanted him to sleep with her in her room. Sure, they had slept together last night, but after the kiss, it felt so much more intimate. He was nervous. Should he put on some clothes? No, that would be weird, she had already seen that he had been undressed, ready to go to bed. 

He decided not to think too much about it and went back to her room. He walked around the bed to the opposite side from her and slid down under the covers. It was warm and cosy, and he could feel her foot against his leg. He lay on his side, turned towards her, and she did the same. Then he felt something on his chest. A small hand right above the place where his heart was beating quicker than normal. 

He put his hand on top of hers and the action erased the hesitance she felt, and she slid closer to him, put her forehead on his chest and felt herself relaxing. He slid his right arm under her head, and the metal one around her waist, holding her close. The embrace was comforting, and his warmth, scent and steady heartbeat soon lulled her to sleep. He followed closely behind.


	21. After the storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well, it gets hotter!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'M SO SORRY!!!! The beginning of this year has been rough, and I haven't had the time or energy to write as much as I wanted to. But now I'm back baby! I hope you haven't lost all your faith in me and my story! <3

When Maddie woke up, she first thought that the previous night had been a dream. She was alone in her bed and it was very quiet. When she moved to look at the alarm clock, she groaned as the sharp pain confirmed that it actually wasn’t a dream. If the injuries were real, the kiss and sleeping together must have been real too, right? She tried to sit up slowly, groaning again from the strain, but she only got so far as leaning back against the headboard before she gave up. Her body felt heavy and a dull ache tormented every part of her. She sighed and leaned her head back, closing her eyes again. Damn Jared. She hated him so much before all of this, and now she had even more reason to do so. She knew the hate didn’t help in any way, but she refused the alternative, to be scared and helpless. 

The door slid open quietly and when Bucky saw that she was awake he entered the room with a plate of pancakes and a cup of coffee in his hands. He smiled and walked over to her on the bed. At first, she only noticed his familiar smiling face, that calmed her down. Then her gaze locked on the bare torso in front of her, above the waistline of a pair of sweatpants. She couldn’t look away. Sure, she had touched him last night, but that had been in the dark and it felt a lot more innocent than staring at him like this. When she met his gaze again, he had a small smirk on his face. He was clearly enjoying this. 

“Hey! Shouldn’t you be nice to me instead of teasing me?” she pouted, not entirely serious.

He laughed and sat down next to her after putting the food down on the nightstand. “Teasing? How am I teasing you?” he answered innocently.

She rolled her eyes, “I think you know exactly how.” She muttered and poked his chest. 

Before she could pull her hand away again, he caught it and intertwined his fingers with hers, carefully, as if she was made of glass. It was probably good, since she was sore even in her hands. 

“I’m sorry” he said, and his face softened. 

She couldn’t pretend to be angry at him anymore, so she smiled at him and squeezed his hand. “Nah, you’re ok”, she told him. 

They sat for a minute like that, just their hands touching. “How are you today?” he asked her then.

“I feel like I’ve been run over by a lawnmower, but other than that, I’m good” she said, then continued, “how are you?”

He was astounded by her ability to care for him in this situation. “I’m better now that you are home.” He said and stroked her face with his free hand. “How could anyone do this to you…” he whispered, his eyes growing hard. 

“Some people are stupid.” Was her answer to that. She understood his anger, but it scared her too. She thought he would hunt Jared down last night based on his reaction when he saw her. Although, he seemed to get her point when she asked him not to do anything, so she hoped he would leave it be. She scooted closer to him instead, needing the distraction, and wanting to be close to him again. He put his arm around her and stroked her arm on the other side and she leaned her head on his shoulder.

“You should eat something,” he whispered into her hair. 

“Nooo, I don’t wanna move,” she said and snuggled closer to him, enjoying the feeling of his smooth skin to her face. 

“If you don’t eat, I will have to put on a shirt.” he said.

She gasped in mock horror, “Oh no! We can’t have that happening!” she said and moved away from him, reaching for the plate of pancakes and took a big bite, chewing slowly while she made a point of looking at him up and down. 

He felt like squirming, not used to the attention. He liked their teasing, and the fact that she actually seemed to enjoy looking at him. That’s why he didn’t put a shirt on before he came in, but it still felt unfamiliar. When she saw the pink flush creeping up his cheeks, she chuckled and turned away to take a sip of coffee. 

“What are you laughing at?” he said, clearly pouting.

“That you are so cute when you’re blushing”, Maddie said, feeling brave now.

“Oh really? I am? Do you know who else is?” he said, his eyes shining with mischief now. 

She deadpanned, “I have NEVER blushed in my entire life!” she said.

He came closer to her, holding her gaze intently. She felt her heart speeding up and she swallowed, now nervous. He leaned in and she could feel his breath on her lips, her own breathing was shallow now. He didn’t kiss her though, instead he moved past her lips all the way to her ear, where he whispered, “You are really cute when you blush, and I like making you do that.” Then he pulled back again, smiling contently at the blush that was there, just as he expected.

She couldn’t help it, she burst out laughing. “Oh, you are evil! You just wait, I’ll get you back for that!” she said.

“I can’t wait,” he said and leaned back with his arms behind his head, grinning. 

She let out an exasperated huff, trying not to drool when looking at his muscular arms. He was so relaxed now and she liked it. She finished her breakfast and they stayed in her bed, watching a movie on her small bedroom tv.

She couldn’t stay awake though and snoozed off a few times during the movie. When the credits started to roll, she woke up. Her body felt stiff and her hair was in a tangled mess. “Ok, I need to get up and move around for a bit. Go to the bathroom and maybe take a shower.” She said and stretched her arms out. Everything hurt, probably because of the beating, the shock and adrenaline yesterday. 

When she got up, her knees still felt a bit wobbly, but it was nice to move around anyways. Bucky got up too and took the dirty dishes out to the kitchen. Maddie disappeared into the bathroom and he heard running water starting before she came out again. She walked up to him in the kitchen where he was loading the dishwasher. 

“I’m filling up the bathtub now. I don’t have the energy to stand up and shower, so I’ll take a bath instead. Do you think you can check up on me in a little while, so I don’t fall asleep in the water?” she asked him. Feeling a bit self-conscious about him maybe seeing her in the bath, and frustrated because she couldn’t even take a bath on her own.

He stopped and looked at her over his shoulder, “Of course, I’ll check up on you in a bit.” He said, very aware of the fact that she would be in the bath and that he might see her there. 

She thanked him and went into her bathroom again and slid her clothes off. She looked at her body in the mirror, tracing the bruises on her neck and arms. The contrast between her pale skin and the dark bruises made everything look so much worse. She slid into the warm bubble bath she had prepared and sighed. The water felt soothing on her sore body and she relaxed as she closed her eyes and leaned back.

Bucky started the dishwasher and then waited for another 10 minutes before he decided it was ok to check up on Maddie without being overprotective. He knocked on the door but didn’t get an answer, so he opened it and peaked his head around the door. His heart almost stopped when he saw her head almost completely under the water, her nose was basically the only thing above the surface. He rushed forward to her and lifted her head up and called her name.

She woke up startled at the panicked face above her and sat up, splashing water over the edge of the tub, “What?? What happened?!” she cried out.

“Oh thank god, you were asleep when I came in and scared the living daylight out of me!” he said, sitting down on the floor, gripping the edge of the bathtub and hanging his head, looking defeated. 

Maddie leaned over the edge and put both her hands on his shoulders, feeling his one tense shoulder, and the cold metal on the other side. “I’m sorry that I scared you, but thank you for waking me up Bucky”, she said.

He lifted his head, “It’s not your fault. Damn, my heartrate is at about a million!” He said breathlessly.

She slid her hand down to his chest and felt his racing heart, “I’m fine, it’s ok now” she said.

“Yeah, I guess. But I'm not leaving you again”. He said and scooted back towards the wall and leaned back.

“Are you really going to sit there and look at me?” she asked.

“I don’t have to look, but yes, I'll stay right here.” He said and closed his eyes as he leaned his head back to the wall, trying to calm down. He had seen a lot more of her than he was used to, and that might have contributed to his erratic heart beat. 

Maddie looked at the man sitting on the floor. His long hair fell softly on his shoulders, and his short-trimmed beard, a little more than stubble, shaded his strong jaw. His chest rose and fell with each breath, and he seemed to have calmed down a little. She felt mortified at the whole event. He had seen her naked... maybe he wouldn't want to kiss her anymore now. She tried to push the thoughts away and focused on her bath instead. She soaked for a bit before she picked up a loofah and started to scrub herself from head to toe. She tried to get her back but was too stiff to reach anything past her shoulders. She let out a frustrated sigh and remembered that she wasn’t alone. When she turned her head, she met the grey eyes that were attentively watching her. 

“Do you want help with that?” he asked her.

She sighed again, “Yes, please.” She said as she handed over the loofah. He scrubbed her back gently and she enjoyed the moment. When he was done, she said thank you and he went back to his spot on the floor. The water was starting to get cold, so she decided that it was time to shampoo her hair and rinse off. 

“I’m going to stand up now, so maybe you can turn around for a few minutes?” she told him, and he obliged but wishing he didn’t have to.

Without his eyes on her, she stood up and quickly rinsed herself off before she wrapped herself in a large towel and started to step out of the tub. “Ok, I’m all done! Like a whole new…” she started before she slipped with the foot still in the tub and fell uncontrollably towards the floor. Of course, he caught her before she could hurt herself, he was still unnaturally quick. She laughed shakily when he sat her down on her feet again.

“Oops, sorry, I’m still a bit clumsy I guess.” She said apologetically.

“Don’t apologize. I’m here to help. Also, I kinda like catching you like this.” He winked at her. 

He didn’t let her go, instead they stood there, arms around each other and smiled their stupid smiles. This time Maddie was the one who took the first step and stood up on her tip toes and kissed him softly. He looked taken back at first, but soon enough he was kissing her back. His stubble scratched her jaw, and his hands found their way into her wet hair. She let her hands run up under his t-shirt, along his abdomen and chest, feeling his muscles tense under her touch. He let out a quiet groan which only made her want to get even closer to him. When she moved her hands to pull her fingers through his hair though, she had to stretch in order to reach, which reminded her of her sore ribs, and she winced. 

He stopped abruptly, almost jumping back from her. “Sorry!” he said, sounding winded.

“No, no, it wasn’t you. It’s these damned injuries.” She muttered. 

He seemed to relax, knowing he hadn’t done anything wrong, but they didn’t have the chance to continue their exploration before they heard a knock on the door followed by the doorbell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I enjoyed writing this! Even if nothing in particular is happening in it. It's just a sweet moment in time. Also, I got inspiration from the shower scene in "The Scientist" by Vampirefreakism, so I have to throw some cred to her too, for that and for supporting me always! :D There will be more chapters soon! with more events! (you know, since I'm stuck at home in isolation for now).


	22. Heating up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The temperature is rising!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone! (Those of you who still read this) This chapter started out a lot more innocent than it ended. Hope you like it! Thank you for reading this <3 As it is my very first fanfic, I'm aware that it's not perfect, but I enjoy writing it for you!

When Maddie opened the door with Bucky closely behind her, she met the panicked eyes of Alice. Her friend looked like she had been running and panted as she steadied herself on the doorframe. 

“Oh Maddie!” She exclaimed as she flung herself on a surprised Maddie. 

Stumbling backwards, then feeling two large hands to her back, steadying them both, she murmured to her friend, “I’m fine, Alice, I’m ok.”

Alice pulled back and looked at her, “Maddie, you are clearly not fine, just look at you…” she said as her eyes started to fill up with tears. “It’s all my fault…” she continued as the tears spilled over the edge and ran down her face in steady streams. 

Maddie saw Bucky slipping away into his room with an understanding nod towards them, giving them space to talk, then turned her attention back to Alice. “No Alice, it is not your fault. Not even a little bit!” She said with conviction, stroking the tears away from her friend’s cheeks. Alice sobbed, and Maddie grabbed her wrists and gently pulled her along into the living room and sat her down on the couch. 

“The only one at fault here is Jared, because he is the one who hurt me. You didn’t, and if he hadn’t attacked me, I would have been fine. So how is it your fault that he did?” Maddie said. 

“But, If I hadn’t left you alone, maybe he wouldn’t have done it” Alice responded, sniffling. 

“Or he would have and hurt us both. We will never know. But that doesn’t mean it’s your fault. We should be able to walk home alone without being assaulted, so it is all the assailant’s fault.” Maddie concluded, stroking Alice’s hair.

\----------------------------------------------------

Bucky sat on his bed, hearing the two women talk. He had decided to give them some time alone and was now at a loss of what to do with himself. Being away from Maddie felt uncomfortable after spending so much time in such close proximity for the last 24 hours. He couldn’t help but hearing what they said, and marvelled at Maddie’s ability to reason with, and comfort her friend, when Maddie was the one who had been attacked and hurt. She was always so caring, for everyone, without making herself less important. 

He lay down on his bed and sighed, bringing his hands to his face. He shouldn’t eavesdrop, even if he was curious. He tried to focus on something else instead, and his brain immediately steered into thoughts about the events in the bathroom earlier after Maddie’s bath. He had been trying not to peek at her but couldn’t help but watch when she got out of the tub, and luckily, he saw when she lost her footing. 

When he held her afterwards, it felt like he was burning. He could still feel her hands on his body, small and warm, exploring him like they couldn’t get enough. It was the first time he had been touched like that in so long, and he liked it. It was the first time his body hadn’t responded with fear to unexpected touching. And he had to admit, it was unexpected. When she had touched him, and kissed him, he had instead felt his response like a dam being opened and water rushing through. The strong torrent swirled inside and pulled him even closer to her, wanting more. The feeling had scared him, it was so strong it almost made him blurt out words he had never said to a woman before, and he didn’t want to pressure her into something she wasn’t ready for. He knew she liked him, but he wasn’t sure if he was only a temporary distraction to her or if she felt the same as he did, so he tried to give her more time. When she broke away from him, he was almost relieved, because he didn’t think he could hold it in anymore if they had continued. 

He smiled to himself, and when he realized that his body had reacted to the memory, he sat up and thought to himself that he couldn’t lay here like some perv when she was out there with her friend, talking about something that serious. He stood up and walked over to his bathroom, throwing his clothes in the hamper and looked at his face in the mirror. He did some beard trimming before he was getting into the shower. He took his time washing his hair, scrubbing his body and just letting the hot water run over him for what felt like hours. It didn’t distract him as well as he had hoped, but at least he was clean and warm.

When he got out of the shower, he listened at the door and heard that the women were still talking, so he decided to give them some more time and grabbed a book on one of the shelves, lay down on his bed again and tried to focus on the pages in front of him. 

\-------------------------------------------------

Maddie shut the door and locked it behind her friend. 

After what felt like a very long time, Alice had stopped crying and they had been able to talk about the event and about what would happen next. Maddie was hoping that Jared would be thrown in jail, and Alice was describing some more unconventional punishments she wanted to inflict on Jared. When they said goodbye at the door, the sun had begun to set, and now Maddie wondered where Bucky had gone. 

She knocked on his door, but there was no answer, so she opened it and saw his sleeping form on the bed. He had a book resting on his chest and had clearly fallen asleep while reading. She wondered if he hadn’t gotten enough sleep last night, and if it was her fault. She went over to him and lay down next to him not wanting to take him by surprise and scare him again. 

“You know, you don’t have to be so far away” his voice suddenly broke the silence, and she jumped at the sudden sound.

“Oh! Damn you scared me!” she said, then continued, “I didn’t want to take you by surprise by doing something else”.

“Mhm, like what?” he teased her, his voice rough with sleep.

“Well, you know, If I could choose, I would probably climb you like a tree” she said, teasing right back at him.

His eyes became serious then, and she thought she could see something new in them. She swallowed hard at his next words. “You’re welcome”.

She sat up and turned her body towards him before she scooted closer. She ended up sitting on her knees at his side, leaning over him. She let her fingers brush a strand of his hair away from his face and watched his face for any reaction. She heard him take a short breath at her touch, and his eyes grew soft, lite molten lava. When she saw the small smile tug on his lips, she couldn’t resist kissing it. 

When their lips met, she felt the air between them change. He reached for her and pulled her closer, onto his lap. She straddled him, and he left his hands on her hips. She steadied herself with her palms on his chest, and for a second, they only watched each other. 

“I like this look” she said and trailed her finger along his chin, feeling the newly trimmed very short stubble scratching her fingertip. Then she bent down and kissed him again, and this time she let her tongue slide across his lips, making his grip on her hips tighten. His reaction spurred her on and she let her lips slide along his jaw and down his throat. Planting kisses along the way. He groaned and tried to pull her up again to be able to kiss her, but she just smiled and nibbled his ear instead. He grumbled as he gave up and she could feel his heart hammer in his chest, just like her own did.

“You got yourself into this trouble, and now I’m in charge” she whispered in his ear.

Before she even had time to comprehend what was happening, she was on her back and Bucky smiled down at her with a cheeky smile. “I’m sorry, what?” he said with a mischievous twinkle in his eyes.

“Hrmpf” she huffed and tried to look offended, but she couldn’t hold it for long. “Well, I like this too.” She continued and smiled up at him. He was holding himself up so he wouldn’t put pressure on her sore spots, and when he kissed her again, it was gentle and sweet. Her hands found themselves tangled in his hair and one of his thighs was pressed firmly against her between her legs. She gasped at the pressure, and he pulled away from her thinking it was because he had accidentally hurt her. But she pulled him back towards her, “Don’t. You didn’t hurt me” she said and met his eyes, trying to convey her feelings. He understood, and she could see him swallowing. Then, once again, his body put pressure on hers in just the right places. She could feel his response to her, and she felt victorious. The fact that she could make him react like this was thrilling. 

After a while of heated kissing, touching, and to be honest, some dry humping, he stopped. And after kissing her softly on the forehead, he moved over so he was laying next to her again. Before she could protest, he put his hand on her cheek and spoke, “You are incredible, and I want to do this forever, but I don’t think I’m completely ready to go any further right now. And it’s time for dinner” he said, smiling at her.

Regaining her ability to breathe, she met his eyes. “Me neither. And you aren’t so bad yourself” she said and grinned at him. 

After kissing her smiling mouth one more time, he got up and said, “Come on then, we need food!”.


	23. New experiences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here comes the smut! And other things. A lot of feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK, here's a loooooooooong boi! Sorry for that if you are not into those. Also, there's sex stuff, just saying, so if you're not into that, I'm also sorry! I'm ALSO sorry for the long wait! Quarantine is boring, and the working from home takes a lot of energy. Wow, that's a lot of sorrys. I'm not sorry that I wrote it though :D

As the weeks went by, bruises faded, and their budding relationship kept on growing, things slowly shifted back to something like normalcy. Maddie went back to work, and Bucky took a part time job as a bike messenger just to have something to do during the days and to earn some money himself. Some people would probably find it strange that he, the former Winter Soldier, was riding around the city on a bicycle delivering packages, but he liked it. He got to move around, didn’t have to talk to a lot of people, and since it was only part time, he could still adjust his schedule to Maddie’s and get to spend time with her in the evenings. 

He was at the end of his shift and was looking forward to coming home to Maddie. A slight tingle ran down his spine at the thought of spending time with her and his heart leapt happily in his chest. They still hadn’t gone further than kissing and touching, but they were in no hurry. He was still a little apprehensive because of obvious reasons like the torture and pain that had been inflicted on him for the majority of his life, and the fact that he didn’t know how he would react to touch if he was also losing himself and his control in the ecstasy. 

He was also nervous, since it had been so many years since the last time he had slept with someone. It had been a different time, and he had been younger. What if things had changed since then and he was outdated? They had talked about it that night after their first make out, and she understood. She had told him that she was also feeling something similar since she hadn’t been with anyone since Jared and he hadn’t been very nice even when they had been together. 

His happy feeling dissipated quickly at the thought of Maddie’s stories about psychological abuse, how she had been guilted into having sex, and the fear she still felt because of that. Bucky had promised her that he would never do anything against her will, and that she could never disappoint him by saying no. He was appalled that this should even be a thing that could be questioned, but he would do anything to make her feel safe. And from the way she spoke to him and from what she said, he could tell that she would do the same for him. 

He ran up some stairs to deliver a thick envelope to a middle-aged man that gave Bucky a condescending look before he signed for it, took the envelope and shut the door. Bucky laughed to himself at the snobby person as he jogged down the stairs again. He didn’t care that he was looked down on by some. The people who didn’t look down on him were more than enough. He chuckled again as he thought about the previous weekend when he had taken Maddie to meet his friends over at the Avengers compound. She had looked nervous, and honestly, he had been too. 

\------------------------------------------------------

This was the first time anyone would see him with a girl, a girlfriend even, probably, and he didn’t know how they would react or what stories they would tell her. None of them would have needed to worry though, there weren’t even time for any awkwardness. 

When they arrived, there was a barbecue going on outside despite the cold weather, it was only February after all, and she noticed some familiar faces as she kept close to Bucky’s side, clasping his hand hard. A booming voice sounded over the people in the large room, and Bucky saw Thor coming towards them with a bottle of beer in his hand and a huge smile on his face. 

“My friend! How are you doing? It has been a long time!” Thor said, and when he reached them, he started to pull Bucky in for a hug, but stopped short when he noticed the small woman at his side.

“Oh, I am very sorry my lady, I did not see you and therefore did not introduce myself. I am Thor, God of thunder and supervisor of drinks tonight. Would you like something from the bar? Mead? Wine?” he said in a quite grandiose way and took her hand to kiss the back of it. 

Bucky was trying not to look amused at seeing Maddie’s blush when being confronted with the god. Thor was just being Thor, but if you hadn’t met him before, you could easily be overwhelmed by his way of carrying himself. 

“Y-yes, I have heard of you, it’s nice to meet you” Maddie stuttered at a loss for words, forgetting to tell him her name. 

“Hello, my friend” Bucky said and gave Thor a hug with his free arm, then continued, “This is Maddie, and we would love a beer and a glass of wine”. Thor nodded and with an “Of course Man of Winter and Lady Maddie!” he disappeared into the kitchen. 

Bucky was glad to see his friend smile so broadly, even if he had some objections about that nickname. He had had a rough time for a while with his home planet being destroyed, and his people being killed by Thanos. Then there was the thing that was probably the hardest of them all, the loss of his brother. Bucky hadn’t really met Loki, but from what he had heard he had been responsible for a lot of destruction in his life, which was later confirmed as being the result of mind control and torture. He died trying to save Thor, and Bucky felt a strange kind of connection to Loki. If someone knew anything about being forced to do horrible things against your will, it was him, and he wanted to believe that he could redeem himself, just as Loki could have if he had still been alive.

When Thor came back and handed them their drinks, Bucky took the chance to say a few words to him before the party was in full swing. “You look well, how have you been?”.

“It has not been easy feat, but I have been thinking a lot, and found that the best thing to do is to live a good life and fill it with good people, to honour the ones who are now residing in the halls of Valhalla.” He said, his smile turning a bit sad at the end, and Bucky felt bad for ruining his good mood. 

“I say, cheers to the brave people lost in battle, and to their ever-living memory” Maddie said by their side when the mood had gone a bit too far south for her taste. She wanted to help turn it around and hoped that no one would be offended by it. 

Thor stopped in the middle of a step and turned to her, “Lady Maddie! I like you already!” he said and suddenly raised his voice even more, making Bucky fear for peoples’ ears. 

“Lady Maddie who has joined us tonight together with the Man of Winter here has proposed a toast for all fallen heroes that are greatly missed. Cheers to all who are here tonight, and let us celebrate in our brothers’ and sisters’ stead, remembering them fondly.” He said and the crowd erupted in cheers. 

“Well, that was some entrance” Bucky whispered in Maddie’s ear and chuckled at her overwhelmed expression. She had hoped to keep on the downlow and not draw any unwanted attention to herself, but that plan had been thrown out the window pretty quickly. She let out a shaky laugh and said “well, now that I have been thrown in, I guess we just keep going”.

They made their way further into the room and Maddie recognised some of the people there, like the big green man that really couldn’t be anyone other than the Hulk. It was a little intimidating being around all these people, but as everyone seemed to be in a good mood, and looked like they had a good time, she tried to relax.

They went over to a group of people that Bucky introduced as Sam, Scott, Peter and Bruce. Bruce being the big green man. He didn’t look as scary as in the videos she had seen of him as he smashed his way around the city though. There was also a small animal, some sort of raccoon that sat on a barstool nearby next to a large plant. When he was introduced as Rocket and greeted her with a “hello”, she was startled, not prepared for talking animals. When the plant next to him laughed at the exchange, she thought she must have gone mad. “And that’s Groot” Bucky finished with a laugh. 

While they were talking and laughing and asking Bucky all sorts of embarrassing stuff, they were also telling Maddie stories about the different missions they had gone on together (the smaller stuff, none of the big heavy things). She was surprised to feel a tap on her shoulder and turned around to a tall blonde woman with a kind smile. 

“Oh, hey! You are-“ she started, and the other woman finished her sentence. “Pepper. It’s so nice to finally meet you!” she said and gave Maddie a small hug. She got the feeling that they knew each other, even if they had never met before. “I have heard a lot about you from Bucky, or I have made him tell me. I have been curious since he showed me that roommate ad and I wrote the letter” she continued.

“Right back at ya.” Maddie said with a smile. She liked this woman. “And, thank you for the letter, that was one of the reasons I decided on him. You were right.” she continued and felt the blush creep up on her again. 

“Of course I was” Pepper said with a smirk. Then added to the man next to them, “Bucky, I’m going to steal her away for a bit from all the testosterone here.” Taking her hand and gently pulling her away. Bucky sent her a questioning glance and she nodded encouraging to him, letting him know she was fine. Afterwards, they would both compare their separate experiences and find out that they had both been questioned by the curious friends of his.

After what only felt like minutes, someone called that the dinner was ready and when they went into the living room again, there was a large smorgasbord of amazing food displayed at one end. She left her newfound friends to join Bucky again, sneaking her hand into his and feeling him squeeze hers back. “How are you doing?” he asked her, and she told him that they had had some girl talk, and that she was fine. She looked flushed and happy and they couldn’t wait to dig into the food that smelled so good. 

The rest of the night they spent chatting and laughing with his friends and she even tried arm wrestling Bruce. That was after a few glasses of wine, and for a long time she would smile at the memory of how he let her win.

\-------------------------------------------------------

That had been a good night, and the memory made him happy. Maddie had gotten along great with his friends, and apart from the initial shock, she had handled it like a queen. Meeting superhumans wasn’t anything ordinary for her, and it could be a bit of a shock. Maddie was used to him in beforehand though, so she might have been eased into it a bit slower than most. 

When he got home after finishing his shift, he put dinner into the oven for it to be done when Maddie arrived home, and then he went to take a shower to get rid of the sweat and city smell that clung to him after pedalling around all day. He washed his body with the soap she had given him as a present a while ago, and it made him think of her, wishing that she was in there with him. He might have been a bit too thorough with the soap, but he got carried away thinking about what it would feel like if it were her hands on him. Then he stopped, he wanted to wait until it could actually be her.

When Maddie unlocked the door to the apartment and stepped inside, she smelled the casserole they were having for dinner, and heard the shower in his bathroom running. She had the urge to go there and get into the shower with him, but before she could even tell herself no, it shut off and she heard him get out. She sighed. She wanted him so bad, but she was so nervous. Well, she could at least get a glimpse of that glorious body she thought and snuck up to his bedroom door and stuck her head in just as he came out with only a towel around his waist. 

“Are you just going to stand there sneaking around or are you going to greet me?” he asked as he flashed her a heart melting smile. 

She giggled, she never thought that she would be a giggler but here she was, and hurried into the room and slipped her hands around his still wet torso, resting her chin on his chest to look up at him. “Hi” she said innocently. 

“Hi” he murmured as he dipped his head down and kissed her. She immediately met the kiss and pulled him even closer. They got lost in it until Bucky pulled away and said “Hold on! The food is going to get burnt!” as he ran to the kitchen to take it out. It was only a little burnt at the edges, and it was so worth it. Maddie had followed him from the room and now stood in the doorway appreciating the view as he did his thing. 

“Not that I want you to cover that up” she said and pointed to his partly naked body, “but I don’t want you to get sick either. So why don’t you go and get into something other than that towel and I’ll set the table?” she continued.

“Yeah, ok, I probably should dry off” he answered and went back to his bedroom. 

\-------------------------------

When he came back, she hadn’t moved though. She was standing in the exact same place, staring at her phone. Bucky went up to her and took it from her hand, putting it on the table and then turned her to face him. Her eyes met his but weren’t seeing. He pulled out a chair and sat down on it, pulling Maddie down on his lap.

“Maddie, honey, what happened?” he said as he stroked her cheek. Worry tugging at his insides.

“He’s free. They let him go.” She whispered and tears started running down her cheeks.

He went cold. What? How could they let him go? He had almost killed her. “What, how?” was the only thing he could get out.

“My lawyer called. He got probation and has to pay damages, but they let him go. They couldn’t prove that it was premediated and that he had meant to kill me. He was intoxicated and they probably believed him when he had some sob story about not being aware of what he was doing.” She said shakily. 

“That is the worst bullshit I have ever heard” he growled, the anger rising in him like a flood of hot magma. “Something must be done!” he exclaimed.

“Yeah, we are going to file an appeal, but while we do that, he is a free man.” She sighed.

“You are safe, I promise. I won’t leave your side this time.” He stated matter of factly. 

“No Bucky, you need to be able to go to work. Me too, and you can’t go with me everywhere. And he will probably stay away now that they have their eyes on him.” She said. Despite the situation, she felt her heart flutter when she met his steely gaze. Cupping his chin with her hand, she continued, “Thank you for being so concerned about me, and for making me feel so safe.”

He put his hand over hers and turned his head to press a kiss to her palm. “Of course, you are the most important person in my life after all” he said, feeling the need to be honest with her.

Her heart swelled, and the despair induced by the whole situation was muffled by the joy she felt at his words. No one had said that to her before, even if she had had a few relationships earlier. She was still scared that he would realize that she wasn’t as good as he thought, and that he would regret everything, but she tried to push those thoughts away and just trust his words and her own feelings. 

Not being able to find the right words to answer him, she leaned into him and pressed a kiss to his lips that were tense on his frowning face. The soft touch pulled him out of his troubled mind, and he let himself relax against her, meeting her mouth and using his hand on her neck to pull her closer. 

When she felt his response, she intensified the kiss further, and when she felt his breathing speed up, and his hands holding her tighter, she released her grasp on him and pulled away just enough for her to turn on his lap, moving her leg to be able to place herself straddling him. When she sank down again, she could feel his muscular thighs pressed against hers and hoped that she wasn’t too heavy. Then she didn’t have time to think anymore because his large hand was now making its way back into her hair to cradle the back of her head again, bringing her closer to him. 

The kiss was hungry now, and she threw herself into it completely. She wasn’t even sure she was breathing, because the only thing she could feel was him. She couldn’t resist letting her teeth tug at his lower lip, which elicited a low growling sound deep within his chest. She felt his hands tug at her shirt that was tucked into her skirt, until he could ease his hands inside it to stroke her back. The touch from one hand felt hot against her skin while the other made goosebumps when the cool metal slid across it. The sensation was thrilling, and when the hands moved to go up her sides until she could feel his thumbs stroke lightly along the underside of her bra she gasped and left his mouth to meet his gaze. He was silently asking her a question, and she swallowed hard, then nodded. 

His fingers disappeared behind her again, and quickly unfastened her bra. He continued to slide the straps from her shoulders and with some help from her he let it fall to the floor. Their eyes were fixed in each other’s and he kept her gaze as he came closer again, until he let his lips press against her neck and she bent her head to the side to give him easier access. When he let his mouth trail along her neck down to her collar bone, she let out a quiet whimper and leaned away from him. At first, he was worried that he had gone too far, but when he glanced up at her eyes, dark with desire, he understood what she wanted. He let his mouth find its way back to her skin, and held her steady as he leaned her back further on his arms, lifting the hem of her shirt so he could finally see her soft breasts moving with every quick breath she took. 

He let his tongue find its way through the valley between them, and when he moved up to circle around one nipple, he was almost surprised at the hardness of it. Her soft moan told him that she liked it, and he gave the other nipple the same treatment before he pulled her upright again to be able to kiss her some more. 

Her brain had stopped working a long time ago, and she had forgotten all about Jared, or at least it didn’t feel important now. She was enjoying this moment too much. His hot breath on her skin, not even worrying about what her breasts looked like, if they weren’t perky enough or uneven in size. He didn’t seem to mind, at all. Actually, she could feel his appreciation, pressed against her. When he pulled her up again to meet his mouth in a kiss that was different from anything they had shared so far, he moved his hands from her back. One went down to her butt, and the other slid to her front again, continuing where his lips had started just a moment ago. 

Her hands automatically slid into his hair and tugged his head back making her lips slide down his throat again. As she shifted backwards on his lap, out of his reach, he made a dissatisfied noise before he realised what she was doing. She grabbed the hem of his t-shirt and pulled it up, he raised his arms to help her take it off. She threw it behind her, not wasting a second before she let her hands glide slowly from his neck and down across his chest and down to his stomach. She could feel his flat muscles flex when she touched him, and he let out a sigh as he tilted his head back. She took it as an invitation and pressed a kiss to his throat as she let her hands find their way up to his nipples, returning the favour. When her fingers touched them gently, he let out a gasp and said, “Fuck, Maddie, If we want to stop this, we need to stop it now”. 

“Do you want to stop it?” she asked against his skin.

He was quiet for a little while, before he answered, “No.”

She stood up and took his hands, pulling him up from the uncomfortable kitchen chair and leading him over to the couch where she pushed him back into sitting and returned to her own position on his lap. She liked being on top like this, being able to see his reactions to her touch, seeing how she affected him. 

“better?” she whispered in his ear.

“With you, I could sit on a burning pile of knives and it would still be the best place ever”. He said with humour, but his voice was a little unsteady.

His words thrilled her, and her fingers traced his skin, from his jaw down to the waistline of his pants, then up again to his shoulders and down his arms. The sensation of his metal arm under her fingertips was different, but still so familiar by now. Even where it connected to his shoulder, the place looking a little scary with scar tissue at the transition between metal and skin, he assured her that nothing hurt. The dark metal was almost black, and the gold between it was bright and shining, a striking contrast. It was smooth, apart from the pattern of gold connecting the countless parts that gave the arm full movability, and she could trace the pattern, feeling the curves and edges.

Her fingers left goosebumps behind and she watched, fascinated as they rose and disappeared. She could touch him like this forever, and he seemed to like it. His hands were resting on her thighs as he watched her. Her eyes moved up to meet his gaze. 

“You’re beautiful.” She said in a tremulous voice. As she leaned in and kissed the scars covering his shoulder.

“You are the beautiful one here” he said, looking at her shining eyes and ruffled hair, taking in the picture, to remember it. Her touch sent shivers through his whole body, and he never wanted her to stop. Touches like this hadn’t even been happening in his youth when he had started to explore his sexuality. There hadn’t been that much feeling behind it, or this much safety around him then. It had been fleeting and temporary, while this was the complete opposite. A lot of the places where her hands now roamed, carried only the memory of pain, and at the pace she erased those memories, he realized that he was not just smitten with her, he was irrevocably in love with this woman. 

Not being able to voice this realization just yet, from fear that she wasn’t ready for it, he put his arms around her and pulled her flushed against him, hugging her tight. “Thank you.” He whispered. 

“For what?” she asked, surprise in her voice.

“For looking at me like that, for putting so much trust in me and for letting me in,” he answered.

He felt her hug tighten at his words, and he could feel her heart beat against his chest, fast and strong. A quiet laugh blew hot breath on his neck as she said, “It really doesn’t take that much effort to do so. Now if you don’t mind, I have some urgent business to attend to.” 

His disappointment swirled when she moved away from him, but it quickly turned to a different feeling when she only moved away enough to slide down to sit on the floor between his legs. Her hands found their way back to him as they settled on the sides of his stomach. Leaving room for her lips to explore the plains of his abs. When she moved down to kiss the trail of hair right below his navel, he felt like he was on fire, and he couldn’t even remember how to breathe anymore. 

“W-wait, Maddie.” He gasped.

She looked up at him, confused, “You don’t like it?” she asked, even if she could see that he clearly did. 

“Of course, I do, I’m just afraid that I like it too much right now.” He chuckled. Stroking her cheek with his thumb. 

“Well then, what are we waiting for?” she asked him, a bit smug now.

“I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to do, or that you are not ready for. Or take advantage of you in a sensitive situation. You know we can wait, right?” he said seriously.

“I know. I adore you for it, and I’m tired of waiting. I want to touch you and do the things I’m longing to do with you. If you are ready that is?” she smiled up at him.

He couldn’t find his voice at her statement, so he just nodded. And at that sign, she continued her exploration of him. Now pulling the waistline of his pants down, kissing the skin at the top of his thigh, but not far enough for her to reach where he wanted it the most. It was still enough for a shiver to go from his toes up to his head though. She stroked her hand across the now almost painful bulge in his pants and his hips moved on their own accord to meet it. 

In his whole sexual career, which honestly wasn’t that long being interrupted by war and being a human weapon and that stuff, he had never felt like this. It had always been more rushed, often initiated when alcohol had been present. This slow build up and tender attention both ways was as unfamiliar to him as love itself. He could guess where she was going, and it thrilled him, at the same time as it made him nervous. He had never been with a woman in this way before. He guessed that it wasn’t as common back in his youth as it was now, or at least not in the circles he moved in at the time. He had heard of oral sex, and even seen a few movies out of curiosity, but the area was new to him physically. She seemed to know what she was doing though, so he decided to let her take the lead on this. 

When she tugged his pants and underwear further down, he lifted himself a bit to allow her to remove them completely, kicking them away when they reached the floor. He was now completely naked, but for the first time when being so, he didn’t feel exposed or… naked. He watched her reactions closely, and he could see the lust and appreciation in her eyes. She was clearly enjoying herself, and that made him braver, she liked looking at him, so who was he to hinder her. Being freed from the constriction of his underwear felt good, and when she reached to wrap her fingers around his hard shaft, good was no longer a suitable description. 

“Still good?” she asked, wanting to make sure he was ok with it. 

“Good? No, good doesn’t even come close to how it’s feeling right now” he said hoarsely. 

“Oh really, then what if I do this?” she said feigning innocence and went on to put her lips around the tip of it, letting her tongue slide over the sensitive underside.

A strangled sound was released from his throat, and he said “Oh, god, you are going to be the death of me!” as he reached up to rub both hands over his face. 

“I wouldn’t want to kill you though,” she snickered and stopped to crawl up to kiss him again. Pressing herself to his naked body. 

“I know it might not be fitting to joke about torture, but this is torture. I had never guessed that it would feel that good.” he said between kisses.

She stopped, “Wait, what? You’ve never…had oral sex?” she asked incredulous as to how this gorgeous man could possibly have less experience than her.

“I don’t know if I have told you, but I have been a bit busy for the past 70 years or so.” He smiled at her, a little embarrassed.

“Of course, I guess I should have seen that coming, but you are just so… fantastic that I can’t even fathom that no one has tried to get into your pants, literally, like that before.” She said. Then continued, “although, I would lie if I said that I wasn’t happy to be the first.”

“I wouldn’t want anyone else.” He said, and then added, “Just, be aware that it has been a very long time, if I embarrass myself.”

“Nothing you can do can embarrass you. Just relax and let me show you something good.” She smiled up at him as she moved downwards again resuming the treatment. 

The warm wetness of her lips, and her eyes watching him while she slowly moved her head up and down pushed him closer to the edge a lot quicker than he had anticipated. His hands had moved to stroke her head and neck as he couldn’t resist moving a little to meet her. But when she noticed that he got close, she moved her attention to other parts of his body again, stroking his torso, kissing his hips and thighs before coming back. She was teasing him a little, wanting to drag it out just a little bit. The next time he started to feel the tingling deep inside, she didn’t stop, and the edge came closer, fast. 

When he gasped out her name and she felt his hands tense in her hair, she moved her mouth away to replace it with a hand as she moved up a little to let her mouth focus on the hard nipples instead. As she let her teeth catch one of them, biting just a little, she felt him tense even more and a rumbling groan slipped out as he came. Covering her hand and his own stomach. 

Before he could even come out of the haze enough to do something about the sticky situation, she moved up again, putting herself right on top of him and the mess.

“You will get sticky” he croaked.

She smiled another smug smile, enjoying his state of disarray, “Well, I don’t mind” she said and removed her own shirt, wiping him off with it before throwing it to the floor with the other discarded clothes. “There, problem solved!”.

He marvelled at her, she was radiating happiness, sexiness and freedom, and he couldn’t tear his eyes away. Until he realised in his stupor that she was now completely naked on the top half of her body. Despite his current situation, he couldn’t resist touching her, wanting to feel her under his hands, and he traced the bottom of her breasts with his thumbs before he cupped each one in his large hands. They fit perfectly. She gasped at his touch, already extremely excited after the treatment she had given him, her lust spurred on by his obvious enjoyment. And the cool of the metal on her right breast made the nipple even harder. 

“I need to go shower. Too bad you already showered without me” she pouted as she stood up.

Thinking about it, he said “I think I might need another shower,” and gestured to himself and grinned at her as he stood up and went with her into her bathroom.

Now she was at the point of no return, she had invited him here, sort of, and now she would be exposed completely and could not even hide in the darkness of a bedroom with the lights out. All the old comments about her body flooded her mind and she felt herself lock down. Bucky noticed that her mood had shifted and took both her hands to keep her still when he looked into her eyes.

“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do, you know that right?” he said.

“I know, I just… I really want you to come with me, because you know” she said and waved a hand in a general way along his body. “But… I guess, I’m scared to let you see me, or my body. I’m scared that you won’t like it.” She sighed. Ashamed to confess this as she took pride in working hard to love her body even if it didn’t fit the beauty standard of today’s society. This was a defeat for her personally, feeling the need for confirmation from someone else. 

His eyes softened at her words and he let his hands slide up along her arms, to her shoulders. “Maddie, you are perfect in every way possible. You are beautiful on both inside and outside and I’m lucky to be here with you.” He said. 

He let his hands continue down to her breasts again, feeling their soft heaviness in his palms. He continued even further down to the waistline of her skirt and waited for confirmation from her before he opened the zipper and let the skirt fall to the floor, leaving her standing there in just a pair of pale pink panties and ankle socks. 

She watched his face as her clothes fell, searching for signs of disgust or discomfort, but only saw…love? Fondness? Lust? Something close to that at least. She took a deep breath before she pulled off her underwear and kicked off her socks. Now she had flung herself out into the free fall and her only way down was to follow through. She took his hand and led him to the shower, starting the water before they got in. As they stood there in the warm water, she looked up at him as it trickled down his face, until it got in her eyes and she had to turn her face down instead. She decided to keep her hands busy by grabbing some shower gel and moved her hands in circles on his chest and stomach, cleaning off the traces of their previous adventure. 

“I thought you were the first priority of this shower” he said in a low voice.

“Well, I feel responsible for getting you dirty again” she said and shot a smile at him again. Not stopping her hands.

“Oh, you are indeed, very much so. But I think I’m clean enough now,” he said and reached for the bottle himself. 

He slowly eased her around so her back was now facing him and started rubbing her shoulders with slow and steady hands. She sighed as it felt so good for her tense muscles. When he was satisfied with how she relaxed, he moved down to her back before he went up her arms to her shoulders again. He took a step forward so his front was up against her back and let his soapy hands cradle her breasts, circling the nipples before he went lower. She tensed at his hands on her stomach, but when he didn’t seem to react badly to the soft curves, she relaxed again. His metal arm was warm from the water, and it gave her a new sensation as it was still hard and smooth, but no longer cold. When his hands found their way down to her thighs she gasped.

“Ok?” he asked her, holding his hands still.

“Yes, yes, very ok” she answered shakily.

His hands were now free from soap as it had washed off in the streaming water, but he didn’t need the excuse anymore since she obviously enjoyed his touch anyways. He kissed her shoulders as his fingers found their way to the neatly trimmed hair between her legs. She whimpered as they slid along the lips and found her sensitive spot. Her thighs started shaking and she didn’t know how she would be able to stand if he continued. He noticed and looped his metal hand around her waist, to help holding her up as she swayed. He continued the treatment and she never wanted it to stop. However, it did. He turned her around and kissed her heatedly, his hands now cradling her head before they went down to cup her butt. 

“I have been wanting to see and feel this for so long,” he growled as he stroked her behind, still kissing her fiercely.

“Ok, I need to wash my hair and be done with this shower like, now.” She gasped between kisses, wanting to get out of there to be able to focus solely on him.

He grinned a cheeky grin at her, “well, I think I’m clean, so I’ll get out and dry off, and I’ll wait for you outside,” he said.

When he disappeared out of the bathroom, she quickly shampooed her hair and washed the rest of her body that he had left out, rinsed off and got out. It was probably the fastest shower she had ever taken. She dried off and pulled on her fluffy robe before she went out to search for him. She didn’t have to search for long as he was sitting on her bed, leaning back on his hands, still wearing the towel around his hips. Not entirely flat in the groin area she noticed.

She walked over to him and he grabbed her hips pulling her to stand between his knees. He pulled on the belt that was tying the robe closed and opened it with the same expression as someone opening a present. She let him disrobe her and shivered a little when the robe fell off her shoulders and down to the floor. He looked up at her, stroking her curves while meeting her eyes. There was so much in those eyes he noticed. Fear, lust, trust. He kissed her skin wherever he could reach, her hands, her stomach, her chest, as her hands found themselves brushing through his hair. 

“You’re cold, come here.” he said and pulled the covers away for them to be able to crawl into the bed. He removed his wet towel before he joined her under the covers pulling her back close to his superhuman warmth. 

She felt like she could start purring like a cat at the sensation of being so close to him and his warmth while his hands explored her body, touching her everywhere. His hands went back to the sensitive spot between her legs, and started to make circles, sliding in the wetness. Her body made small involuntary twitches and her breath hitched.

“I want to taste you just like you tasted me. Can I?” he murmured in her ear. Which almost made her blackout from the sheer thrill of it. 

“S-sure. I mean, if you want. Yeah. Ok.” She rambled. 

“I really want to.” He said. Adding jokingly “Be gentle to me though, it is my first time doing it after all.”

“I will, just, if you don’t like it, you don’t have to you know, continue.” She said, not wanting to force him into anything. 

He positioned himself over her so she could lay on her back, before he kissed his way down her body again, stopping to give some extra attention to the places he had learned that she liked. He disappeared under the covers and she could only see the movement under there. He moved all the way down, until he was resting between her legs with his hands on her thighs, carefully moving them apart to reach what he was searching for. He traced the shape with his fingers first, hearing her reaction. And felt the slick wetness cover his fingertips. He kissed her thighs from her knees and all the way up. Before he touched his mouth to her, he let out a warm breath that made her take a sharp breath. 

He gently pressed his lips to her, before using his tongue to taste her. A hand tangled in his hair, pressing him closer. She enjoyed it. The thought made him braver and he tried different ways to use his tongue and lips, noticing her reactions to it. Then suddenly the comforter was thrown off him. In the light of the room, he could see what he was doing, and if possible, that made it even more enjoyable.

“I need to see you,” she said when she had thrown the comforter away, not caring if she would be cold without it. She felt so hot now that she might not ever need it again. 

He could see the feverish gaze focused on him, and he held it while continuing to make her feel good. She was so wet, and he decided to try easing a finger inside her. It was easy with the aroused state she was in, and he started moving it, adding another one to follow the first. With two fingers inside, she suddenly clenched down hard on them, her walls pulsated as her back arched and the hand in his hair grabbed harder. As she came, she let out a strangled cry, followed by his name. Hearing her coming because of him, and his name on her lips in that moment made him want to keep on doing it forever. He pressed a kiss to her and removed his fingers before he made his way up to her face again and kissed her, a lot softer this time.

She could taste herself on his mouth, but she didn’t mind at all and kissed him back, wanting him to understand how much she had enjoyed it. Her prior experiences with oral sex had been mediocre at best. There had always been a kind of rush to get through it and to “the real stuff” which only stressed her out to the point that she couldn’t even get an orgasm with another person involved. So, this was such a relief, to do this with someone that only had her best in mind. He lay down beside her and pulled her to his chest as he covered them with the comforter again. Mumbling sweet nothings and kissing each other, they fell asleep in a warm and happy bubble.

A few days later when she came home from work, the fact that Bucky wasn’t at home was strange, especially since the door had been unlocked. When she saw that there was food on the counter, only halfway done as if he had been in the middle of preparing it, she got a bad feeling. When she searched through the apartment there was no sign of him, and when she noticed that his phone, keys and wallet were still in the usual place, she knew something was very, very wrong.


	24. The hunt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The hunt for Bucky begins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, the wait has been long! Work has been rough, but now I'm finally on summer break and have a lot of free time to write! I hope someone still reads this, and that you like it :) I hope everyone is staying safe and healthy <3

Maddie didn’t know what to do. Maybe he had just gone out to buy something? But his wallet was right there. Had he taken out the trash? No, he would need the keys for that… He wouldn’t have gone on a walk without them either. And he would certainly not just leave in the middle of cooking. Should she call the police? Would that be too drastic? No, she couldn’t do that. The police would need to know his identity and he probably wouldn’t want them to. She decided to wait and see what would happen.

A few hours went by and she was starting to get really worried. She still hadn’t heard anything from Bucky, and he hadn’t come home yet either. It was almost 8pm, and it was weird. She wondered if she could call someone at the Avengers, but she didn’t have a number, and wasn’t even sure who to call if she did. What if he had left a note like last time? 

She sprung from the couch where she had been sitting for the past hour and tore through the pile of papers and mail on the counter. When she didn’t find anything there, she went through all the places where she could imagine him leaving a note, including her shoes, purse and pockets. Nothing.

After contemplating her options, she remembered that he had left his phone, and figured that maybe she could use that to call someone. The disappointment washed over her when she realised it was locked, and that she didn’t know the pin code. She had the urge to throw it to the other side of the room, the useless thing. But decided that it was a bad idea and shoved it into her purse instead together with her own phone and her car keys. 

In her car, she hesitated. Where was she going? Was it even possible to drive up to the Avengers compound in the evening without being arrested? Well, she had to take that risk. The drive wasn’t that long, and she arrived a little too soon for it to be legal. She drove up to the gates and wondered how she would go about this and what she would say. Before she could decide, however, a voice spoke through the speaker next to her.

“Maddie, please come in. you can park in front of the house.”

That surprised her. But she did as the voice told her and got out of the car just in time to see someone come out the front door. 

“Hey Maddie! What’s up?” Sam said as he reached her.

“Hi Sam” she said trying to smile convincingly at him, “I have something to ask, or tell, I don’t know.”

He nodded, noting that something seemed amiss, and waited for her to continue.

“It’s Bucky… I… He is gone.” She said.

A worried frown made its way onto his face, “What do you mean gone?”

“He wasn’t home when I got home from work, and he didn’t take his phone with him” she was rambling now, “there was uncooked dinner on the counter and the door was unlocked, his wallet and keys were still there too. Something must have happened.”

Sam put a calming hand on her shoulder, “Right, I get it, that doesn’t sound like him. Come on inside, we’ll figure it out.” He said and gently led her towards the door. 

They stepped into the kitchen, and when the other man at the table saw the distress in Maddie’s face and the frown on Sam’s, he stood up and rushed towards them. 

“What’s going on?” Bruce rumbled. 

Maddie opened and closed her mouth, overwhelmed and not able to speak.

“Bucky is gone” Sam said in her stead and told Bruce what she had told him. The effect was immediate. They started to walk out of the kitchen while talking in rushed voices. 

fifteen minutes later they were in a conference room with a large table and a large screen on one end. Sam seemed to be a natural leader when he took charge, like it was something he did every day. He pulled up a screen where a search for Bucky was processing. On another screen he had written down all the info Maddie had on his normal whereabouts, like what time he usually arrived home and when she had come home today.

They plugged his phone into a computer and flipped through his last calls and messages. They found that he had gotten a message from Maddie at about half an hour before she got off work which said that she had gotten off earlier, but that she had lost her keys and couldn’t get in, asking him to come down to open the door for her. Other than that, there was nothing out of the ordinary. 

“But I didn’t get off early today, and I didn’t lose my keys, I didn’t send that!” Maddie said with an edge of panic to her words. Who the hell had sent that? She had been at work then and didn’t even use her phone at that moment. But no one else had had access to it either. 

“I think we need some help from someone better than me at this” Sam said and took out his phone and made a call, telling someone to get there. “I think we need some coffee for this” he continued after ending the call as he stood up and walked over to the kitchen again. 

They waited for a little while, drank some coffee and tried to come up with possible scenarios to what could have happened. Then there was a knock on the balcony door, and Maddie saw a familiar red and blue figure outside. She jumped up from her chair and ran to let him in.

“Peter! Why are you here? Is everything OK? Should you be involved in this?” Her motherly instincts made her say it, even If she was actually glad to see him.

“I’m here to help you miss Johnson! I’m the best of us at computers. Friday told me about everything on the way here.” He said as he walked inside. “I’m sorry that this is happening… but we will find him!” he exclaimed.

He removed his mask and sat down by the computer and started to press buttons and pulling up a variety of windows on the screen. Maddie didn’t even bother trying to follow what he did. Computers weren’t her thing. Sinking down on her chair again, she watched as the avengers tried to help her find Bucky.

\---------------------------------------------

Bucky opened his eyes to darkness. His head hurt and he couldn’t move his body. He recognised the feeling and the panic crawled up his throat. Had Hydra come back to take him again? As his eyes slowly got used to the darkness, he could make out a door on one side, but no windows. The air was damp and musty. He must be in some kind of cellar. His head felt heavy, and like it was filled with cotton. His arms and legs still wouldn’t budge, no matter how hard he tried. He got that he was tied up, and that the restraints must be very durable to be able to resist his strength.

He tried analysing the situation, but his brain just wouldn’t cooperate. He tried remembering what had happened instead. He had been preparing dinner when Maddie had texted him asking if he could come down to open the front door and let her in. If he had been a bit more attentive, he might have realised that that was weird, both because she came home early, which she never did, but also because he could have just tossed his keys down to her instead. He had dropped his guard, living in safety for so long, and didn’t even notice the person stepping out from behind him before they stabbed a needle in his neck. Everything went dark after that. He didn’t know how he ended up here or how much time had passed.

Whatever was injected into him must have been strong. Normal sedatives usually didn’t have the same effect on him as on normal people but this one had knocked him out immediately. He strained against the cuffs, raising his head and letting out a scream of frustration before he let it fall back again with a sigh. How the hell would he get out of here? Hopefully, Maddie had noticed his disappearance by now and tried to get help. Or she thought that he had left again without saying anything and wasn’t looking for him at all. 

Fear gripped him. What if no one was looking for him, just like last time he was taken. No. He had people; he had her now. She must trust him enough to know that he would never do that. 

\--------------------------------------------

The hours went by slower than should even be possible. Somewhere around midnight someone brought pizza over, and peter was still sitting by the computer, focused and working tirelessly. It wasn’t until early morning that he suddenly exclaimed “I got it!” and stretched his arms up in a gesture of victory. 

Maddie, who had been dozing off with her head on the table, startled awake with a shriek. She blushed at the embarrassing reaction before she registered his words.

“You did it? Really?” she said as she scrambled to her feet and went over to him. “Do you know who sent the message?” she continued, questioning him without giving him a chance to answer.

“Yes, or I don’t know who exactly, but I know from where.” He said with a smile.

Sam took the lead once again, “Let’s go check it out. Peter and I should go, we can get there the fastest. No offence Bruce.”

“None taken. Someone should stay with Maddie.” He said gently.

Peter pulled on his mask, told Friday to pull up the address on a map, and waited for Sam to get his gear on. Maddie didn’t argue about being left behind, she knew that she couldn’t do anything to help other than staying there and trying to come up with ideas. Waiting for them to report back about what or who they would find. It would be dangerous for her to be there with them.

“Don’t worry, they’ll be ok, and we’ll find him. You’re getting help from some of the best in the business” Bruce said when the other men had left them in the now quiet room. 

Maddie felt tears sting her eyes, and when a large hand patted her shoulder a bit awkwardly, she broke down for the first time since she came home from work. She let out a cry, and Bruce pulled her into a very large hug, and she let him hold her while she sobbed and stained his shirt with tears. 

“I’m sorry” she said as the crying subsided. She pulled away and wiped at her face to try and save some sort of dignity. 

“Maddie, it’s fine. I get that you’re worried, we all are, and you’re doing everything you can to help.” He said with a kind smile. He was so different from the videos she had seen online from the New York incident. “The best thing we can do now is to wait for them to report back and be ready to put our brains to work when they do”.

Bruce made some tea and handed her a cup as they settled on the couch instead. “Bucky has been so different since he met you” Bruce said between sips.

“Really? How was he before?” she asked. She was curious since Bucky hadn’t told her that much about his earlier life.

“He was… scary when I first saw him. But that was when he was still hijacked by hydra.” He started. “After everything, he felt empty, or shielded. He didn’t let anyone except Steve close. Sure. We were friends, but you got the feeling that he was keeping you at an arm’s length even then.” 

Maddie knew what he meant, she had felt that too at the beginning. He had been nice, but there was always that look in his eyes. “Yeah. I know.”

“We were worried about him when Steve died. Like that might push him off the edge. But he just kept on going, looking like he didn’t have a goal or reason. When he wanted to move out, we were surprised but hoped that he would find something to live for.” Bruce said, and met her eyes, “And he did.”

Maddie blushed at the words, not sure what to think. Had she really made such a difference in his life? She never thought she could be that important to someone. Sure, she was a nice person, but she had never felt like she was irreplaceable. 

Bruce noticed her hesitant smile. “He is obviously very fond of you. None of us have missed the way he looks at you” he said.

“I didn’t know that” she said, and didn’t know what to say anymore. Luckily, she didn’t have to, since there was a call over at the table on the black box that looked like some kind of answering machine. 

Bruce was there in a few seconds. How he was able to move his large body that quickly, without destroying anything in the room was beyond her. He pressed a button and two figures flickered to life above the thing, showing them Peter and Sam, and some of their surroundings. The image reminded her of the holograms in Star Wars. 

“Did you find anything?” Bruce asked, straight to the point.

Peter was the one who answered, not even giving Sam a chance. “We found a computer that they must have used to send the message, but nothing else. And the facility seemed to be unused. It was probably a decoy.

“Wait, what’s that?” Maddie said and pointed to something behind them. It was a sign, and when they went closer so she could read what it said, her whole body froze, and she went cold. “No, he, no.” she stuttered.

“What? What is it?” the three men asked her at the same time. Looking worried.

She swallowed thickly and tried to find her words again. “It’s Jared. That’s an old factory that belongs to his family. He couldn’t get to me, so he took what’s most important to me instead.” She said as she felt the bile rise in her throat. She swallowed it down and tried to keep calm. Jared was crazy, he could do anything. He was smart, and Maddie wondered how he could have been so stupid that he left a clue like that. It was almost as if… 

“He wanted me to know it was him” she said.

They stared at her for a moment, the two older men confused since they didn’t know who Jared was. Peter was clenching his jaw so hard that a vein in his throat was visible. “Damn him.” He hissed. 

“Who’s Jared?” they asked, and Peter quickly explained the short version of the story. Angry ex, psycho, the assault. When he was done, his deep frown was mirrored on the others’ faces. 

“For fucks sake! What is wrong with the justice in the world when we let an ass like that roam free?” Sam said, exasperated. 

Bruce put a hand on her shoulder again, squeezing it lightly. “Do you think he is the one behind this?”

“Yes, it makes sense. He would do just about anything to get to me.” She remembered his words on that night, ‘If I can’t have you, no one can.’ Was this his way of taking her happiness away?

The two holograms got her attention again as they declared that they would come back home so they could start trying to figure out where he kept Bucky.

\-------------------------------------------

When he finally heard footsteps somewhere close by, he expected to see the standard Hydra agents with combat attire and stone faces. 

When the door opened and he saw a figure in the doorway, he couldn’t make out who it was though, and it wasn’t until the bright light flickered on that he saw him. Not at all the soldier he had expected, but a man dressed in jeans and a blue t-shirt, with a smile on his face.

“Jared.” Bucky growled between his clenched teeth.

Jared laughed, “So you remember me! She must have been talking about me, right?” he said and walked further into the room, closing the door behind him. “I didn’t think it would be that easy to take you actually. I thought you people would be super strong or whatever.” He waved dismissively in Bucky’s general direction.

Bucky didn’t answer, he figured that the best approach was to not give Jared what he probably wanted, which was to be in control and make him ask questions. He stared at the man with hate burning in his chest. He didn’t know how the hell he had been able to grab him that easily, but he would not ask.

Jared’s smile faltered and he looked annoyed, “What, you didn’t think I saw that arm of yours and made some conclusions?” he said. “I did, and you wouldn’t believe the information you can find online about you people.” He continued, now walking around the room aimlessly.

Bucky followed his movements with his eyes, waiting to see if he would tell him anything more substantial about the kidnapping. He was a little scared though, because if he had found out a way to disable Bucky that easily and contain him right now, what else could he do to him?

“I don’t know what Maddie sees in you though, you don’t seem very bright actually. But I guess that doesn’t matter, you are just a pawn in my game anyways.” He said as he strolled over to the boxes in the corner and sat down. 

He continues his monologue from there, “I have finally realised what a stupid fat bitch she is, I mean, choosing you over me? That is ridiculous. Just look at you.” He scoffed.

Bucky couldn’t take it anymore. He pulled at the restraints, longing to be free, to hurt Jared for talking about Maddie that way. Just as last time, they didn’t budge. 

Jared laughed at his tries. “You won’t get away that easily. I bought these special made restraints from a very helpful person online. I need to keep you here until Maddie arrives.”

So that was his plan. To lure her there. But how?

\----------------------------------------------

Maddie had started to go through everything she knew about Jared to try and figure out where he could have taken Bucky. She knew he wouldn’t make it too easy for her, he was too sadistic for that. He wanted her to suffer and worry and he had succeeded.

She made a list of all the places she could think of. They could go through them one by one later until they could find him. She felt useless as she couldn’t do much more than this at the moment. Bruce had told her to not try to call Jared when she had wanted to do that earlier, and that they should wait for Peter and Sam so they could trace the call.

How did Jared even get a hold of Bucky? How could he, a stupid normal human, overpower a superhuman? Did he have help? It was obviously some sort of trap, so what exactly would they get themselves into? She wanted to scream. If it weren’t for her, everyone would be safe now, and Bucky wouldn’t be captured somewhere, being exposed to who-knows-what right now. 

A resolution started to form in her head. She wouldn’t put them all in danger if she could avoid it. She couldn’t live with herself if she was the reason they might get hurt. If Jared wanted her, that’s what he would get. 

Bruce was asleep on the couch, snoring, and she carefully plucked his keys from his pocket and grabbed her phone before she snuck quietly from the room. She knew that she needed to be quick. Peter and Sam would be here soon, and she needed to be on her way before that. 

She got to her car and jumped in. at the gates she used Bruce’s key card to get through. She drove home to her apartment and as soon as she stepped inside, she called Jared. She had deleted him from her phone, but it wasn’t difficult to find his number online. The signals kept sounding, and she didn’t think he would answer at first, but then they were cut off by the familiar voice.

“Maddie! It’s nice of you to call me” Jared said with a hint of glee, making her chest tighten.

She cleared her throat, but the words came out hoarse anyways, “What have you done?”.

He laughed, “What do you mean? Have I done anything?” he asked mockingly.

“Where’s Bucky?”

“You should know.”

The steady tone in her ear told her that he had ended the call.


	25. Rescue?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a lot of jumps in this one! I hope you can follow it anyways! Please tell me if it works or if it's confusing :)

“I should know… I should know… what the hell does that even mean?!” Maddie muttered as she hurried around, packing a few necessities in a bag. In her mind she went through the things she knew about Jared while searching for her power bank, hoping it wasn’t out of juice. 

He was obviously not in the empty warehouse his family owned. Sam and Peter would have found him if he were. She guessed that he wasn’t at his apartment either, since it was in a busy street with a lot of neighbours and taking a struggling or unconscious superhuman up the stairs to his home would probably draw some unwanted attention.

Not his apartment, not the warehouse… where else did Jared have some connections? The answer must be somewhere in there since she, apparently, should know it. Going through the miserable excuse for a relationship she had with Jared, she remembered vacations, holidays and horrible family happenings. Something tickled the back of her brain, and she gasped at the realisation that in fact she DID know the perfect place for keeping someone against their will.

She went into Bucky’s room and dug around in his closet until she found what she was looking for. She grabbed the brown bag and left it beside her other bag in the hallway. The weapons could come in handy. For self-defence or for intimidation, she wasn’t sure. After a final sweep of the apartment, she left for her car, soon heading towards the highway.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Bucky heard Jared’s phone ring, and he saw the smirk on Jared’s face when he answered Maddie’s call. So, Maddie knew that Jared had taken him. He didn’t know how, but she did. He also didn’t know what the rest of the call was about, but it was short and as soon as it was over his questions were answered.

“Well, she will be on her way soon. She’ll figure it out.” He said with that self-righteous smile again. 

Bucky was torn between the relief he felt knowing she was looking for him, and the panic that rose in him at the thought of her coming here to this maniac. He had to find a way to free himself, or to convince Jared to let him go. Although none of those options seemed very likely at the moment. 

“Why are you even doing this?” Bucky asked. “You just told me that she is fat and stupid so why do you care?” As soon as the words left his mouth, Jared was leaning over him, just inches away.

“Because she made me look like an idiot and I DO NOT LIKE THAT!”. The words came out in a snarl and Bucky tried to turn his head when he felt the small drops of spit hitting his face as Jared nearly screamed. “She put herself in this situation, and she drags ME down in the shit for it?! She will regret it.” 

Bucky was impressed by the man’s ability to stay in his delusion but didn’t want to agitate him further, so he kept quiet. For now. He had to come up with a plan before Maddie arrived. He didn’t know how long that would take but guessed that they were not in the city anymore so he should have some time to think.

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Maddie was on the road leading towards Hartford where Jared’s family owned a house in a secluded place outside the city. They had been there a couple of times for different occasions, and Maddie thought that the place really had that ‘I’m-kidnapped-and-can’t-get-away-from-here-feeling.’ But that might also be because his family was unbearable. 

She put on the radio and flipped through the channels to find something she could listen to but the only things she heard was a talk show discussing some kind of reality TV that sounded dumb, silence, and noises that were probably supposed to resemble music. She turned it off again and sighed. The silence would have to do. She probably needed to think of some sort of plan anyways.

She couldn’t just walk in there. Jared was bigger than her, and she wasn’t keen on using a weapon in case he hurt her with it instead, or she accidentally hurt someone else. The best way would probably be to try and lure him away from there and then try to get away from him in another place. In that case, both of them would have a chance to escape. 

“Or he’ll just murder me right away… That’s a great thing to get yourself into Maddie.” she muttered. 

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Peter stared incredulously at the big green man in front of him. “WHAT?! She’s gone??” He cried out.

Bruce looked embarrassed. “I fell asleep on the couch, and only woke up when you guys arrived. Then she, and my keys, were gone. Her car too.”

Sam was quiet beside them, listening to their conversation. When the other two had quieted down, he spoke. “She must know where he is and decided to go after him. We need to know where she is going. Peter, can you try tracking her?”

“I’ll try!” Peter said enthusiastically. He really wanted to help, and maybe this was the thing that he could do best right now. He often felt like he was easy to replace in the group. It wasn’t like they didn’t have other strong people, or people who could fly, or other things, already. But right now, he was needed, and he would do what he could.

Peter threw his mask on the table and sat down at the same computer he had used earlier. Sam stepped out to go over to Maddie’s place to see if she was there. He called back after a while saying that she was nowhere to be seen and that her car was gone. 

Peter thought for a while about how he would find Maddie and decided to try and see if her phone’s GPS was on and if he could use the Stark computer system to try to hack into that signal. He didn’t find any signal though, so he tried the mindboggling idea to just call her, but her phone was turned off and he was sent straight to voicemail. He let his head fall into his hands and gripped his hair as he let out a frustrated groan which brought on the attention from Bruce. 

“How’s it going, did you find anything?” the big man asked cautiously even if the sight in front of him already told him the answer to his question.

Peter groaned again before he met the questioning gaze. “No, nothing. Her phone seems to be off and I don’t know any other way to find someone.” He sighed. 

“Let’s keep trying, in case she turns her phone on again.” Bruce said, trying to sound reassuring. 

“Yeah.” Peter said, without conviction and turned back to the computer, getting ready to do the same search again.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

When Maddie had been driving for almost two hours, she pulled into a rest stop along the road and turned her phone on. She had kept it off since she left home, just so it wouldn’t be so easy to find her, but she wanted to check her messages before she went into the fray. Also, she called Jared again and to her surprise, he answered this time too.

“I’m almost there.” She said.

He chuckled. “I knew you would figure it out, well done.”

“It’s me you want, so let him go.” She tried to keep her voice steady.

“I’m not stupid. It’s not like I’m going to release a murderous super human while I’m still here. But I’ll arrange for it as soon as you and I are gone.” He said with a laugh. “I promise.” He added, and she didn’t trust him one bit.

She didn’t answer him, instead she ended the call and headed out on the road again, driving towards her impending doom. What would happen from now on was unknown to her, but her priority was to save Bucky and then worry about herself.

Soon the house came into view and towered over her as she came closer. The familiar figure that met her outside as she climbed out of the car made her stomach turn. 

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“HEY!” Peter yelled suddenly. “I got a hit in the search for her phone!” he continued, almost jumping up and down. 

Sam and Bruce hurried over to him. “Where?” Sam asked and Peter showed him the location on the map. A forest area near Hartford. 

“Get your things, we’re leaving in 5 minutes.” Sam said and walked away swiftly. 

The other two stood for a second before they reacted and hurried to get what they needed before they met up out in the yard a few minutes later. Time was ticking, and they needed to get to Maddie and Bucky as quickly as possible. The jet was ready, and before long they were in the air.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

On legs that felt like jelly, Maddie walked towards Jared who stood on the porch. Even if she was scared to death, she tried to look confident and strong on the outside. 

“Where is he?” she asked as she stopped a few feet away from him at the base of the stairs. “I’m not going anywhere until I get to see him.”

Jared just nodded his head for her to follow and even if she had a bad feeling, and knew that it was stupid, she did.

He walked in front of her, and she followed him through the house and down to the basement where they passed through a series of rooms before they arrived at a large and heavy door with several locks on it. Her thoughts drifted to Josef Fritzl, and she shuddered. Jared unlocked the door and pushed it open.

At first, all she saw was darkness, but when the light flickered on, she noticed the man strapped to the chair and stumbled forward, reaching for him as he blinked in the light and recognition dawned on his face. Before she could reach him, she was stopped abruptly by a hand around her arm.

“Maddie!” Bucky exclaimed with something like relief. Then his eyes flew to Jared s hand. “Don’t touch her!” he screamed as he strained against the restraints once again, and just like the other times, they didn’t budge.

Jared laughed at the two people with him in the room. “Maddie has so graciously offered to come with me in exchange for your freedom. I’ll arrange for your release in a few hours when we’re gone.” He smirked.

“NO! You can’t do that Maddie! He is going to hurt you, it’s too dangerous.” He pleaded to her, desperate for her to understand.

She swallowed the lump in her throat. She knew exactly how dangerous it was, but she needed to get him out of the trouble he was in because of her. She would rather die than be the reason he was hurt. “It’s ok Bucky. It’ll be fine.” She told him, trying to sound convincing. She felt Jared tug on her arm, pulling her towards the door. “You’ll get out soon, just hang in there!” she spluttered before Jared shoved her out of the room and locked the door again.

As they went outside again, Jared still walked in front of her. She saw her chance and silently snuck her phone from her pocket and opened her emergency contacts while keeping an eye on Jared, making sure that he didn’t see her. She pressed the contact she had programmed into it earlier, and then dropped it in some high grass, hoping that Jared wouldn’t hear the thud. When he didn’t, she glanced back and with a smile she noticed that the call had gone through. Seeing Peter’s name on the screen, she knew that he could trace the call and that Bucky would be in good hands.

“Where are we going?” Maddie asked Jared when they reached the car and he ordered her to get in.

“Don’t you worry your sweet little self about that. We need to get far away from here before anyone notices the smell of his rotting corpse. After the gas has made its thing of course.” Jared grinned at her.

Maddie stopped abruptly. “What?! But you said you would let him go! You wanted me, and now you have me, so what do you need him for?” the words came out in a shriek, not the calm and collected image she was aiming for.

“Collateral damage. Can’t have a superhuman come after us no matter how much head start we have.” Jared shrugged. “Now, get in.” he said as he pushed her into the seat, not caring that she bumped her head hard on the way down.

When he had slammed the door shut, she tried to open it again, but the child lock was on and she couldn’t get out. “No, no, no.” She mumbled over and over again as they pulled out of the driveway and away from the house and away from Bucky.


	26. Found

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No Maddie in this chapter! That's a first :O  
This chapter might be a drag, but it's necessary. I hope you like it anyways! Felt like my English isn't on point today either, but I can't do any better right now, so it will have to do :)

Peter was bouncing one knee up and down as they waited for the plane to lift off. Ever since the flying into space event where he ended up on another planet and died, he was a nervous flyer. Which, to be honest, wasn’t that strange after all. A few minutes later, he forgot all about the anxiety as his phone started buzzing. When he saw Maddie’s name on the screen, he almost dropped it before he could swipe to answer. 

“Hello?” He answered, a question in his voice.

On the other side there was only silence. He heard some sounds in the background, but there was no one speaking. He tried saying her name again a few times before he realised what was happening. Maybe she did this because she wanted them to find her location. Careful not to hang up the call, he opened the laptop he had brought, and began to work, soon finding exactly what they needed. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bucky was alone again and this time he couldn’t even help himself. His chest grew tighter and his breathing became forced as the oxygen refused to fill his lungs. As he looked around the room and listened for any sign of life around him, the edges started to blur. Somewhere inside, he knew that this was a panic attack and tried to remember what to do when that happened, but his brain felt like it was full of syrup and refused to work. 

Fear gripped him as his body told him that this was the end, that he would die here. But it wasn’t the death part that scared him the most, he had been close so many times that it didn’t feel as foreign as it had before. The thing that scared him the most was the fact that if he died, he would never get to see Maddie again, and he wouldn’t be able to go after her and Jared. 

While the thought of Maddie scared him, it also helped him shift his focus away from the panic and his breathing finally slowed down. As the panic attack subsided, the walls of the room still confused him though. Instead of becoming clearer, they started spinning and moving like trees in the wind. 

He tried to move his arms and legs, but they didn’t respond, and he felt his eyes starting to drift close. He tried to stay awake but it was no good. Before everything went black, he heard sounds like from an engine, and then voices. He screamed, not even caring if the people he heard were friends or foes, but no sounds emerged from his throat. Only a weak cough was heard before he lost the battle. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The plane landed on a small field outside the farmhouse where Maddie’s phone appeared be and the three men jumped out as soon as it came to a stop. They didn’t waste any time as they advanced towards the house, quietly but without hesitation. 

“I don’t see or feel anyone here” Peter said as he tapped into his spider senses to try to figure out if anyone was around. Friday, can you scan the area for body heat?” he asked the AI, and got the answer that she couldn’t see anyone in the immediate surroundings. 

They quickly scanned the area, and went into the house, securing each floor from the top down. As they went down the basement stairs, Friday spoke up inside Peter’s mask. “Warning, the air here is mixed with some form of gas. Proceed with caution. Should I activate the gas mask function?” She said.

“Yes please.” Peter answered before he turned and conveyed the information to the other two. “I’ll go down there and check it out, and you two go find Maddie’s Phone, ok?” he told them. 

They agreed and went outside while Peter continued down the stairs and through the door. The basement looked like any other basement and he went through each room checking that they were empty. When he arrived at a large metal door, he was intrigued. It seemed to be hiding something important, because what else would you need this kind of door for. 

That the door was locked with several locks didn’t bother him apart from the fact that it would be time consuming to get them all open. He had tweaked his suit to have a few more gadgets than before and when he gave a command to Friday, a small hatch opened in the chest piece and a few small arms reached out to analyse the locks and then deciding how it could be picked. It was amazing to see Tony’s technology work. It was in a league of its own and with his programming, he had created the lockpick protocol which was perfect in this situation.

When he had unlocked them all, he carefully opened the large door, not knowing what was on the other side. The room was dark, and he stretched one hand into the room fumbling for a light switch, which took longer than it should have. 

The light was blinding at first, a sharp contrast to the dim light in the rest of the cellar. But as his eyes got used to it, he saw a small room without windows, looking like some form of bomb shelter with concrete walls and shelves full of boxes and tools. In the middle of the room there was a large chair, like something you would sit in at the dentist, only less… clean, he thought. But it was the man in the chair that caught his attention.

“Bucky!” He exclaimed as he took a few long strides to the chair. “Hey! Bucky! Wake up!” he continued when he didn’t get an answer. 

When nothing happened, he shook his shoulder and patted his cheek, still without getting a reaction. Something was wrong, very wrong. “Hey Friday, can you run some diagnostics on him?” he said to the AI.

“He is alive, but his vital signs are weak. Most likely due to the exposure to the gas.” Friday answered.

“Damn it!” Peter spit out through clenched teeth as he ripped his mask off, knowing that it would expose him to the gas too, and pulled it onto Bucky’s head instead. At least now he wouldn’t have to breathe in any more of the stuff. However, Peter needed to get them out of here as fast as he could before he passed out too. 

He tried using the lockpick again on the restraints this time, but the locks were so complex and in such an inconvenient place that it didn’t work. Peter was generally good at making decisions during stressful situations, but now his brain had trouble focusing. Maybe the gas was affecting him already. He thought about using his laser cutter to try and get the cuffs off, but if the gas was flammable, he didn’t want to blow them up by accident. He couldn’t come up with another good idea, so he ran back up the stairs and called for Sam and Bruce. 

“Hey guys, I need help. Bucky is down there passed out by the gas, but he is strapped to a chair and I can’t get him out by myself. Bruce, do you think you could carry him and the chair outside?” He asked, having high hopes. The Hulk could throw cars around, so this chair should be fine. 

“Where’s your mask Peter?” Sam asked before Bruce could answer him. 

“I put it on Bucky, he wasn’t doing that well, I think he has breathed in too much of the gas.” Peter answered him. When he saw the disproval in Sam’s face, he continued, “I’m fine. We need to hurry.” waving Bruce along.

They hurried down the stairs and into the back room. Figuring out that the chair was only bolted to the floor with a few bolts, Bruce gripped it and pulled, ripping it straight off the floor, trying to be as gentle as possible to not hurt Bucky. When the chair was free from the floor, they used their combined strength to get it outside and up the stairs. 

The fresh air outside was soothing, and they took a few deep breaths as they sat Bucky down in the yard away from the house and Peter pulled the mask off him. Sam stepped forward and listened to Bucky’s chest trying to hear his heartbeat. It was there, but it was faint. They didn’t have a doctor nearby, except for Bruce, so they had to make do with what they had. Sam had grabbed an oxygen tube from the plane while they were in the basement, and connected a mask to it. He put it on Bucky, hoping that the main problem was lack of oxygen in his system. 

While he was breathing and hopefully recovering, they had to try getting him out of the chair. They decided that Peter’s laser cutter would be the easiest way to do it, but there was a risk that they would accidentally cut Bucky too. It would have to be worth it though, they needed to get him out of the damn chair quickly. 

Peter decided to try and focus the cutting to parts of the cuffs that weren’t directly touching the skin to minimize the risk. It was sweaty and he was nervous, but when he managed to cut the first cuff without burning Bucky, Peter exhaled a relieved sigh. Now that the integrity of the cuff was broken, Bruce could bend the metal, creating an opening big enough for Sam to pull Bucky’s arm free. 

They did the same for the rest of the restraints, and they could soon move Bucky from the chair to lay on the grass instead. Friday scanned his vitals again and announced that they were looking better and better, to everyone’s relief. They hadn’t been too late.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Bucky thought he could smell grass and feel a breeze on his face. Was this what it felt like to be dead? It felt sort of nice so maybe dying wasn’t all that bad. He lay his hand flat against the ground and yes, there was the grass. His ears registered something now, something like… voices? Who would be in the afterlife with him? Steve? Natasha? Tony? No, it didn’t sound like them at all. He tried to focus on what they were saying.

“He’s moving!” an excited voice exclaimed, sounding familiar.

“Oh thank god it’s working.” Another one added.

“Now we need to wait for him to wake up to see if there is any permanent damage done.” A third one said.

He tried to find his eyes. It was as if the connections to his brain was all jumbled, making it hard to know what muscles moved which part of his body. Finally, his eyes opened enough for him to see a bright light. He tried to remember what had happened and where he was but there was nothing. 

“Hey Bucky. It’s me, Peter. Can you hear me?” The voice from before said. 

He tried to find his mouth and voice now, but couldn’t form any words. Instead he focused on the hand that he had been able to move before, reaching toward the voice. Peter was here? Why?

“Ok, ok, yes! You’re moving, so I guess you can hear me. We found you in the basement strapped to a chair. Maddie went after you when you disappeared and we followed her here, but we can’t find her.” Peter continued quickly.

At the mention of Maddie, it was as if his memory was a rubber band that snapped back into place and his body twitched at the realisation. His eyes flew open and he saw Peter, Sam and Bruce now as they were bent over him with concern in their eyes. His hands clawed at the mask on his face and he tried to sit up.

“Whoa, whoa there buddy!” Bruce said and grabbed his hand, preventing him from pulling the mask off. “You need to keep that on for a while.”

“No, I need to find Maddie. He took her… She came here to save me and gave herself to him in exchange for my life.” He said with a weak, almost frantic voice. “He is going to kill her.”

“We’re going to find her, but it won’t be any easier if you die. So, keep that on.” Sam said firmly. 

Bucky surrendered. “Fine, but we can’t waste more time here.” He grumbled, even if he knew they were right.

Sam looked thoughtful. “Do you know where they were going?” he finally asked.

Bucky sighed and his shoulders slumped. “No… He only said that he would…” he couldn’t get the words out. They were lodged in his chest and he had to clear his throat a few times before he could get them out. “He only said he would hurt her.” he said almost in a whisper. 

“We need to find her. But I don’t know how. Her phone is here, so we can’t search for that this time. What other options do we have?” Peter spoke his thoughts out loud.

“Can we search for his phone?” Bruce suggested. 

“We can try, but we need to find out his phone number then, if it’s even on. We need a backup plan.” Peter answered him. 

“Why don’t we take Maddie’s car and start driving, and we figure something out on the way?” Bucky said, his whole body itching to get going, to do something.

“We might as well.” Sam said. There was only one road here, ending at this farm, so they couldn’t have gone any other way. 

They packed into the car, which luckily had the keys still in the ignition. Bucky was forced to sit in the back with the oxygen tube and Peter got in beside him. Bruce almost didn’t fit in the front seat, but was somehow able to squeeze himself in there anyways making the whole car lean to the side he was on. 

Bucky watched the man beside him as he was engrossed in the computer on his lap, occasionally speaking to Friday in his mask. He had grown so much since the first time he met him, and now he wasn’t a boy anymore, he was a smart young man that wanted to protect people and did it well. 

“Noo… I can’t find his phone number.” Peter mumbled as if he was talking to himself. “Maybe… Friday, can you access the traffic cameras around this area?” he said. Then turned to Bucky. “Do you know Jared’s Last name? We need to figure out his license plates so we can find him on traffic cameras. Or get his phone number”

Bucky sorted through the things he knew about Maddie’s ex but couldn’t remember anything personal about Jared. “No, but her friends or family should know, if we can contact them.”

“We have her phone!” Peter exclaimed. “But it’s locked. Do you know the password for it?”

“Yes.” Bucky said and held out his hand for the phone, unlocking it, and frowned in surprise when he wasn’t met with the home screen as he had expected. Instead he was met with an app displaying a map with a moving dot. 

“Oh… my… god! She is a genius!” Peter almost screamed in Bucky’s ear.

Bucky flinched at the sound. “What?”

“It’s an app that’s connected to what I guess is Jared’s phone, telling us where they are right now. I bet she pulled it up so we would find it when we arrived!” Peter said and looked so proud and happy at the realisation. Bucky couldn’t agree more. 

He watched as Peter told Sam where they needed to go. Jared probably had about an hour’s head start so they would have to step on the gas. For the first time today, it felt like they were close, and Bucky allowed himself to feel hopeful. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes for a little while. They were on their way to Maddie now and he couldn’t do anything other than prepare himself for whatever would happen when they caught up with them.


	27. Into the woods

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a short boi for you! I had to stop here or waaaaay ahead in the story, so the next one will be longer :) Also, it's almost 2 am here, so there might be some errors that I'll catch tomorrow! And also, we are getting closer to the end of the story :O Just giving you a heads up <3 Thank you again for reading

Maddie wondered where Jared would take her. Would he try to get them on a flight out of the country? Probably not. It would leave too much of a trace. Maybe he would try to drive them across the border to Mexico but that was also a risk. She figured that he would want to be as inconspicuous as possible, which could mean that he would try to get rid of her instead. 

Everything was so overwhelming that she had started to feel numb to it all. If he killed her, at least she was the only one it affected. Sure, people would be sad for a while, but at least they would survive. Maybe she would get to see her dad again. The thought calmed her. She was worried about Bucky, but she hoped that her stunt with the phone would be enough for the guys to find him and save him. Then maybe it would be enough to save her too.

She had come up with the second idea earlier in her own car as she started up her phone again. When she and Jared were dating, he insisted on them using the app in question to know the location of each other. She knew that it was a way for him to control her, but she went along with it anyways since she didn’t know what he would do if she refused. Now it would blow up in his face and that felt like an ironic form of justice. She was happy when she noticed that he was still connected to the app but silently berated herself for forgetting to remove it too, even if it turned out to come in handy now. If she survived, that would be the first thing on her to do list.

They had been driving for about 45 minutes and they had stopped for gas once. Jared was careful not to exceed the speed limits and she guessed that it was because he didn’t want to risk getting pulled over by the cops. She was relieved every time something made him lower the speed, because every minute they were slowed down made the distance between her and the people she hoped were chasing after her smaller.

She was sitting straight in her seat, not allowing herself to relax. She was trying not to fidget, but it was hard when the only thing she could do was to sit there and be quiet. There was nothing she wanted to say to Jared, and she was not going to give him the satisfaction of asking him anything or showing him any form of emotion. 

“What are you thinking about?” Jared asked, not taking his eyes off the road.

Maddie didn’t answer. This seemed to upset him and before she had time to react, his hand grabbed her thigh, hard. 

“I said, what are you thinking about?” he hissed, and she flinched at the pain of his fingers digging into her leg.

She tried to come up with something to tell him. Something that wouldn’t agitate him. “I’m thinking about food. I haven’t eaten in a while.” 

“Of course you are. Maybe that’s why you’re fat.” He said and slapped her thigh before he moved his hand back to the steering wheel. “It’s probably good for you to skip a few meals.”

The words hurt, but not as much as they had before. This time, she wasn’t as susceptible to his insults as she had been. She was another person now, stronger and happier. Maybe that’s why she said what she said, even knowing that it would probably end badly.

“You can call me whatever you want. Your words don’t affect me anymore. You have no right to define me, and my worth as a person is not decided by the way I look. And for your information, I’m fucking gorgeous.” She said. 

This time, Jared was the one who didn’t answer. She could see the knuckles on his hands turn white as he gripped the steering wheel harder. He was driving faster now, and she was scared that they would crash. He seemed even more unstable than before and she knew that she shouldn’t have said those things, but she couldn’t hear his words one more time without standing up for herself. 

Alarmed, she said, “Jared. You need to slow down.”

“DO NOT TELL ME WHAT TO DO!” He exploded and punched the steering wheel repeatedly so hard that the car started to wobble. 

Everything happened quickly then. She grabbed his arm, trying to stop his outburst, and he shoved her off with a hard push that made her head thump against the window on her other side. The pain shot through her like a bolt of electricity, but she still noticed that he pulled onto a smaller road leading out into the forest. This was the end. He was going to end her. She was sure of it. 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sam was driving far above the speed limit, weaving through the traffic, trying to gain as much as possible on Jared and Maddie. They would have to deal with eventual consequences later. 

“We’re catching up!” Peter shouted in the back. “They’re not that far away now! But… they just turned onto one of the small roads leading into the woods.”

“That doesn’t sound good.” Bruce grumbled.

Bucky understood exactly what he meant. Driving to a secluded place with a hostage usually never ended well. He kicked the seat in front of him, earning a “Hey!” from Sam, when his foot touched something under the driver’s seat. He pulled out the brown leather bag that was normally stored in his closet. Clever Maddie, he thought, she had come prepared. At first glance, it didn’t look like anything was missing, but after he went through it more carefully, he noticed that his hunting knife wasn’t there. He hoped that she had taken it, then at least she would have something to protect herself with.

“Take a right up here, then go straight forward.” Peter continued leading the way. “Oh, OH! They stopped!” he reached out to shake Sam’s shoulder.

“Yeah, OK, I get it!” Sam said waving him off.

The road went on and on surrounded by nothing but trees and they almost started to lose hope about ever reaching anything. That’s when they saw a small parking area up ahead with two parked cars. One of them had to be Jared’s as they noticed the phone they were tracing on the seat. In the other one, two frightened looking strangers sat huddled together. 

Peter stepped forward, him being the least menacing one of the four and knocked on their car window. “Hey, excuse me, have you seen anyone else around here?” he asked.

The woman cracked the window a little, to make herself heard easier. Her voice was shaking. “There were two people going that way.” She pointed to the woods. “The girl didn’t look happy, and she was bleeding. The man just looked angry. We called the police, but they won’t be here for a while.”

“Ok, thank you so much!” Peter said to them as he turned to join the others again, however, the previous trio was now only two. “Um, where’s Bucky?”


	28. Time's up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi people of the Internet! Here's the next chapter for you! There's only a few left now :O Thanks again for sticking with me in this, it means a lot :) <3
> 
> Also! A bit of sexual assault in this, and some violence, just a warning!

Maddie stumbled through the woods, trying to keep up with Jared who was pulling her along by the arm. It wasn’t easy since he was both taller and faster than her and didn’t take that into consideration at all. She tripped on a root and hit the ground hard. Her knees took most of the fall, since one of her hands was occupied by Jared, and they hurt. 

“Get up. GET UP!” He screamed at her and pulled her arm, trying to get her to stand up again. It sent pain shooting through her shoulder, but she managed to get to her feet and they continued deeper into the woods. 

She was trying to figure out a way to get away from him, but she didn’t know how, and even if she did, she had no idea how she would stay away from him. He had slung a bag over his shoulder when they left the car, and she didn’t know what was in it. For all she knew, it could be full of guns. Not exactly the situation you want to end up in, running away from someone with multiple guns, trying to shoot you. 

This day was officially the longest in her whole life. She hadn’t slept in more than 24 hours and hadn’t eaten since the pizza at the Avengers compound. Her stomach growled and her head throbbed. The sun was shining somewhere up there, but the foliage was thick, and the light couldn’t quite push through, making the forest dim and full of shadows. It matched the situation a little too well. 

Jared was muttering something as they walked, talking to himself. She couldn’t quite hear it, but it sounded like he was talking about the people they saw back at the car. They had watched them, and it seemed like they understood that something wasn’t right. “What the fuck were they doing out here in the middle of nowhere. Fucking idiots.” He spat. Maddie almost couldn’t resist telling him that right now, they were also in the middle of nowhere, but that might be pushing her luck a bit. 

They arrived at a small clearing where he pushed her down to the ground roughly. He threw the backpack down on his other side and pulled out a piece of rope that he tied her hands and feet with before he moved to sit down on a tree trunk a few feet away from her. She had seen a glimpse of the contents in the bag when he pulled out the rope and thought she saw something shiny, like a blade of some sort.

“So, Maddie. I finally get you to myself and maybe we can get a chance to speak now.” He said while watching her closely.

She met his eyes with a defiant glare. “What do you want from me?” she hissed.

He laughed. “Oh, come on! Don’t be like that. I just want to talk in private.”

He was toying with her, she knew that. She recognised the tone he used when he put up his nice-guy façade even when the anger was seething under it. “Really? Well you’ve outdone yourself on the private part here.” She said nodding her head to the surrounding trees, not able to keep the sarcasm out of her voice.

His eyes flashed and his next words weren’t as calm. “Well. You have destroyed my life, so I only think it’s fair to return the favour.” He said.

She gawked at him, and at the sheer madness of his words. “What? How did I ruin YOUR life?” she asked.

“You know what you did. You acted like a fucking bitch when I tried to contact you after our breakup, and you forced me to do something drastic to get your attention. And that Bucky guy? What were you thinking? He is a fucking murderer and lunatic!” He answered. When he saw her surprised face he added, “Yeah, I looked him up. How could you even choose him over me?”

She wiped the surprise off her face, replacing it with fury. “I chose him because he is a decent human being that actually cares about me and loves me for who I am. And even if I hadn’t met him, I still wouldn’t have chosen you even if you were the last person on earth. I would rather be alone for the rest of my life than spend even one more second with you.” She hissed at him.

His face fell, and she knew that she had let her temper take over again and overstepped the line she knew she should have been careful not to cross in this situation. If he derailed, she wouldn’t be able to protect herself when she was tied up like this.

He stood up abruptly, then started pacing without saying anything more. She observed him, not knowing what he would do next. He went to his bag and pulled out a foldable shovel. He put it together and held it out in front of her and said, “Do you know what I’m going to do with this? Huh? I’ll tell you. I’m going to dig a hole, where I will throw your worthless body when I’m finished with you, and where no one will ever find you. You will die knowing that it is your fault that your family will never know what happened to you.”

“The only one here who is at fault is you. And I refuse to fall for your little guilt trip, you manipulative ass. If you are going to kill me, then kill me and stop wasting my time.” She snapped at him. She was so tired of listening to his bullshit and didn’t have the energy to care anymore.

He threw the shovel to the ground and closed the distance between them pulling her up to her feet again. He didn’t hit her like she thought he would, but instead he grabbed her hair and held her face to his, then his cold hard lips were on hers. She tried to turn her face away from him, but his grip on her hair made it impossible. 

“I’m going to erase him from you, and then you can die knowing that I was the last one to touch you like this.” He said with a wicked grin as he grabbed one of her breasts. 

She squirmed under his hand, trying to shield herself from him, when he was suddenly pulled away from her by something so strong that it threw him straight across the clearing. She saw a flash of dark metal and brown hair, and relief flooded her in an instant. 

\-----------------------------------------------------------

Bucky had run as fast as he could through the woods, trying to follow the tracks made by Maddie and Jared. He had been hoping that they would be slowed down by Maddie’s reluctance and that he would be faster than them. He had heard them before he could see them, and he noticed that Jared’s voice wasn’t the only angry voice sounding through the trees. Maddie seemed to be giving Jared a piece of her mind and Bucky felt the pride swell at her fierceness.

He stood back for a minute to analyse the situation instead of throwing himself in there. Maybe he should wait for the others to catch up first. He never got the time to decide that before he saw Jared kiss her, and when he put his hands on her, Bucky snapped. He rushed towards Jared and pulled him off her, throwing him into a thick tree trunk. The impact made the man fall limp to the forest floor, and Bucky walked towards him, seeing red.

\-----------------------------------------------------------

Maddie watched as the events unfolded and when she saw the look in Bucky’s eyes, she knew she had to stop him before he did something that would get him in trouble. She saw Bucky lift Jared by the throat and Jared clawed at the metal hand that cut off his air supply.

“Bucky! No!” She yelled at him. However much she wanted Jared gone from this world, she didn’t want Bucky to relive killing another person, because she knew that he would regret it at some point. 

Bucky froze, but didn’t put Jared down.

“Please Bucky, get me out of these” she said and waved her tied hands in his direction when he glanced at her over his shoulder.

When meeting her eyes, it was as if he woke up. He looked at Jared again and before anyone could say anything else, he headbutted him hard, causing Jared’s nose to break and start to bleed. When Bucky let him go, he slumped down on the ground, unconscious.

Bucky ran to Maddie and cut the ropes before taking her face in his hands and searching it for any damage. “Damn it’s good to see you again.” He said and smiled at her when he had made sure that she was ok.

Her world brightened and everything felt right again as she met his smile with one of her own, leaning her forehead to his, not caring that she was sore from the hit she had taken in the car. “You too.”

That’s the moment when everything happened simultaneously. Three people burst through the trees, shouting at them in alarm. It took a second for Maddie and Bucky to react, and that’s when she saw it. The raised axe and the mad man wielding it, coming right for Bucky’s turned back. She screamed, and then it was over and everything went eerily quiet.

\-----------------------------------------------------------

The first thing Bucky noticed was the blood. There was so much blood. Then he noticed the pressure against his back. He pushed back, and the man leaning against him rolled to the ground, a knife buried to the hilt in his stomach. He coughed up blood as his hands searched for the knife. When they found it, he pulled it out and then went still, dropping it beside him. Bruce hurried forward to check his pulse, and then shook his head. He made a few half-hearted tries to revive him, but he was quickly losing too much blood.

Bucky turned to Maddie again. She was still holding her hand out where she had let go of the knife’s handle, and her eyes were glassy. Bucky knew exactly what she felt. Taking another person’s life was never easy, even if it was done in self-defence. He pulled her towards him. When she felt the tug on her arm, she unfroze and curled into his chest and started sobbing, the blood smearing across his clothes.

“It’s ok, you’re ok.” He said to her, over and over again, trying to soothe her. 

“He was going to kill you. I couldn’t let him kill you” she mumbled frantically. 

Someone sat down beside her. “You did the only right thing.” Bruce said quietly, patting her back. “If you hadn’t. Bucky would be dead now. That’s a difficult decision to make, but you saved him.”

Maddie didn’t let go of Bucky, and she tried to keep her eyes away from Jared’s lifeless form as they moved to a more comfortable position on a fallen tree trunk instead of the damp forest floor. 

“Where’s Peter and Sam?” Bucky asked Bruce.

“They went to meet up with the police.” He answered. “The people in the other car called them when he took you out into the forest. They are joining us here soon.”

“Ok. Good.” Bucky answered.

At the word ‘police’ Maddie tensed. “Am I going to get arrested?” she croaked between sobs, her hands gripping Bucky’s shirt even tighter.

“No, you should be fine. It was self-defence.” Bruce answered. 

Maddie looked up at him now. “But what if they don’t believe me, like last time?”

“We have witnesses. We all saw it. Don’t worry.” He said to her with a small smile.

It calmed her a little and as the tension was slowly easing, the tiredness was mercilessly forcing itself on her. She held on to Bucky and he was basically the only thing keeping her upright at the moment. She allowed herself to lean her head on his shoulder, and as they waited for the others to join them again, she dozed off to the sound of Bruce and Bucky’s quiet conversation.


	29. Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the end! (Almost, there will be an epilogue too)
> 
> I'm doubting myself. What do you think? Is this ending too short? Too vague? Too something?
> 
> Also, school has started again, so I have to do grown up things now, like being a teacher... So writing is a bit slow... But I'll do my best!

Maddie was on a ship. She could feel the waves rocking the boat, and the wind gently caressing her skin. As she opened her eyes, she saw a beautiful sunset with bold colours of orange and pink. She hurried to the rail to get a better view but the sight wasn’t what she had expected. Instead of foaming green or blue water, she was met with something dark red, almost black. Wet tendrils slapped the side of the boat, and the gentle breeze wasn’t as gentle anymore. 

The waves grew higher as the wind speed picked up, and she recoiled when she felt drops hitting her skin. Her fingers found the wet spots on her cheeks, and when she looked down at them, she realised what it was. Blood. Terror ran down her spine like a cold shower, and she backed away from the threatening sight. She ran to the door that led down to the lower levels of the ship, but it was stuck. The waves were almost reaching the deck now, and she sprinted to the other side of the ship to try and find somewhere else to escape. A hard wind pushed her before she could reach the hatch in the floor there, and she landed on her back just before she saw the large wave preparing to swallow the ship and take her with it. 

Everything was swirling around her making it impossible to know what was up and what was down. She was drowning. The darkness covering her. She couldn’t breathe, and her chest ached to take a breath. Her body convulsed with the lack of oxygen and she knew that she wouldn’t be able to stop the liquid from entering her lungs. She resigned, her body relaxing as she prepared for the end. 

\--------------------------------------------------

Bucky could feel something changing in Maddie as he carried her through the woods. She had been sleeping and he didn’t want to wake her up, so he had decided that he was strong enough by now that he could bring her to the car himself. She had been resting calmly in his arms, and the change was obvious when she started to hyperventilate, and then stopped breathing, gasping for air and twitching. 

When it happened, he quickly got down to his knees and laid her down on the forest floor. At first, she didn’t react when he gently shook her shoulder, but when he put a little more force behind it, saying her name, her eyes flew up. When Bucky met her panicked green eyes, he spoke softly to her, telling her that she was safe while stroking her hair and face. 

“Come on honey, breathe for me.” He said, and when she still didn’t seem to be able to breathe, he took her hand and put it on his chest. “Follow my breathing, try to do as I do.”

A shaky breath finally rippled through her, and he continued his guiding until her breathing steadied again. Her eyes were filled with tears and she gripped his hand so hard that if it had been made of flesh, it would probably have hurt him. Not letting her go, he carefully picked her up again, continuing their trek through the woods.

“Are you ok?” he asked her while he took them safely over roots and between trees.

She nodded, even if she weren’t as ok as she would have wanted. “I think I had a bad dream. But it felt so real.” She said, not able to be more specific than that.

“You know you can talk to me about it when you’re ready.” he told her

“I know.” And she did know. She could talk to him about anything, and she would, later. 

When they arrived at the parking lot, a lot was happening. An ambulance loaded someone on a stretcher into the back. Jared, he figured. The others had carried him while Bucky took care of Maddie. There were two police cars there too, and he knew that they would want to talk to Maddie, even if he wanted to hide her from their sight and shield her from everything instead. 

He sat her down on a nearby bench and took the place next to her, laying his arm protectively around her shoulders, feeling her almost melt into his side. She was still trembling, and he wanted to get this over with so they could go to the doctors and get her checked up. 

Sam broke away from the police officers and came over to the two of them. “Hey, how are you doing?” he asked, looking between them both. 

Maddie didn’t answer, and Bucky just shrugged. So, Sam continued looking at Maddie. “The officers want to talk to you. I told them what happened, but they want your version too.” 

She nodded, and when the policemen walked towards them, she looked like she steeled herself for a fight.

“Hello miss.” One of them said. He was tall with dark eyes and hair, and he had a bored look on his face. The other one, a shorter man, stood quiet beside him, clearly content with letting his colleague do the heavy lifting. “We would like to talk to you about the events that took place in the forest. But we would like to do it in private.” He tall one said and looked pointedly at Bucky and Sam. 

Bucky tensed at the words and his arm around Maddie tightened. But before he could protest, she spoke. “Bucky, it’s ok. It’ll be fine. I just want to get this over with so we can go home.” Her small hand patted his thigh in a reassuring gesture.

He sighed. “Fine, but I’ll be right over there.” He said and pointed to their car that was parked a few yards away. 

Leaving her alone with those people felt like walking away from half of his own body, and he had to fight the urge to run back there again. He couldn’t hear everything they said, but he picked up some of the conversation, hearing Maddie tell them about the knife she had hid in her boot, and about the assault and attack. She was pale, he could see it despite the distance, and he knew she needed rest.

Peter and Bruce joined them by the car and the four of them stood quietly watching the three people by the bench. 

“Is she ok?” Peter asked.

“No. But she will be. She is probably shocked and possibly traumatised, and this police business isn’t exactly helping.” He managed to answer through gritted teeth. 

“Yeah. She’s strong. But she will need all the support she can get.” Bruce added from Bucky’s other side.

“I will support her with whatever she needs.” Bucky said.

“So will we!” Peter exclaimed. And the others nodded, agreeing with him.

Bucky looked at the men around him. “Thank you. For helping me, and for helping her. If it weren’t for you, we probably wouldn’t be here now.” He said, his voice hoarse with emotion.

No one said anything more, but Peter grabbed his hand and squeezed it while Sam and Bruce patted his shoulder and his back.

\----------------------------------------------

After what felt like an eternity, the two policemen walked towards him and Sam again. 

“Are you the boyfriend living with her?” they asked. And as surprised as he was at the label, he nodded. The officer continued. “We’ll let you be on your way now, but there is always a risk that the family of the deceased will be pressing charges after they get the news of his death. So, we’ll probably have to ask more questions later. We’ll be in touch.” 

Bucky was stunned with rage at the thought of that happening, but Sam had the mental capacity left to cover the pleasantries and goodbyes in his stead. As soon as the officers had left them, Bucky rushed over to Maddie who, if possible, looked even paler than before. 

“Come on, let’s get away from here” Bucky said as he tugged her into his arms and guided her towards the car. “First of all, We have to swing by the hospital and get you checked up”.

Maddie froze. “No, no, I don’t want to go there. Please don’t make me go there. I-I can’t take anymore today.” She said, tears spilling out again. 

“But we have to make sure you’re ok” Bucky said softly to her, wiping the tears from her cheeks with his thumbs. 

Sam cleared his throat behind them and as they turned to him, he spoke. “Why don’t we get you back to the compound and have the staff doctor check you out? Then you don’t have to go to the hospital, and afterwards you can both sleep in a guest room.”

Maddie nodded fiercely at the suggestion. She didn’t like hospitals. It was probably because of the traumatic memories of her father’s death. Usually she could cope even if she weren’t comfortable there, but today she didn’t have even a little bit of energy left. She really wanted to go home, but if she had to choose between the Avengers’ house and the hospital, there was no question what she would choose. 

\----------------------------------------------

She went through the doctor’s examination in a daze. She answered questions on auto pilot, let a nurse stick needles in her and have the doctor poke and prod. She noticed that the doctor was also examining Bucky and that made her feel a bit more relieved. She had been afraid that he was hurt or injured so long that it was hard to let the worry go now. 

She didn’t know how long it took, but after they got some stern words about rest, and had to promise to meet the doctor again the next day, they were finally released. Apparently, they had both come out on the other side with no permanent damage. Physically at least. Maddie was sure that there would be some major psychological issues left for a long time. An appointment with a therapist would probably be good. She was too tired to worry about anything at the moment though, and when Sam led them to a guest room, which was more like an apartment, she was so thankful she could have cried again if there had been any tears left. 

“We should get you to bed” Bucky said as they were alone again and stood in the middle of the large bedroom.

“I need to wash off first” she said and glanced down as if this was the first time she noticed her dirty and bloody clothes. 

“Yeah. Me too I guess” He answered looking down at his own clothes.

She looked up at him, her eyes vulnerable as if she was completely unguarded. “Can you come with me?” she asked him quietly. 

“Of course.” he said and then followed her in the direction of the bathroom.

Trying to unbutton the shirt she was wearing, her hands shook so much that she let out a frustrated sigh when it slipped out of her hand for the umpteenth time. “Fuck!” she hissed.

“Hey, let me help.” Bucky said and stepped closer, lifting his hands, but not touching her. She realised that he was waiting for a yes from her, and the fact that he wanted to make sure that she was ok with it only made it even more ok. 

“Yes. Thank you.” She nodded at him.

His hands were steady, and the touch so light that she almost didn’t feel it. He was a lot quicker than she could have ever been, and she was almost disappointed when his hands were gone again. She pulled off the rest of her clothes, not even bothering to cover herself as she usually wanted to do when someone saw her naked. He had seen her before, and she couldn’t care less about being shy at this point. 

She started the shower and stepped in, letting the hot water wash over her. Thawing the bone deep cold she felt. Bucky on the other hand stood leaning towards the sink looking a bit lost. She peeked her head around the curtain. “Are you coming?” she asked him bluntly.

She thought she could see a slight blush on his neck as he answered her. “Um, sure, ok, yes.” He said and scrambled away from the sink. Starting to carefully remove his own clothes. He did it slowly, making sure that she had time to change her mind, but she didn’t. He hadn’t wanted to take for granted that she had meant that he should shower with her. Not that he didn’t want to, but the last thing he wanted was for her to feel pressured into anything. He stepped inside the warm steam, and it felt glorious after the long days that had passed since he was this safe. 

“This was exactly what I needed.” Maddie said and reached out to pull him into the water, and he followed her lead. 

“Me too.” He murmured. He reached over to stroke her cheek again, then her hair, and she leaned into his touch. “How are you holding up?” he asked her then.

She didn’t want to think about that, but she answered him truthfully. “I don’t know. Right now I just want to be with you, because you are the only thing keeping me together.”

“I’m here. Always.” He said and stepped closer to wrap his arms around her. 

They were so close, and every part of his body pressed against her. That was enough right now, to be close and to feel the warmth and safety of each other. No demands and no rush. After what felt like hours, they parted, and shared the shampoo and soap, quickly cleaning off before they stepped out of the shower and wrapped themselves in fluffy towels. 

“Are you hungry?” Bucky asked as they made their way out of the bathroom again. 

“I don’t know” She said. “I was starving before, but now I can’t even feel my stomach”.

“I’ll go get us something small to eat, I’ll be right back” He said and pulled on a pair of sweatpants he borrowed from Sam.

She didn’t want him to go, but she was too tired to go with him, so she sat down on the bed and checked her phone that she had gotten back earlier. She had a lot of messages and phone calls that she scrolled through, not bothering to answer or call back right now. That would have to wait for tomorrow. 

Before she knew it, Bucky was back with a pair of sandwiches, and at the sight of them, her stomach rumbled. “I guess I am hungry after all” she let out a weak laugh and took the plate he handed to her.

“Lets eat and then go to bed” He smiled back at her.

After almost inhaling the food, they sank into the bed and under the covers. Without hesitation Maddie crept closer to him and snaked her arm around his waist. He enveloped her in his embrace, and he could feel her warm breath against the skin on his chest as she tucked her head under his chin. 

“I could lay like this every night.” She whispered.

His insides lit up at the words. “Then let’s do that.” he answered.

“Ok.” She said and he could feel her lips turning into a smile against his skin. “I can’t wait to go home again” she sighed.

Before they drifted off to sleep, he whispered, “You are my home.”


	30. New Adventures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cheese!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hii! Sorry for the wait! Work has been brutal... Here is the final chapter of this little fic though! Thank you for reading my first attempt at writing something like this. I'm so happy. 
> 
> I'm planning, and writing, on a new fic, so if you're interested, keep an eye out! :)

6 months later.

\---------------------------------------------------

Maddie woke up to a ray of sunlight gently caressing her face and she stretched as she looked over at the alarm clock on her nightstand. Eight o’clock. It was Saturday and she didn’t have to get out of bed just yet. The fact that the warm body next to her had an arm lazily slung over her waist only made that thought even better. 

She nuzzled closer and settled down to go back to sleep. It was so rare that Bucky slept longer than she did, so she seized the moment to watch him. They were together after all, so she figured that she could do that now without being creepy. 

He looked younger and more carefree like this. Even if he had changed so much since they first met, he still carried a lot on his shoulders. So did she. She thought about the past six months, and all the pain, anger and anxiety they had gone through.

Just as the police officers had thought, Jared’s family tried to get her arrested for murder. They were not at all convinced that their precious boy could do something bad like that. Maddie, who had seen his darker sides, couldn’t understand how they had missed it. However, they didn’t have a case since everything was caught on film. Peter’s suit recorded his surroundings and uploaded everything to the Stark servers. That, and the eyewitnesses who saw them going into the forest, quickly shut down any suspicion towards Maddie and the guys. 

Even if that had been a huge relief, and something she could now put behind her, she had battled with a lot of guilt and a spike in her usual anxiety for a long time afterwards. She had been quick to seek help from a therapist, and they had increased the dosage of her meds to help her through it. Of course, Bucky had been a great help too. He had been through similar things in his life and understood what she felt like. 

She knew that they would meet more obstacles from this point on, but she felt positive. They had each other, and they were strong. They could overcome whatever life threw at them. 

She had taken some time off work for a while after everything happened, and Bucky had done fewer shifts at his job too. Instead they had spent their time, apart from therapist appointments, with each other. They had cooked, read, watched movies, taken walks, slept. Basically, done things they enjoyed. 

The most noticeable change was that he moved into her bedroom. They were a couple now and wanted to live like that too. She had offered to give him some say in the design of the room, since she wanted him to feel like it was his room now too, but he had insisted that he wanted it to be just as colourful as it was. He had moved the few things he owned into her room though, and there were signs of him in there even if it was subtle. His clothes hung in the closet. A hairbrush lay on the desk next to her jewellery. His alarm clock stood on his side of the bed and they had put up some photos of his family and friends on the walls, now sharing the space with hers. 

His old room was turned into a crafting room where she kept all her paint, paper, fabric, and other craft material on shelves next to her desk. There was another desk in there too with a computer on it. Bucky rarely used it but when she was working on some sort of project, he was usually in the soft chair in the corner, reading in the light of the reading lamp. Sometimes he read aloud to her too, and their existence together felt so natural. 

While she let her thoughts wander, he moved closer to her, and she felt his arm tighten around her waist. “Why are you staring at me?” he whispered in her ear, and her heart jumped at the sudden sound.

“Because I love you and you look adorable?” She answered him in a question.

“Fair enough.” He laughed a quiet laugh that tickled her ear and something warm inside her started to turn. 

She let her hands run along his arms and back, enjoying the feel of him. By the quickening of his breathing, he enjoyed it too. She loved being the one to bring these reactions out of him, and she teased him by not touching him where she knew he liked it the most, which was also one of her favourite things to do. These situations were so much easier than they had been before him, and even if she could still feel uncomfortable in some situations, he never made her feel bad about it, ever. 

“Soo, are you trying to say that you don’t like it when I stare at you?” she teased. 

He chuckled, a deep throaty sound that made his chest vibrate. “No, as long as it’s you, you can stare all you want. And if you keep that up,” he nodded to her hands on him, “I might even throw in some extra poses for you.” 

“Really? like, superhero poses, or sexy photoshoot poses?” she giggled.

“Who says they can’t be combined?” he answered and struck a silly pose before he attacked her, tickling her sides until tears were streaming down her laughing face. 

“Okay, okay, I surrender!” she gasped. “It’s too early for this!”

He stopped, now halfway on top of her, looking down on her smiling face. “Is it too early for this?” he asked and kissed her. A sweet and lingering kiss, making her body react in all sorts of ways. 

Before they could get too into it, he interrupted, “We should probably get up and get ready for the brunch with your brother’s family soon”.

“Don’t bring them up now” she groaned and made a face. Not wanting to think about any of them at this particular moment. “And I know that you don’t like being late, and I don’t either, but we’re not in that much of a hurry” she said looking at the clock again.

“Well, if you insist” He smirked and went back to kissing her.

While their breaths mingled and tongues explored, she silently cheered in her head at the sensation. If it had been an option, she would never want to stop.

\---------------------------------

He had just wanted to lead a normal life, and here he was at a lunch with his girlfriend’s family. This was like the epitome of normal for many people, but for him it was one of the strangest situations he had ever found himself in, and it was everything he could have wished for.

He watched as Maddie talked to her sister in law and laughed about something, her cheeks flushed and her eyes bright. He would never get tired of that smile, and he hoped he would get to see it every day for the rest of his life. If everything went according to his plan, his hopes would come true. 

He was nervous, which was also an uncommon feeling for him. His new life really had opened up for new experiences. He smiled to himself, lost in thoughts.

“What are you smiling about?” Maddie’s voice pulled him out of his musings.

His smile grew wider, “Wouldn’t you want to know?”.

“Okay Mr. secretive.” She said with raised eyebrows and an amused setting to her lips.

He liked teasing her just a little, and he knew she did too. He leaned in and whispered in her ear, “You’ll see soon”. And the blush that crept up her neck made it so worth it. 

After lunch they got into Maddie’s car, but Bucky had insisted that he should drive, and she had let him. He had told her that he had a surprise, and with her always present curiosity, she went with it. As he drove the same way that they had followed so many months ago when they celebrated Christmas together, she looked puzzled, but didn’t question it.

Pulling into the familiar parking space, he cut the engine and got out. She didn’t even have time to undo her seatbelt before he was by her door, opening it and holding out his hand for her to take. She did, with the same curious expression still on her face, and he led her along the path in silence. 

“Why are we here?” she asked as they stepped out in front of her father’s grave.

He took both of her hands in his, and looked down at her before he spoke. “As you know, I’m very old, and in my time it was customary to ask a girl’s father for her hand.” She opened her mouth to speak, but he silenced her with a finger to her lips. “Hold on, I’m not done” he smiled. “I know that it is an antiquated thing to do, and that you wouldn’t want me to do that since you are a strong woman who doesn’t need to be given away. However, I know how much it hurts that he isn’t here for all your big life events, and I wish that I could have met him. So, I wanted to do this here, where we could be with him.”

Tears had started to pool in her eyes, and he wondered if he had been wrong, and if this had been a bad idea after all. He couldn’t stop now though. 

“You know about my past, and I was lost for such a long time, in my mind, in nothingness and in life in general. I thought that my life was as good as it could ever be for someone like me, but then you came along, and you made me realize that there was so much more to it. That there was so much more to me, that I was worth something. I don’t feel lost anymore, because I found you and you are the centre of my universe, my home, my everything. I want us to keep going on adventures, to have our own family, to laugh, make memories, to grow old and grey together. “ 

He reached into his pocket and had to focus on not dropping the small box as he pulled it out. It almost made him laugh that he, who could hit anything with a gun because of his steady aim, was fumbling like this. He knew it was a bit cheesy, but he got down on one knee without losing eye contact before he said, “Will you marry me?”.

The tears in her eyes had started to run down her cheeks a while ago and she sank down to her knees too and wrapped her arms around his neck, squishing the small box to his chest. She let out a sound that sounded somewhere between a laugh and a sob and she whispered, “Of course I will, you silly old man!” 

He hadn’t realized that he was holding his breath, but a relieved sigh slipped out as he hugged her back.

She pulled away just enough to look at him, “Were you nervous?” she asked and when he nodded, she smiled warmly at him. “You didn’t have to be. You know I love you so much. And the fact that you did this for me only makes me more sure that I want to spend the rest of my life with you.”

His chest swelled and he felt his eyes starting to prick a little too. “So… Do you even want to see the ring that I got you?” he asked her.

“Oh, yeah! Of course! I forgot about that!” She laughed, and he thought that it was just like her. Even if her first reaction had been focused on him, she was eyeing the little box curiously now, and when he opened it to show her the white gold ring with the small rainbow coloured stones set in the metal, a wide grin spread on her face. “I love it!” she beamed at him and he pulled off his standard black glove to show her his metal hand where the same coloured stones glittered on the now silver coloured metal joint on his finger. 

“Wow, that looks so cool! When did you get that done? And how did I not notice it before!?” she said as she gripped the hand to look at it more closely. 

He let out a laugh, “I had it done the other day, and you know, I’m a trained super soldier, so being sneaky is my speciality.”

“Soo, what would you have done if I had said no?” she asked.

His face grew serious now, “I don’t even want to imagine that, and let’s just say that I put a lot of hope into this.” He said.

He slid the ring onto her finger, and she kissed him hard, which was pretty difficult since both of them couldn’t stop smiling. Then he said “Ok, let’s say goodbye to your dad and get going.” And pulled her to her feet.

She wrapped her arm around his waist and turned to the stone. “I found a good one eh? I’m so happy dad, both about this thing, and that you got to be a part of it.” she said in a voice where happiness mingled with grief. 

\-------------------------------

When they walked back to the car hand in hand, she asked him where they were going but he just looked smug and said that she would have to wait and see. She didn’t like waiting, but she knew that it would be worth it. This god damn gem of a man was full of surprises. This day would be something she would keep in her heart forever. Proposing in a graveyard was unconventional, and might even be creepy, but in this case so very thoughtful. She would never have thought of it herself, but she was glad that he did. She leaned back in the seat with her head tilted so she could watch her man and the surroundings at the same time and let him sweep her away on unknown adventures.

They drove back towards the city, but before they reached it, they took another turn and drove towards the Avengers compound instead. Maddie wondered what he had planned but guessed that she would get her answer soon.

Just as she thought they pulled up to the house and she saw rows of familiar faces lined up outside. Everyone was cheering and waving, and she couldn’t help but gape at them. 

“What?! Why is everyone here? How?” she said and turned towards Bucky. 

“I figured that if I bet so much on you saying yes, I might as well go all out!” He grinned. 

As soon as the car stopped, someone stepped up to the car and opened the door. “Mom!” Maddie cried and hugged her mom, feeling the older woman shake with laughter. “Hi Honey!” she said. 

Bernard came up to them and wrapped them both in a hug, telling Maddie how happy he was for them and she told them both how much she loved them before they pulled back again. Before she could say anything more, she was lifted off the ground and shrieked at the surprise before she noticed the big green arms holding her up. 

“Hey, put her down so the rest of us can congratulate her too!” Sam said to Bruce while Peter patted her arm with a wide smile on his face. 

“Hey guys!” Maddie said as she was set down again. “Did you know about this?” she asked.

“Well yeah, Bucky here has been planning, and suffering, for a while now. I’ve never seen him so nervous before, poor thing.” they teased, but she knew they were just messing around.

Before anyone could say anything more, Thor came over and stepped in between them and put one arm around each of them and said in his booming voice, “Let the celebrations commence!” then in a softer voice he said “And congratulations my lady, and man of winter. I am truly happy for you both.”

\------------------------------

Later, when Bucky was dancing with Maddie tightly wrapped in his arms, he looked around the room at all the people in their lives who were dancing, chatting, laughing and sharing this moment with them. Her forehead was resting on his shoulder, and her hands were stroking his lower back lazily. He lowered his face to her ear, “Thank you” he whispered.

She looked up at him, “For what?”.

“You know, for giving this old grumpy man a chance that time at the coffee shop.” He smiled down at her.

There was a mischievous glint in her eyes now, “To be fair, I didn’t know you were THAT old back then.” She grinned. 

The laugh that bubbled out of him felt good and when she joined him, he felt once again deep inside, that he was home.

The end.


End file.
